


Best Intentions

by ndnickerson



Series: Mail Order Bride [1]
Category: Nancy Drew - Keene
Genre: Angst, Case, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 05:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy investigates a case in the islands, and when she gets too deeply involved, Ned has to help bring her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some warnings: vague noncon, language, violence, some disturbing content.

"Start over, Bess."

"What do you mean, start over? That's all there is to it."

"So you're telling me that—"

"Yes. They had a fight, and Jamie decided—"

"To go be a mail order bride."

"I don't think it was quite like that, though. I think... well, you know how people get mad and say things in the heat of the moment..."

Nancy took a long sip of her lemonade and sat back. Around them, the mall food court was buzzing with the Saturday afternoon crowd. She shook her head, tossing her red-gold hair from her forehead. "Poor Daniel. He was such a sweetheart in high school. Remember when Tori was sick so he dressed up as the mascot—"

"And gave the little kids rides on his back and roared? That was so adorable." Bess Marvin laughed at the memory.

"I thought— weren't they engaged?"

"Well, it sure seemed like it."

Nancy chewed on her straw thoughtfully. "How— how does one even go about being a mail order bride?"

"Well, you know how Jamie was working in the classified section at the Morning Record. They get some ads like that. And Daniel said that she'd read a particularly cool one, somewhere on an island like Tahiti or something. She'd joked that she'd go out there and lead the guy on for a while, get a good tan out of it at least. And I guess that was the first thing she thought of."

\--

And that was all they said about it.

Until two weeks had gone by.

And Jamie was reported missing.

\--

"I guess I'm just in shock, Nancy. I can hardly believe she isn't here, much less that she's missing."

Daniel looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as though he hadn't showered or shaved in a while either. He, Nancy, Bess, and George Fayne were sitting just outside the police station. Nancy put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "So I assume since you called me that you feel there is a way I can help somehow?"

He sighed. "Well, I know your background in detective work. Even in high school you were solving random mysteries around campus. I just have a feeling that you'd be able to help me find Jamie... wherever she is."

George, who had previously been annoyed when Daniel's call to Nancy's cell phone had delayed their daily workout, now felt a tug of sympathy. "Don't worry, Daniel. Nancy will find her, and Bess and I will help all we can, too." Bess nodded her head in agreement.

Nancy agreed, but deep in her stomach she felt a sense of dread she couldn't quite explain. What had happened to Jamie? What lie in store for all of them?

\--

"We have everything ready for you at the station, Nancy. If you're sure you still want to go through with this."

"I'm sure. Thanks, Chief McGinnis." Nancy hung up the phone and turned back to her longtime boyfriend, Ned Nickerson, who sat on the couch next to her. His jaw was clenched angrily.

"Nan, I'm only going to be home for a few months. You have no idea how long this is going to last. You're not even sure if she actually did go out there."

"I know you're not going to be home for long. But Jamie— Jamie could be in trouble. Just imagine if you were Daniel. Wouldn't you want any help you could?"

"I'm about to be Daniel," Ned said wryly. "Waiting for you to come home, since you won't let me go with you."

"It took Bess and George long enough to convince me to take them. I don't want anyone in danger, at least not for any longer than we have to be."

"All the more reason for you to take me with you."

Nancy glanced at him, incredulous. "I can't exactly pose as a potential bride with my boyfriend hanging around, can I?"

"No," Ned said, taking Nancy's face into his hands. "But you can with a jealous ex-boyfriend hanging about."

"A jealous ex-boyfriend with whom I need lots of heart-to-heart talks. On moonlit beaches." Nancy was grinning.

"Shall we stage another public breakup?" Ned mused aloud, remembering the brief duration of his engagement to Jessica.

"I think it can wait a few minutes, don't you?" Nancy replied, drawing his face to hers.

\--

"How dare you! How dare you even say that!" Ned and Nancy were in the Target parking lot. Tons of people were milling around, many of them pausing to see the action.

"Oh, yeah, I'm way out of line, Nancy. Just because I saw you wrapped up in another guy's arms I shouldn't think twice about it. Yeah. Right." Any casual observer would think Nancy and Ned were a regular couple having a spat. But if one looked more closely, one could see the glint of amusement in Ned's eye as he stood apart from Nancy, "sulking."

"I've told you over and over Tom is just a friend! Why can't you see that? Besides, I didn't flip out when you hugged George goodbye last week. Come to think of it, you two have been pretty friendly lately. Is there something going on that I don't know about?"

"Even if there was you wouldn't notice! You're so wrapped up in your little detective work you don't give a damn about anything else!" Nancy paused. She knew her sleuthing had gotten in the way of their relationship on several occasions and Ned hadn't been completely honest about how much it hurt him. Was he venting his real feelings now? She decided not to think about it and just finish the make-believe argument.

"If what I do hurts you so much, maybe we shouldn't even be together! I never want to see you again, you macho, jealous bastard!" With that, she walked away quickly, hoping the "bastard" part hadn't been too strong.

When she got in her car down the street, she called him on her cell phone. "It wasn't too much was it?" Ned paused before replying. "No, but if you weren't such a good actress I might not have gotten the feeling of my heart breaking into a thousand pieces." He sighed. "I still don't like this idea Nan, but I know you're tough and capable of handling yourself. I still wish you'd let me go with you. But I understand. I love you, Nan."

"I love you too, Ned." Nancy's eyes welled up with tears as she hung up. She knew it might be a long time before she saw him again.

\--

"Okay, I need your opinion on this. Which one?" Bess held up two bathing suits for inspection. One was a modestly-cut black tank. The other was a string bikini that showed Bess's recent tan to anyone who might care to know about it.

George glared at her watch. "Bess, we're gonna be late."

"We're gonna be later if you don't just pick one."

"Fine. But why don't you just pack them both?"

"I don't have the room."

George's jaw actually dropped. "Are you trying to tell me you only have room for one swimsuit?"

Bess nodded.

"Take the bikini, then. Nancy might end up relenting and letting us go undercover too."

From downstairs, they both heard the blast of the taxi's horn. "We don't have all day!" Nancy yelled.

"That's all we have," Bess muttered, cramming the bikini into an outside compartment. "It's freaking 4am and I haven't had any coffee yet."

The cabbie had just wrestled another suitcase in the trunk when Bess came down with her last bag and a forced smile. His eyes got big as he pushed the lid down. "Look, sweets, that'll have to be in the backseat."

"That's fine."

George was already leaning over the bucket seat to look at the papers in Nancy's lap. "Damn, Chief McGinnis really came through, didn't he."

"Dossiers on all the men who expressed any interest in Jamie once she got there. Including pictures."

Bess reached over and took one reverently. "Nan... please, please, please let me pump this one for information."

George rolled her eyes. "All the info you'll get from that guy will be if he talks in his sleep." She winced when Bess smacked her.

"So are you saying that these guys basically hang out there?"

"Most of them do." Nancy shuffled through the papers on her lap, avoiding actual reading so that she didn't get carsick. "I mean, the agency pays for the girls to go out there, and what guy wouldn't want to have an instant honeymoon? But some of the guys I have info on just have representatives on the island."

"Are we talking about CEOs or something?"

Nancy looked up, her eyes the same color as the lightening sky. "CEOs, men with private fortunes in the millions and billions, even guys who have some extra money and absolutely no luck picking up women."

Bess looked at the picture in her lap. "So if this guy's not loaded..."

"That's right. He probably has some heinous personal hygiene problem, or a lisp." George laughed at Bess's dismayed expression.

"No, I think that guy's loaded. His grandfather has a coffee export business in Venezuela, if I remember correctly."

Bess settled back, pulling her hat lower on her head. "All right then. I know all I need to, now. Wake me when we get there."

\--

"Hey, you're blocking my sun." Bess rolled onto her back and shaded her eyes, simultaneously adjusting her bikini top. "Oh. Hi Ned."

"Working vacation?"

George clapped a hand over her mouth. "You could say that."

Bess flipped George off, then gestured to the palm trees to her left. "Nancy's in the cabana. I think she's scoping out some potential suspects, so you might wanna wait."

"Got any more space on that towel?"

Bess shoved at George. "Scooch over, man."

Ned stretched out on his stomach and started scooping sand into a pile. "So, how's it been?"

Bess sighed and put her sunglasses back on. "Slow. Sweaty."

George cackled. "That's the way you wanted it, cuz."

Bess sighed. "Anyway, yeah. We go to the club and make contact with the guys, but Nancy hasn't found any sign of Jamie anywhere. She showed up, and about twenty-four hours later, there was no sign of her. Hotel room cleaned out and everything."

"Have you guys found out who she made contact with?"

"Oh, the guys found Jamie quite hot. I think the waitresses said she talked to a lot of people. Juan Varez, Cecil Hardesty, John Edward Wallace—"

Ned interrupted George's list of names. "The John Edward Wallace? He's here?"

"Him and a lot of other guys."

"Well, look who we have here," came a voice, just as a shadow passed over Ned. He lifted some paperclipped notes from the sand and brushed them off, then flipped through them, elaborately careless.

"You wouldn't be... Nancy Carnegie, would you? Because you come highly recommended by the concierge."

"You wouldn't be Edmund Lewis, heir to a fortune's worth of throat lozenges, would you? Because if you're not, we have nothing to talk about."

"Why don't you come back to my room and discuss this over some champagne and filet mignon?"

"Why don't I slip into something more comfortable?"

"So, um, yeah. Find out anything?" Bess interrupted impatiently.

"Tammy says Juan is hung like a horse and not here for anything other than to let as many girls know that as possible. Also, the esteemed Mr. Wallace has a penchant for coconut rum and late-night parties."

"And here I was stocking up on Bacardi." Bess pouted, then laughed. "As many girls as possible, huh..."

"And Jamie was seen talking to every guy at the bar. She didn't leave with anyone, so either no one picked her up or she made arrangements to meet a guy later. A couple of them have alibis, but this is the kind of place where an alibi is being able to produce a stripper's thong."

"Speaking of, Miss Carnegie, what are you wearing?"

"In about ten minutes I won't be wearing anything. I really need to take a shower. Interrogation is exhausting."

"I'd be remiss if I didn't offer my facilities."

"Mr. Lewis, I'd be shocked and offended if you didn't."

\--

Nancy grinned at the tall, tan man dancing in front of her and swung her hips a little bit more. As he moved in closer, Nancy kept staring at the same point over his shoulder and gave Ned a look he knew was meant only for him.

Everything in the room was dark but her. She shimmered; the blonde streaks highlighting her reddish hair, the metallic tank top with silver chains for straps, the glitter brushed over her darkwash bellbottoms, even the paint on her toenails reflected the light from the disco ball. The guy twirled her and Ned had to fight an instinctive immediate response, to catch her as she fell out of it and dance with her the same way.

"Ned? Over here."

Ned's fist unclenched as the guy leaned over Nancy; she nodded to some whispered request, her body still moving lightly to the music, and he walked over to the bar, maybe to get them another round of drinks. His eyes focussed on the brunette before him. "Sorry. And it's Edmund, remember?"

"'Edmund' wouldn't be acting like that," George reminded him lightly. Her black top was nowhere near revealing, but her leopard print miniskirt stopped a good six inches above her knee. With stilettos, she was almost as tall as he was. "And Edmund had better get me out of here quick. These shoes are about to kill me."

"I can't," he said, with little apology in his voice.

George sighed. "Then I'll at least get us some more drinks. Another one for you?"

"Rum and coke, and tell him to go heavier on the rum this time."

George nodded and headed off toward the bar. Ned could only manage to tap his foot to the music as Nancy grabbed the Smirnoff longneck from the interloper and threw her head back, laughing at some comment he'd made. When he moved in close to her again, she took a swig of her drink and looked over at Ned again. He shivered, and his fingers curled into fists.

On the other side of the room, five guys simultaneously groaned in agony as Bess leaned back and chalked her pool cue. "What's the matter, boys?"

"'Oh, what does this do?'" one of the guys mimicked as he walked away. "What a sucker. Man."

Nancy noticed the lack of noise first, the cessation of the constant clink of glasses at the bar, the hush that partially drew over the crowd. The doors had barely made any noise, but there was a man, tall, muscular, with a face like a greek god. Nancy raised an eyebrow with the barest hint of speculation in her mind. But then...

Through the frosted glass she saw the black silk shirt first, the barest hint of tanned skin. And there he was. If the previous man was a greek god, this was a spanish conquistador, all hot eyes and five o'clock shadow and muscles to spare. Nancy reached up and closed her mouth, her eyes following the line of his open shirt down to the barest shadow at his navel without her mind's bidding.

When a tall icy blonde walked up to him the guys of the room started back their chatter, while the girls shook their heads to clear them and tried to concentrate on what could possibly be more important than how to get into this guy's hotel room. Nancy tossed back a good third of her drink before she trusted herself to look in Ned's direction again. When she did she saw the question in George's eyes and nodded.

"What say we go somewhere a little more... private?" the guy asked. Nancy had learned his name was Brent, and that he was a charmer, but he held nothing on the merest gaze of the man in black silk... Nancy shook her head again.

"But it's not even ten-thirty, I don't even have a buzz yet."

"Is that what you've been waiting for? Let me go back to the bar and get you something with a little more kick."

Nancy shook her head and hefted the bottle. "No, this is fine. Really. I just want to keep dancing, okay?"

Ned wasn't even bothering to keep up the pretense anymore. Now that George was moving through the crowd toward the new guy, he stood, still as a rock and tensed, fists clenched at his sides.

"Hey, you two wanna contribute?" a voice came, with the unsteady wobble of liquor in it. Nancy turned to see Bess, still with her pool cue, red dress sliding dangerously down from one arm. The sequins, applied with a liberal hand, flashed as she shifted her weight. "Those guys over there are betting I can't beat... that guy. C'mon, don't you think I can do it?"

Brent shook his head, but Nancy started feeling in her pockets. Bess leaned in close to her and her eyes fluttered shut as though she were fighting the alcohol, and she whispered, "His name is Jean. He owns this hotel. His dad gave it to him for his eighteenth birthday. And he's been here off and on for the past two weeks." She took the $5 Nancy pressed into her hand and grinned. "Thanks a million, chick."

"You bet," Nancy said to Bess's retreating back, catching a glimpse of him through the crowd, the gaze of those hot black eyes.

\--

Nancy stared down at the black indicator panel above Ned's doorknob. Her weight was heavy against the doorframe as she, tongue between her teeth, jammed the card into the slot, then removed it hastily.

Two lights pulsed green and she heard the lock click back, and Ned turned the television off. He reached the doorway just as she pushed the door all the way open.

"Nan?"

"Hi," she said, a shade too brightly. "Sorry it took me so long." She brushed the embossed wallpaper with her palm, describing an arc that nearly brought her to the floor.

"How many more did you have?"

"Oh, not that many," she said, smiling faintly. "I am so completely tired right now. And... my skin feels nasty."

"Why don't you take a little shower, just to wake up a little bit? You can tell me what you found out."

"That sounds great," Nancy said, her voice muffled by the tank top coming over her head. She stopped with the metallic fabric still draping her lower arms and stared at him. "Ned," she whispered, overloud. "Ned you looked really jealous earlier."

"I was," he said. "I'm better now that you're here."

"You know I'd never stay with some other guy," she said, letting the top fall to the floor as she reached up to his face. She kissed him briefly and tasted the rum on his breath. "I'd never do that to you. Oh man I need to sit down," she said, and stumbled through the bathroom to sit on the closed lid of the commode. He followed her through the doorway and shut the door.

"Are you even going to remember what you found out?"

"I'm not that drunk." She gave him a dirty look, then her eyes widened. "You're in here with me. And this is a naked place." Her eyebrows lifted, with the merest beginnings of a suggestion.

"I just don't want you to pass out in the shower."

"Sure you don't." She reached down and unhooked her strapless bra before he could turn around, toward the mirror, blushing faintly. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she sat down on the lip of the tub, turned on the shower head, and waited for the water to reach the right temperature. When it did she divested herself of all but an anklet and a hair band and vanished behind the curtain. He stared at it as though wishing he could spontaneously develop x-ray vision.

She spluttered for a minute, then said, "George and Bess did most of the trailing, I'm sure you're happy to know." Ned nodded mutely. "Jean doesn't do much but look pretty and sip at his bacardi drinks while scoffing at every girl in the crowd. He has no alibi for the night Jamie went missing. Do you want me to moan like the girls on the shampoo commercials, Ned?"

Ned's bare toes curled on the tile floor. "That won't be necessary."

Nancy laughed. "Good, because I'm not going to bother washing my hair tonight. There are three other pretty good candidates too, people the bartender remembers talking to Jamie for a long time, but God knows if the bartender saw whoever took her. There's no telling, she could have talked to this guy for five minutes and blown him off, and then later he decides to get back at her. And we're back to square one." The spray shut off, leaving the bathroom in a fine warm mist. "Got any towels?"

He handed her a washcloth just to laugh when she flipped him off, and then passed a bath towel behind the curtain. He heard the occasional elbow bump against the sides, and then she pulled the curtain back with the cloth draped over one arm. He bit his lower lip hard as he followed her back into the common area, where she stepped into a clean thong and put her arms through a bra, snapping it between her breasts. She tossed the damp towel at the bathroom door, but didn't quite make it. Then she turned to him with her hands on her hips.

He pulled her into his arms and the vague protesting motions and noises subsided with the length of his embrace. There was an edge of something like desperation to it, but she would never have associated him with something so powerless. It was jealousy, she decided, but the hard inebriated core of her brain declared that it didn't mind, and besides the air conditioner had cooled the moisture on her skin to below freezing and his bare chest was so warm against her.

He pulled her into bed with him and somewhere inbetween they stopped kissing, so when he reached back to turn the lamp off she waited for her eyes to adjust and found she was staring into his. Their legs were impossibly tangled and he reached up to smooth a strand of her hair back.

"Are you nauseated or anything?"

"I'm fine, just tired," she said, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. "I love you so much."

"Love you too," he whispered, feeling her limbs go slack almost immediately. He thought a minute, then slipped from beneath the covers, drew a glass of water from the tap, and put it on the bedside table.

"Mmm?" Nancy mumbled, her hand moving over the bare sheet where she had expected to find him. "Ned, you peeking bastard, come back to bed."

He went to sleep with a smile on his face.

\--

Nancy stood with her hands clasped behind her low-rise bellbottoms. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

Jean waved a careless hand. His cream-colored linen shirt was buttoned only halfway up his tanned chest. "It was no trouble. What's on your mind, Miss...?"

"Carnegie," Nancy filled in. "Nancy Carnegie."

Jean gestured to a minibar. "Drink?"

Nancy grinned. "Not so early in the day."

Jean shrugged. "So if you're not here for my rum, why are you here? Not that I'm complaining." She noticed only the barest flicker in his eyes from her face.

"I saw you last night at the bar," Nancy began. She loosed her hands and let one finger run across the back of the chair facing him. Rose-colored fabric with gold tracings bent under her fingertip. "You're hot."

"If you saw me then you doubtless saw my escort."

Nancy shrugged. "And?"

Jean laughed. The sound was abrupt and stilted. "Aren't you a gutsy one."

"Let's just say I know what I want." Nancy dropped her hand and stared directly into his eyes. "That blonde is no threat to me. But I heard you were going out with a brunette before I came here. Her I'm worried about."

Jean brushed an invisible piece of lint from his shirt. "There are so many women here. Do you have a name for this phantom brunette, Miss Carnegie?"

"Julie. Jackie. Something like that."

"And you've seen this... Janie."

Nancy cocked an eyebrow. "I'm given to understand she left before I came here. Maybe she was taken off the market. Maybe by you."

"Do you think I'd be seen at the bar if I had settled on a girl before you came here?"

"Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe your eye is still wandering."

Jean cocked his own eyebrow. "What, do you want to convince me to stop?" He stood. "Do you want to give me a reason, Miss Carnegie? Are you here to make me an offer?" This time the flicker of his eyes was not so much a glance as a calculated effort.

Nancy leaned forward, propping her elbows on the back of the chair and staring into his eyes. The thin strap of her tank top slid down her right shoulder. "Now, Mr. Varez, what could I possibly offer you to dissuade you from the very course I'm asking you to pursue?"

Jean smiled lazily. "Every man has his price."

Nancy stood to her full height again and tugged the strap back into place. "As does every woman. Maybe I'll see you there again tonight."

"Perhaps," he agreed, following her from his room with his gaze.

\--

"Gin," Ned was announcing as Nancy let the door swing shut behind her. He looked up from his cards, as did Bess, who was sitting across the tiny hotel table from him.

"Why does everyone feel like drinking so early?" Nancy said wearily, tossing her canvas bag into a chair and sprawling out on the bed.

"It's called vacation, Nan. Get used to it." Bess grinned. "I had a crappy hand anyway, Ned. You seem to have all the luck today."

"I doubt it," Ned said, still staring at Nancy's face. "So you went over there?"

"Yes, I went to see Jean," Nancy recited in a singsong voice. "Yes, the info I got was way too little for the amount of flirting I had to do to get it."

"Which was what?" Bess asked, curiously.

"He remembers her. Whether or not he had anything to do with her disappearance, I still don't know."

"You flirted with him?"

Nancy's face tightened momentarily. "This is why I didn't want you to come."

In the startled silence Bess stood and finally got out, "I need to go... get more beach towels. Or something."

When the door shut behind Bess, Nancy turned on her side, away from Ned, whose temple was throbbing. "So you could flirt with this Jean guy? That's why you didn't want me here?"

"Ned, you know that's not true. You know I'm not interested in him."

"I saw you looking at him last night, Nan. Don't lie to me."

Nancy heaved an enormous sigh. "I'm playing a part here, Ned. You keep forgetting that. Yes, I was looking at him. Yes, he's attractive. And maybe I'd consider dating him, if I were free, and if he weren't a misogynist jerk who treats women like chattel and basically has a harem of girls too stupid to know any better. If that's what I wanted, yeah. But if that's what I wanted I wouldn't be with you."

"Did you kiss him?"

Nancy stared at him, incredulous. "Are you not understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth? Am I not speaking English? Ned, what did I just say?"

"That you had to flirt with him."

"Ned..." Nancy stared at the ceiling a minute, then launched herself off the bed and grabbed her bag from the chair. "This is hard enough without you turning psycho jealous boyfriend on me. I'm... I'll see you later."

Ned stood up. "That's... Nan, I don't mean it that way. I just... how would you react if this were reversed? If I had to go flirt with a girl who looked like a supermodel and lead her on, here, on our own personal Temptation Island?"

"I'd understand and not accuse you of sleeping with her..." Nancy sat down on the bed. "Only after I'd had her entire house bugged and put under visual surveillance."

Ned crossed his arms. "So you don't trust me either?"

"I do trust you. It's just that when a girl gets determined, she can wrap a guy around her finger."

"And the same doesn't go for guys?" Ned cocked an eyebrow.

Nancy looked down at her lap, where her hands fought each other. "I take it back, okay? You're right. But there's not a damn thing I can say to convince you that I'm not screwing around if you're determined to believe that."

"Well, there's something you could do that would be a start," Ned said. He leaned down, their noses were touching, and then he was kissing her, and then she was twining her arms around his neck to pull him down into bed with her.

"You didn't kiss him," Ned whispered when he pulled back.

"I wouldn't do that," Nancy said, frustrated. "And if you won't believe me then maybe you should go back to Mapleton."

"And leave you here with him?" Ned smoothed a strand of her hair back and grinned. "I'm kidding. I trust you, you know what you're doing."

"I think it's more accurate to say I know who I'd like to be doing."

\--

Nancy touched one of Ned's fingertips, softly, watching his face all the while. When he didn't respond, she lifted his arm with infinite care and slid from beneath it, careful to distribute her weight so he wasn't shifted.

She stood on her side of the bed and watched his features, traced in moonlight, for any hint that he heard her, that he had become aware of her leaving. But only the rise and fall of his chest showed he was animate.

She pulled on a sheer camisole and some dark yoga pants with a stripe that gleamed in the half-light, then moved toward him like a cat, watching him intently again. No, he was out; the quiet slide of suede sandals, room key tucked in the waistband of her pants, fingertips guiding the door to a muted click in the darkness, and she was out too.

She found the gap in the herbaceous border that George had scoped out for her earlier and crept through, gazing up at the house for any sign of life. She didn't hold much hope, because George had found nothing the night before, when she herself had volunteered for an impromptu stakeout on Jean's house.

But she was more certain than ever that Jean had her friend somewhere on the property. Somewhere in this house, or somewhere easily accessible to the house. He knew where she was. He had done something.

Her hand found the wood on the balcony, and slowly she traced it with feet and fingers down to where the surf beat against the rock foundation of the house, where she found him, cigarette in his hand.

"So we meet again, Miss Drew."

Nancy cut a glance at him, and then her chest was full of ice when she realized that she had not given him that name.

"If you've come here for someone to love, like the rest of us, please find him. I think you have; I think you still have his scent on your skin. Take him and your friends with you. Unless you are looking... for someone else."

"I did come here. Looking for someone I'd lost."

"I don't think I'm that person."

"I didn't think you were either." Nancy gazed at him. "But there has to be some reason I am not in my bed tonight, some reason I'm here gazing at the stars with you."

"You do not seem to be looking to the stars, Miss Drew. Your gaze seems significantly lower."

"Tell me where she is."

Jean flicked ash into the sea. "You told me before that you wanted to take her place. Maybe you shall."

He walked away, and Nancy's fingers were trembling on the wood, so hard that she did not trust herself to follow even with her gaze.

\--

Bess rubbed at one eye with a closed fist, while the other held her robe closed. "What? Why are we here?" she yawned.

"Sorry I'm late," George called, her face lit by the wavering pool lamps.

"And who answered your phone, George? He sounded cute." Despite her still-trembling hands, Nancy had to grin.

Bess's mouth dropped. "George Fayne! What? Who?"

George blushed. "He... was out jogging and we got to talking, and we started watching a movie and fell asleep."

Nancy smiled. "I can't count the number of times I've told that lie, George. Or at least a version of it."

"Okay, okay. As much as I want to hear all the details of George's illicit and steamy love life, I'd much rather get back to sleep first. So, Nan, why'd you pull us out of bed?"

"Why are you holding your robe so tight?" George demanded, poking at Bess's ribs, where she was ticklish, until she unwillingly released her hold. "Ohhh... this guy must be special. I don't remember the last time you packed the blue lace babydoll."

"See what you've done?" Bess moaned at Nancy. "Let me go back to bed before she tickles me to death, or I throw her into the pool."

"Jean knows where Jamie is. I think he's the one who took her."

"How do you know?" George recovered first.

"I went out to his house tonight. We... talked." Nancy shuddered.

"What the hell did he say to you?" Bess asked.

"He... I was flirting with him earlier, acting like I was jealous of Jamie. And he said that maybe I would take her place, like I'd been saying. But he knew my name. My real name. He knew that I have friends here, he knew about Ned."

"So he threatened you, or us? Did he mention us specifically?"

Nancy shook her head. "All he said specifically was my name. And he didn't threaten me. But... you've seen him. And I need to know more. Where was he when he wasn't here in the past two weeks, was he meeting with somebody? Has Jamie gotten sucked into something, a gambling scheme, a drugrunning gang, a slavery ring, what?"

George nodded. "Right, Nan. We're right on it."

"Well, you were certainly on something," Bess smirked.

\--

After the sounds of their arguing had faded back into the ambient noise of the surf, Nancy ran her hands lightly up and down her arms, staring at the surface of the water. He had warned her off; she wasn't just imagining that. He had said her name; she hadn't just misheard that.

And she wanted to see him again. No matter how much she tried to deny it, that fact came back to her. She wanted the challenge of those hot black eyes, the thrill of staring into the abyss and stepping back.

Or something, something like that. Something far more instinctual, something requiring far less from logic and reason than from the rush of hormonal insanity this trip was becoming.

Nancy was just as quiet when she crept back inside. Ned was on his back, his hand curled in a faintly grasping attitude on her pillow. But Nancy's heart sank when she saw the gleam of his open eyes.

"Could you not sleep? Go for a walk on the beach?" Ned opened his arms and Nancy kicked her sandals off, dove back beneath the covers and into his embrace.

"Something like that," she whispered. "Ned, would you do anything for me?"

Ned wrinkled his forehead. "Well, within reason," he responded. "I only have two kidneys." He leaned down and kissed her. "You just did something dangerous, didn't you."

"I'm afraid to let you do it. You'd kill him."

Ned nodded. "Right. So you thought that three o'clock in the morning was a good time to... do whatever."

Nancy sighed. "All I did was walk over to his house. Just hoping that he'd coincidentally also be engaging in some sort of suspicious activity."

"And you're shaking. Were there dobermans?"

Nancy's grin was wry. "Worse. He was there. Awake. I ran into him."

Ned's arms tightened. "And I shouldn't tell you to stay away from him, or there, or this case, because you will say what about Jamie, what about Jamie, and I'll be left looking like a jealous selfish fool."

"I understand that you're frustrated."

"Hell, Nancy! How can I put into words the way it felt to see how you looked at him? The way I imagine you looked at him tonight?"

"Nothing happened."

"Yet. Nothing happened yet."

Nancy fought back traitorous tears. "Dammit, Ned, I need you on this. I need you to be here to pull me back. I can't have you jealous like this, I... I'm not going to jeopardize us for a case."

"But sometimes I feel like you're not going to jeopardize a case for us." He reached up and brushed a strand of her hair back. "I know I'm not helping. I can't help but think that this would be a great vacation, a great chance for us to get to know each other better, if you weren't constantly preoccupied. All I want to do is..." He slid the strap of her camisole down her shoulder and kissed its path, for a very long moment, while the trembling spread from her hands to her entire body, while the blood in her head began to sing. She slowly shifted her weight until her back was flat against the bed, while Ned slid down the other strap, and she trembled at the feel of his breath on her skin.

"Ned..." His fingers trailed down, skating over her skin at the hem of her camisole, and he tugged it up, his palms warm against her. She tilted her head back, gasping "Ned, Ned we can't do this..." even as she lifted her arms and let him pull it over her head. "We have to stop..."

"Tell me why," he whispered, mouth against hers. His fingers touched the drawstring at the front of her pants and she went rigid, pushed his hands away. "Tell me you don't want this."

She was crying now. "I can't. I want you so much," she whispered, lacing her fingers between his.

"Then let me do this," he whispered. He kissed her until she was breathless and untied the pants, and she arched beneath him so he could shove them down to her knees, then kicked them to the floor.

"No more than this," she murmured back, shoving his hands away when they gravitated to her waist. "This is it tonight."

His eyes gleamed. "More tomorrow?"

"No. But I didn't want to disappoint you too much." She smiled.

"Too late," he grumbled, but smiling, as he pulled the covers around them.

\--

Nancy tapped her foot on the stucco. "I know your already impeccable abs won't thank me, but have you found out anything?"

George wiped her eyes and scowled up at Nancy. "Hand me a towel, taskmaster."

Once she had towel-dried her hair, George leaned back in the deck chair with her eyes closed. "He was here that night. I found one waitress who remembers seeing them together, but she didn't see either of them leave, so she doesn't know if it was together or not. He did leave and come back between then and now. No one knows or particularly cares where. And he's a player, but who here isn't."

"Have there been other girls he's been seen with who later disappeared?"

George sighed. "The purpose of this place doesn't help with finding that out, you know. People get bored, find other people, run out of money and go back home. Of course other people have done what Jamie did, come here basically as a revenge/jealousy thing, but... Nan, I'm sorry. It's going to be so hard to prove that Jamie didn't just leave."

"I know she didn't." Nancy started chewing on her lower lip.

George rubbed her head with the towel again. "We're not really maintaining this cover anymore, are we? Now that your prime suspect has figured out who we are..."

"Someone else here could be involved."

"So, that's a yes. So, we shouldn't be seen together for this long..." George smiled, tossed her towel back on the deck chair, and dove back into the pool.

Nancy looked over to the cabana, where Bess was sipping what Nancy hoped was orange juice and flirting openly with a dark-haired guy sitting across from her. Her mouth went dry as another more familiar dark-haired guy detached himself from the scene and headed in her direction.

"Don't tell me you're checking out other guys again," Ned said in a voice so frustrated only she could detect what she told herself was a mock undertone.

"I have the right. So do you," Nancy replied.

"Never again," Ned whispered under his breath, then louder. "Come back home with me. I know we can make this work."

"I don't have enough proof to convince anyone, including myself, that he's involved. I think I should go see him again." She lightly shoved his shoulder, then said for the sake of anyone listening, "I told you before, I don't want to. I'm having the time of my life here."

"Dammit, Nancy..."

She couldn't ignore the frustration this time, couldn't dismiss it. He was standing so close to her, eyes smoldering, and entranced she leaned into his personal space, reliving the same motions they had performed over and over. She could predict the angle to which he tilted his head, could mentally trace the way his arm would curve around her waist before it did so.

"We're... we're not supposed to be doing this..." she whispered, tilting her head back.

"Tell me to stop," he challenged her before his mouth met hers. As she melted he murmured, "Give me this before you willingly go into the spider's lair."

"Never again," she repeated, apology in her eyes. She reached up and slapped his cheek. "Don't ever do that again," she cried.

"Believe me, I won't." He stalked away.

\--

"He should just be a moment. Would you care for any refreshment?"

"No, thank you." Nancy let her hands clasp loosely in her lap as she glanced around the same room, seated in the brocade chair she had used as a barrier between them during their last interview.

There had to be something here, something she was missing. Something in plain sight. He was so arrogant, he would not have bothered to cover his tracks so thoroughly she couldn't find anything.

Maybe if she...

Nancy's mouth dropped open as a woman flowed into the room and dropped onto the couch across from her. A woman with dusky skin, crimson dress, crimson lips, dark hair spilling down her back...

"Jamie?"

The woman raised an eyebrow and crossed her slender legs, which ended in silver sandals. "He'll be down in a minute. I just wanted to see the new girl. Get a sneak preview."

"Jamie, Daniel is so worried about you. He'll be so happy to see you again."

Jamie tossed her hair. "I'm not going back. Not with you. Not even if he comes down here himself."

It was too much; Nancy's jaw dropped. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I came down here to find a man. I found one. And as you can see, he is utterly gorgeous." Jamie opened a silver cigarette case, selected one between gleaming fingernails, and lit it, exhaled a cloud of smoke. The sun caught a ring on her left hand and threw it into rainbows on the wall.

"Did you marry him, Jamie?"

"You could say that." Jamie tapped her ash into a tray on the coffee table. "Oh, here he is." She rose, painfully graceful, and extended a hand to Jean. "Darling."

"Miss Drew and I have something to discuss, precious," Jean said, kissing her hand and leading her away. "I'll see you in a little while."

"And I'll see you in a while," Jamie called over her shoulder. Nancy's nerves were so frayed she didn't want to look over her shoulder, didn't want to know who Jamie thought she was talking to.

"What kind of game are you playing here? What have you done to her?" Nancy's voice was tight with fear. That hadn't been Jamie. Not really. She'd acted as though she were playing a part, not herself at all.

"No game. I haven't done a thing to her. She is gorgeous, isn't she." Jean smiled lightly at the door through which Jamie had passed.

"She was pretty close to engaged to the guy she left to come here," Nancy seethed.

"Pretty close, pretty close... that is her own affair. If a gorgeous woman chooses of her own free will to be with me, who am I to stop her." Jean walked over to the bar and poured himself a slug of scotch, asking with his eyebrows if she would also care for one. When she shook her head vehemently, he shrugged and tossed it back smoothly, then rolled the glass in his hands.

"You have come here for me, haven't you, Miss Drew."

Nancy just kept shaking her head. "No. No I haven't."

"You came to rescue someone who no longer cares to be rescued. You know that now. You can go back now, you don't even have to bother sneaking out of your room in the low hours of the morning to go to him, you can sunbathe on the glorious beaches and dance away your nights. You are an excellent dancer."

"You've done something to her. I'll prove it."

"All you'll end up proving is that you've lost your sense of purpose here. I would give you a new one, if you are not content to spend your nights in the arms of your lover, if you want more than what is obviously there."

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. Her mouth was dry. "He's not... I'm not content to do that."

"So you want more, do you."

"I'm going to put you away for a long time." Nancy swallowed.

"I'm certain you will, Miss Drew." Jean lowered the glass to the bar. He nodded to the door. "We will meet again."

She drank his movements, despite herself. The angles of his knuckles as he opened the french doors, the sunlight on his hair...

The butler found her that way, her lips slightly parted, leaning forward on the edge of her seat. "Shall I show you to the door, miss?"

\--

"I'm sorry to ask you this, but... we have to stakeout tonight."

Bess pouted. "But Alex and I were going to try the hot... um, pockets."

"Are you sure she's not just frustrated? I mean, really, there is absolutely no way for us to prove he's up to anything. Not really." George peered at him hopefully.

"Do you want to see the ashtray in her room? She takes two or three puffs of a cigarette, makes a face, and grinds it out. And then does it again." The muscle in Ned's jaw was ticking.

"You are talking about our Nancy?" Bess raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I don't understand it either. But every time she sees him, she acts a little more... different. More convinced that it must be him. I..." Ned ran a hand through his hair. "I think that if she goes to see him again, she won't come back to me."

George shook her head. "That's ridiculous. She'd never do that."

"Oh?" Ned laughed bitterly. "I know about Mick, and Sasha, and Peter. Don't tell me about what can happen to her when she's caught up in a case."

"She does get... single-minded," Bess admitted, grudgingly. "But she always comes back to you."

"That doesn't mean she always will."

George sighed. "So, Ned, what are you asking? That we tie her to the bed? That we get on the next plane out of this place?"

Ned shook his head. "We still haven't found Jamie. Nancy says she saw her. And if Jamie..." Ned dry-washed his face. "I don't know. I don't know anymore. I want her to stay the hell away from him. She can't do what she came here to do, not now. She can't bring Jamie back home. So we can. We can put them both on that plane and get the hell out of here."

George and Bess exchanged glances. "All right, I'll guard Nancy," Bess said.

"And I'll go back up to the house," George said. "Maybe I can sneak in, look around, find out where he's keeping Jamie."

"No. I want to go up to the house. I want to see this for myself. Maybe the two of you can talk some sense into her. I'm afraid to leave her alone, even for this long. She's... I don't even know anymore."

George checked her watch. "It's an hour until sunset. We can go play some cards."

Bess bit her lip. "Give me enough time to find Alex and make some lame excuse to him, and I'll be there. I promise," Bess replied to George's dirty look.

\--

He'd known that a single two-liter of Mountain Dew, no matter how potent, wouldn't be enough to keep them both awake all night. He'd known, but he'd accepted their protests, and the fact that between the three of them, they'd had enough pocket change to get a two-liter and a candy bar.

Ned moved the bush a little further and peered through the window, impossibly calm even to himself as he watched Nancy accept a cigarette and puff away at it without grinding it out almost immediately. Despite her slack posture, she followed Jean around the room with her eyes as he made the circuit, pausing every now and then for her expected and received nod.

Ned's blood was already boiling. He began the count under his breath. If she wasn't out by the time he counted to a hundred, no matter what, he would fight anyone he had to just to get her out of that house.

When he reached seventy-five and was itching to say the hell with it, Jean stopped pacing, his eyes searching the seam between the walls and floor, until Ned could have sworn Jean's eyes met his. Ned stepped back slowly, watching, and his heart sank as Jean clapped his hands together. The butler, obviously a perpetually overworked man, arrived far too quickly. Jean stepped through the french doors again, but not before directing a significant glance in the direction of Ned's window. Nancy stepped toward Jean, hand outstretched, expression pleading, before the butler had taken her arm and led her toward the door.

He arrived just as the door closed behind her. Her zippered hoodie hung loosely about her frame and was barely on one shoulder; she yawned as she rubbed one eyelid with a closed fist. He grabbed the cigarette, which was still emitting a slow, determined trail of smoke in her forgotten right hand, and ground it into the sand beneath his heel.

"Nan? Nancy?"

"Ned? What are you doing here?" Nancy yawned again, placed a hand on his arm. "Hey."

"What was Jean telling you?" Ned's words were clipped.

"That he wants to marry me," Nancy drawled, smiling sleepily up at the night sky. "Stars. He'll give me a star. He wants me. Jamie and I will braid each other's hair and tell stories."

"I hope to God you're talking in your sleep."

"I am so damn tired," she confessed to him, and giggled. "I don't know why I came out here. Jamie's happy. We should just leave her alone. She don't want to go back." Nancy smothered another yawn. "I don't want to go back. It's so pretty here, I can see my feet in the water. Have you seen your feet in the water?"

"Do you want to go do that now? Look at your feet in the water?"

"It's hard to do it when it's dark. But maybe we can. The moon's really bright." Nancy waved vaguely in the direction of the sky. "We'll have to take our shoes off. Don't look, okay?"

"I won't look," he said solemnly, staring as she slipped out of her sandals and weaved toward the water. He reached out for her arm to steady her, and his fingers slid down to hers, laced between them. "Show me your feet, Nan."

"They're right there, silly." She pointed straight down.

"I love you, Nan," he whispered.

She pouted. "I know you do," she whispered, leaning heavily on his shoulder.

Ned exhaled, slow and long. "We're going to go back to the hotel, okay?"

"All right," she whispered, glancing over their shoulders at the monstrosity looming behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm gonna give you a star, baby," Bess heard Ned whisper to a sleeping Nancy the next morning. He kissed her forehead and tucked the cover around her, then stepped into the hallway with them.

 

"Tonight at midnight." Ned nodded. "Until then, someone has to be with her at all times. Since both of you got plenty of sleep last night, I'm sure you're up to it."

 

George and Bess looked chagrined. "Look, Ned. George should stay here with Nan, I'll go take care of a few last-minute things while you... well, you're probably going to beat the hell out of that bastard," Bess said.

 

"Is she doing any better?" George asked.

 

"The... hypnosis, whatever it is, didn't seem to last too long once I brought her back. But whatever he did, I don't know what it is, and I don't trust him at all. And I hate to say it, but I don't trust her not to sleepwalk right back to that damn place."

 

"Are you sure you want to do this, Ned?" Bess asked, nervously.

 

"More sure than anything else in my life. I always knew I would, I just never knew when. And it's now."

 

"All right." Bess smiled impishly and shook her head. "Prepare to have socks knocked off."

 

\--

 

"Ahh. So we finally have the famous jealous boyfriend, do we?"

 

"Yes, we do. And you will stay away from her."

 

"At no point did I make any advances. At no point at all. Cigarette?"

 

"Please." Ned took one along with a wooden kitchen match, and sparked the latter to flame with his thumbnail, having tucked the cigarette behind his ear. "Surely you're intelligent. Surely you don't want me after you."

 

"And why shouldn't we be the best of friends?" Jean took a seat and lit his own cigar. "I'm sure you'd never force Miss Drew into doing anything she didn't want to do. Just as I would never dream of doing so."

 

"I'm not interested in your dreams or intentions, or being your friend. I do want to see Jamie. If she is here of her own free will, surely she wouldn't mind saying hi to an old friend."

 

"I believe she's still asleep, but I'll tell her you called." Jean tilted his head, then blew a smoke ring and leaned forward. "I can give her the stars, Mr. Nickerson. What can you give her?"

 

"Something better than that. Next time I won't come alone." Ned turned on his heel.

 

\--

 

Nancy groaned and buried her face in the pillow, then turned enough to grumble a "No" in Bess's direction.

 

"Yes. Get up. Right now. We have so much work to do."

 

"Do it yourself," Nancy mumbled, burrowing beneath the covers. "Shut the blinds."

 

"I didn't want to have to do this," Bess sighed. She untucked all the sheets and blankets, then pulled them off the bed in one smooth motion. Nancy shrieked and buried her face under a pillow. "Well, yeah, I kinda did."

 

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Nancy screamed, muffled by the pillow. "We're on freaking vacation!"

 

"Not anymore, sweetie."

 

\--

 

"Yes. This one."

 

The man behind the counter moved briskly, efficiently. "Would you like a box, sir, any ribbon or paper?"

 

"Just the box. Thanks."

 

The man glanced at Ned as he wrote up the receipt. "If you don't mind my saying so, excellent choice. Most people don't even stop to look at that cut, but it looks splendid."

 

Ned smiled tightly. "Thanks. I hope she thinks so."

 

"You seem to be pretty sure she will," the man commented, a little softer.

 

"You can never tell with her."

 

\--

 

Bess poked her head in the bathroom. "Hurry up, Nan. Your waxing appointment is in fifteen minutes."

 

The water shut off abruptly. "Waxing what?" Nancy asked in a low, dangerous voice, over the dripping shower head.

 

"Just worry about that when we get there."

 

"Waxing what, Elizabeth Marvin?"

 

"Um... eyebrows, upper lips, upper chest, underarms, legs... Brazilian..."

 

Nancy grabbed a towel, wrapped it around her hastily, and stepped out, glaring ominously. "Brazilian."

 

"Yeah."

 

"I don't..."

 

"Listen, Nan. We sprung for the whole package. The whole thing. The least you can do is everything in it. After that we have the massage, the facial... I think I'll join you for those two."

 

"But not the Brazilian."

 

"Not unless a Brazilian is doing it. Mmmmm." Bess giggled. "Get a move on."

 

\--

 

George ran into the police station, breathless, a garment bag slung over her shoulder and a plastic ziplock in her outstretched hand. "I need this analyzed immediately."

 

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

 

George rolled her eyes. "I'm from River Heights, working with Nancy Drew on a case. Call Chief McGinnis if you need confirmation. We need this done immediately. Here's our hotel number."

 

The secretary took the ziplock and hotel stationery, and grinned. "Somehow I don't think that will be the most important news today."

 

"You may well be right." George sighed and hefted the bag to a more comfortable place on her shoulder. "Thanks."

 

\--

 

"You have ten minutes before your manicure and pedicure. Don't do anything irreversible." Bess grinned and closed the door behind them.

 

Nancy turned to Ned expectantly, but he held up a hand. "Can we... walk down to the beach, Nan?"

 

"Sure." She reached for his hand and held it all the way there, pensive. "This isn't just Bess and George springing for a spa day, is it."

 

Ned shook his head. "I hope not."

 

"Well, it'll be the only day like it. I'm never having..."

 

Nancy trailed off as Ned shot her a bemused glance. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

 

"Please don't. It involves hot wax and a German woman." Nancy shuddered. "So... what did you want to talk about?"

 

Ned took a deep breath, then another. "I want to marry you, Nan."

 

"I know you do." She smiled up at him. "Oh, it's a little more serious than that, isn't it."

 

"Like about this serious." Ned opened the box and a thousand rainbows spilled out around them.

 

Nancy took a sharp breath. "Ned... oh..." she plucked it from its box and stared at it for a second, then slid it onto her ring finger. "It fits just right... you really...?" She gasped, then laughed as he picked her up and swung her around. "I should call River Heights right now if you're thinking about a June wedding, maybe—"

 

"I was thinking a bit sooner than that."

 

"But, with your school and everything..."

 

"I was thinking about tonight."

 

Nancy hand dropped to her side and she stared out at the ocean, took a step toward it. "What... what did I do last night..."

 

"You went to him in the middle of the night. I've never seen you like that, and it scared me. I saw him this morning, and he said that he promised you..."

 

"...the stars," Nancy finished. "I thought it was a dream."

 

"I wish it had been a nightmare," he said. "I'm afraid. That's why you haven't been alone all day."

 

"Have you— is Jamie there?"

 

"I believe that you did see her there, and I'm trying to get enough evidence to get the cops in there. Since you can't go in and kick all their butts, in your weakened condition." He smiled at her.

 

"You mean... tonight?"

 

"At midnight. Well, I'm not quite sure when the cops will go in. I'd presume tomorrow."

 

"You mean... in..." Nancy glanced down at her watch. "You mean in nine hours? Nine hours to find a dress? Headpiece? Shoes? Oh my— I have to call my dad..."

 

"Bess and George are taking care of the wedding stuff. But I'm sure you want to tell your dad yourself. So go ahead and do that. Quick. Before the French manicure or whatever Bess has planned for you."

 

Nancy studied Ned's eyes, then the ring, then his eyes again. "Are you sure we're ready for this?"

 

"I am. I'm ready if you are. It gives me the right to make sure you're so completely occupied all night that you don't even think of going over to see him." Ned smiled. "If you want to postpone this, I understand. But that's not going to stop me from watching you every second of tonight, just to make sure he can't finish what he's started." He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. "I'll always be here."

 

Nancy looked down at the ring again and gave him a half-smile. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay, I will. Tonight."

 

He picked her up again and twirled her around, only to put her back down as they heard Bess calling rather insistently for Nancy.

 

"I'll see you later, sweetheart," he murmured, leaning down to kiss her. He was startled by the strength with which she returned his kiss.

 

"Altogether too much of me, thanks to Bess," Nancy laughed, and ran back toward the hotel spa.

 

\--

 

The moon was a perfect semicircle in the sky and the water was black beneath their bare feet. Bess and George had selected their own dresses; George had unconsciously chosen a dress identical to Jamie's, while Bess had opted for a strapless rose sheath. Both of them carried single white lilies. Ned wore black pants and a pale grey shirt.

 

Nancy's veil was fingertip-length; her dress was watered silk that shimmered in the moonlight, flowing from the points of her shoulders tight to her navel, then flaring into a chapel train at her heels. She carried two white and one red rose.

 

The minister stood in the rear of the gazebo, framed by the pitch-black sky and pounding surf, and lifted his voice to be heard above it. Bess giggled and snapped pictures, while George only smiled quietly.

 

Later, she remembered it only in snapshots. Not just the ones Bess took, but the mental images, the minister lit by hurricane lamp and peering at his enormous Bible, the feel of Ned's fingers on hers as he slid the wedding band on, George gasping as a dolphin's silhouette broke the surface of the water and dove back into the sea. The words they pledged they had said to each other a hundred times before, always the same situation, while their personal world threatened to fall at the hand of natural disaster, criminal mastermind, or roving eye. But if any of Jean's spell had been left, it fell at the portents of those words. There would be no taking this back, no failures in this pledge.

 

After they had been pronounced, after the first kiss, George opened her hand and tossed pebbles back into the sea. "I just needed to throw something," she confessed, laughing.

 

"So where are you staying tonight?" Ned asked, once they were alone. Bess had taken Nancy's veil with her; Ned had unbuttoned his shirt completely. They walked arm in arm, feet in the water, with Nancy's skirts gathered over one arm to keep them from getting wet.

 

"I think our little honeymoon kit is in your room. Everything was so hectic today, I'm not sure." Nancy yawned, then smiled, looking down at her hand. "I still can't believe this..."

 

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I've never been this happy," he whispered.

 

"Me either," she replied, drawing his face down to hers. They stood still for a long moment while they kissed, and then she pulled back. "I think... I think we should go back to your room now."

 

"I thought you'd never ask," he grinned.

 

\--

 

Nancy gasped. "They've really outdone themselves, haven't they," Ned whispered behind her.

 

"It's all the stars..."

 

Bess and George must have done it immediately upon returning. It would have taken all the time, all the lit tea candles on every available surface in Ned's hotel room.

 

"Nan, honey, move just a little bit..." Ned nudged her forward, kissing the back of her neck, fingers feeling down her spine for the buttons. He kicked the door shut behind them.

 

"Not in this, not in this," she moaned, leaning into his kisses. "I'm sure... Ned, oh Lord, just give me a minute," she whispered, putting her arms up around his neck, kissing him slow and deep. She tugged his shirt down and trailed her fingers ever so lightly down his chest, then shoved him back. "Give me a damn minute, pull the sheets back and I'll be right with you," she said.

 

"Promise?" he murmured, raising an eyebrow.

 

Nancy grinned in response as she shut the door of the bathroom behind her.

 

This was all candlelight too. She had no idea how the smoke detectors weren't going off; maybe they had disabled them. Nancy's sponge bag stood open on the countertop, toothbrush, toothpaste... she peeled herself carefully out of the dress, hung it in the garment bag, stood in her merry widow and garter belt and brushed her teeth thoroughly.

 

Ned was out there. Ned was in the bedroom waiting for her. Nancy shivered and spat lather into the sink, washed her mouth out, stood and flipped the lights on. She studied herself carefully, scowling at every perceived imperfection, mentally blaming them all on guilty French fries and misguided hamburgers, late-night pizza deliveries. She flipped off the overhead and they faded in the forgiving light of the candles.

 

And then she saw the flyaway babydoll, white ribbon tie and sheer skirt, thong hanging jauntily from the hanger in a touch she knew had to be Bess's. She thought about Ned's fingers, trembling with anticipation, and how they'd punch right through the sheer stockings. Maybe later, maybe another Saturday night, another set of circumstances. She peeled them off carefully, happy at the smoothness of her legs beneath them, happy at the smoothness of skin around her mesh thong.

 

Her fingers were trembling so badly that it took both hands to open the door, and the diamond's muted reflection caught her gaze. This was all right now, wasn't it, this was okay...

 

She ran her hands through her hair and forced them to her sides, staring down at her white-tipped toenails. She took a deep breath, held it, and walked through the doorway.

 

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, black silk boxers, hands clasped near his knees. He looked up, rose to his feet, and extended a hand to her.

 

"I didn't carry you over the threshold. Maybe I should just carry you to bed."

 

"I'll lie back and think of England." She bit her trembling lower lip. "Ned, I swear you're the only one, you've always been the only one, please... just take this slow and maybe I can handle it..."

 

Ned cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, you'll handle it?" He shook his head, smiling slightly. "Come here," he whispered, folding his fingers into his palm.

 

Her thumb found the diamond and she twirled it once around her ring finger before she took her carefully measured steps toward him. He reached down and swept her up into his arms in one fluid movement, and her pulse was so frenzied she was surprised it wasn't audible and echoing around the room.

 

"Nancy..." Ned leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. "Nan, shhh, calm down, okay? Shhh... it's gonna be all right, baby, okay? Say yes."

 

Nancy put her arms up around his neck and leaned against him, eyes closed, breath impossibly fast. "This is gonna be okay, this is..." She trailed her lips down his neck and felt him moan. She smiled. "This is gonna be great."

 

He placed her on the bed, reverential, her hair glowing on the pillow, and climbed in, pulling the covers around them against the chill of the room. He leaned down, body settling against hers, his tongue was in her mouth, his fingertips against her cheek, and she slid her fingers ever so slightly beneath the waistband of his boxers and smiled at his gasp.

 

"Nancy... God..." He tugged the ribbon free and opened her gown, and she froze, tilting her head back and arching her spine as his fingers traced over the newly exposed skin in slow strokes. He kissed the base of her throat and she opened her legs, wrapping them around his waist, leaning into his response.

 

Their embrace loosed as he trailed kisses in slow circles down to her navel, and even as she gasped she sat up, letting the gown fall to her elbows before she tossed it to the floor. She reached down and touched his chin and they looked at each other, gazes hooded.

 

"You're wearing too many clothes," she whispered, voice rasping, and laughed. He smiled, nodded, and tugged her thong down to her knees. His fingers found her navel in the candlelight and slid down in a slow caress.

 

"So... that's what a Brazilian is."

 

Nancy blushed. "Yeah. Now come here so I can see if that German woman got her hands on you too."

 

The candles drowned in their individual deaths while they explored each other, with eyes and then with fingers and mouths while the darkness enveloped them. He led her gently, ready with kisses to quell her forgiveness for her inadequacies, firm fingers that stroked until the tight resistance in her muscles gave way to liquid relaxation, until she was ready, waiting, moaning his name, pulling him tighter against her, grinding into the suggestion of his skin against hers.

 

They cried out together, locked frozen in the deceptive calm before the cautious rhythm began, slow at first, exploring every permutation. He couldn't take his eyes from her face, watching the expression of intense concentration slide into something between pleasure and pain, as she bit her lip, as her breath became rapid gasps, then moans, then the beginnings of screams. He leaned closer and changed tempo suddenly, watching as her head tilted back in an agony of pleasure, feeling her nails slide down his back in a spasm. "Please, please," she whispered, the words rising into a scream of one long gasping chant. He groaned and felt his control slide a little more with every second, with every further millimeter, and when she cupped her hands around his hips and tilted the angle of her own, it was all over in a flood and her final scream, so high he could barely hear it, their ragged breath in the darkness.

 

He recovered, finally, feeling the weight of candle wax on his skin from the air, it was saturated with the smell of those tiny flames. His skin felt too exposed without hers against it, and he rolled onto his side.

 

She was on the other side of the bed, turned half away from him, her knees folded near her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She was not breathing as she had, but it was still rapid, and he could hear a catch every now and then, as he had sometimes before.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

She sniffed. "I'm fine," she whispered, gently.

 

"Are you sore?"

 

She paused, then nodded. "I'll be okay."

 

"Come here," he whispered. He touched her shoulder and she fought the urge to flinch, then took a slow breath and turned toward him. He pulled the covers up over them and wrapped his arms around her, comforted by the feel of her chest rising and falling against his.

 

"You were amazing," he whispered, just to feel her laugh.

 

\--

 

"Ned, not in public," Nancy hissed.

 

"I just saw a couple over there completely going at it and I can't even touch your arm?"

 

Nancy's eyes fluttered shut behind her sunglasses. She wore a pristine white swimsuit, strapless top and low-cut bikini bottoms, and was trying to take advantage of the incredible sun on the edge of the water. Ned had bored of this rather quickly and was running a slow, lazy hand up and down her arm.

 

She reached up, ran her fingers through his hair, and drew his face down to hers. "You call it touching my arm, I call it being so wet that in a second I'm going to rip those shorts off and have my way with you."

 

"Well, you didn't want any tan lines anyway, did you," he murmured, kissing her hard. "Why are we out here when we could be in bed, doing terribly naughty things to each other?"

 

"Because absence makes the heart grow fonder." She smiled at him through the growing haze that his presence cast over her will to do anything else besides whatever he said. He whispered something in reply that made her blush lightly and smack him in mock disgust.

 

"Do you want to know what I've always thought would be really sexy?" she asked him, and when he nodded she whispered things into his ear that made his toes curl in the sand and his hands grasp her waist hard.

 

"Dammit, Nan," he whispered, and he'd swung her on top of him, both of them laughing, when Bess walked up.

 

"Don't let me disturb you two. Well... I take that back. Get off him, Nan, you'll have plenty of time for that later."

 

"Nancy was just telling me that she's secretly always wanted to have a threesome. You up for it, Bess?" Ned grinned up at her, while Nancy smacked him.

 

"As much as I've always wanted to see you two give in to all the sexual tension, I'll have to pass. There are a couple of really hot cops looking for Nancy. If you don't mind, I'll borrow one when you're done with them. Alex and I never got a chance to try out the hot tub." Bess grinned.

 

Nancy tilted her head back, and Ned took advantage of the opportunity. "Why?" she asked, trying unsuccessfully to detach her husband.

 

"They're about to search Jean's house."

 

\--

 

Nancy touched the edge of a silver frame. "They're all beautiful. Are they all missing?"

 

The cop Bess had set her sights on called over his shoulder, "We don't know yet. We're going to fax their pictures to the mainland, just in case."

 

The hallway didn't quite stretch to infinity, but the pictures almost seemed to do so. Silver frames around black and white headshots, all the way down the hall. All about the same age as Nancy and Jamie. Nancy couldn't see a pattern besides the obvious. But the headshots seemed familiar. The headshots.

 

Nancy looked at Ned, who was also scrutinizing the pictures. "These look like the same headshots Chief McGinnis gave me."

 

"Are they public information?"

 

Nancy shook her head slowly. "They're available through the placement service, the official matchmakers. But they are pretty expensive. I think mostly for selection of mistresses." Nancy ran her fingers along the raised wooden ledge beneath the pictures. "Jean has money. Jean was known for being a player."

 

"And now Jean is missing," Ned finished. "And the girls aren't here. Assuming all these guys went missing, that is."

 

"Jamie's not here." Nancy let her hand drop to her side, raised her voice. "Has the entire house been searched?"

 

"Yes, and there is no sign of where he went. No convenient notes by the phone or canceled credit card receipts for plane tickets. Just absolutely no sign and a butler who claims he knows nothing. I don't believe that, but in the time it takes him to crack, God knows where they could get to."

 

"So you've checked the recent activity on his credit card?"

 

"He has his own private jet," the other cop called. "Wouldn't do any good, but we're gonna do it anyway."

 

Ned walked over and slid a casual arm around her waist. "So, is your spidey sense going off?" he asked, as his fingers found their way under her tank top and barely into the top of her jeans, and stroked the skin there gently.

 

"Don't distract me," she said, then stood on her tiptoes and whispered into his ear, "at least not until later."

 

\--

 

Bess slid into the hot tub slowly, gasping at the temperature of the water, then smiled up at the cop and took the drink he offered her. "Thanks. Mmm, coconut," she said.

 

"So, where are you from?" he asked, taking a swig from a bottle of beer.

 

"Oh, a little town in Illinois you've never heard of," Bess giggled. "But let's not talk about boring old me, let's talk about you and the job you do. It must be so exciting."

 

"Sometimes it is. But it's all really the same old, same old. Like today, you were there." He put his bottle of beer down and started gesturing. "Guy meets girl, guy gets sick of girl being clingy, guy offs girl. Doesn't matter if it's one or ten or thirty-two."

 

"Is that how many pictures were in the hallway? Thirty-two?"

 

The cop nodded. "Three of them have already come back as missing persons cases. But I don't expect too many more, not even if he has every single one of them buried in the backyard. People come here to start over, start new lives. Sometimes it just so happens that those lives start off at the bottom of the ocean."

 

Bess's eyes narrowed. "Does that happen often?"

 

He caught her expression. "Not so often that I'm desensitized to it, no. And I haven't been here as long as my partner. He doesn't even see the assault and battery cases as that far out of the ordinary anymore."

 

"I thought people came here for rather casual relationships. I mean, sure, quick marriages, but then back to life, right?"

 

"This isn't the only part of the island I'm assigned to patrol. But you'd be surprised. It takes a certain kind of person to come here, looking for love." He looked at her over the mouth of his bottle. "No offense meant."

 

"None taken," Bess replied evenly. "I came here with my friend. Just thought I'd soak up some sun, dance my nights away... go back home with a few snapshots."

 

"Amen to that," he said, and they toasted.

 

\--

 

Nancy's breath caught and she exhaled slowly in the light of the much sturdier pillar candle. "Ohhh, yes, yes," she whispered to Ned, leaning into his touch. "Right... ohhh..."

 

She tilted her head back and

 

Jamie was walking down the hallway, a rush of dark brown and red silk, candle cupped in her hands, down the long hallway they had seen earlier. Down into the basement, girls with dark eyes and blonde hair and sequined gowns and the same expression of self-satisfied obedience.

 

Nancy opened her eyes and let go, let go of everything, let her body respond instinctually to Ned's touch. Judging by his reaction, it was the right thing to do. She drowned in the rhythm of their movements, and

 

Nancy was walking down the same hallway in her wedding gown, candle cupped in her hands. The crystal chandeliers split the light into a thousand stars on the ceiling, and she moved among them, the drugged girls, she moved

 

He moved and she moaned against his mouth, fingers wet and twitching against his, her every nerve mouth open and waiting

 

and the crowd parted and Jean was there, his eyes, the knowing smile, he knew, he knew, and she stood before him in her wedding gown with all the maids in waiting around them, in the circle of candlelight

 

Nancy screamed in horror and the ecstasy of Ned's touch, forcing her eyes open to see him above her. "Don't let me go, Ned, don't let me, oh God, oh God..." she wrapped her legs around him and turned her face into the pillow, screaming full-throated as he sank inside her, the rocking of her hips matching his exactly as she screamed, breathless, arching her spine as he moaned against her skin. After their final spasms their bodies slowed, then stopped, his forehead against hers, their breath mingling in the dark.

 

Ned finally recovered. "Um... Nan? You okay?" His palms slid down her legs, caressing, and he untangled her from around him, then rolled off her, onto his side. She started shaking and he put his arm around her, pulled her to him, smelling his scent on her skin. "Shh, baby, what's wrong?"

 

"He's calling me again," she whispered, burying her face against his chest. "I don't want to go."

 

"How about if I handcuff you to the bed?" He smiled, but when she didn't respond he stroked her hair. "That's the last thing I'd do."

 

"He was calling me to the house. I thought it was empty. I thought there would be cops there and I thought he was gone for good but he's calling me there, with the other girls..."

 

"Shh, shh," he whispered. He leaned down and kissed her, hard, and she put her hand behind his neck and held him to her. "If you think he's there, I will go there right now and get him."

 

"Don't leave me," she cried, wrapping her body around his. "Don't leave me here, I'll make love to you, I'll do anything you want..."

 

"It's okay," he whispered, smiling. "Give me a minute and I'll take you up on that."

 

\--

 

She turned in her sleep, and her fingers slid over the pillow in a movement that became more deliberate. Her eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the moonlight, she inhaled and tasted the long-extinguished candle smoke. "Ned?" she whispered. "Ned?"

 

The bed shifted and she turned over, into his arms. "It's all right," he whispered, laughing a little as she groped at him. "Nan, you don't have to do this. I'm not leaving."

 

"You don't want me to...?" she asked, looking up into his eyes.

 

"I do. Believe me, I do." He kissed her slowly, running his fingers down her cheek. "But somehow I think it would kill the mood if you fell asleep at the crucial moment."

 

"You know I wouldn't." She tightened her arms around him and closed her eyes. "We've had so few crucial moments that I'd feel contractually obligated to... involve myself."

 

"Yeah." Ned nuzzled her neck, his eyes closed. "Yeah, if you're trying to get me interested against my better judgement..."

 

"Judgement?" Nancy laughed. "There is no such thing as judgement when I'm not wearing any underwear."

 

"Yeah, you just bought yourself a few hours' less sleep," Ned growled, rolling over with her.

 

\--

 

George slid onto a barstool. "What'll it be?" the woman behind the counter asked, polite interest on her face, but no glimmer of recognition.

 

"Gin and tonic," George instructed, watching her mix it. "Why is your picture in Jean's basement?"

 

The woman's hands slowed for a moment before she finished. "Because I was his for a while. And then it wore off."

 

"What wore off?"

 

She shrugged and handed George her drink. "The spell. The drug. Whatever it was. I can barely remember it, anyway. I spent a week in some kind of trance, and then I woke up in my room with this giant headache and... Jean..."

 

"Jean was there?"

 

She shook her head. "That's all I can remember. Jean. Smoking a cigarette. But he does that while he's here. I don't remember the house or the gowns..."

 

George raised her eyebrow. "Gowns?"

 

"Sequined. Long. In candlelight." The woman shook her head rapidly. "I really don't want to think about it."

 

"So you don't know why any of it happened?"

 

"All I know is that they're gone. That I would be too, if something hadn't gone wrong. And that no one would have missed me. They'll never come back."

 

"Jamie? Our friend? She's on the wall. Nancy saw her in the house."

 

The bartender shook her head. "Have a drink in her memory."

 

\--

 

"Come with me."

 

Ned was drowning. He couldn't get any air into his lungs. It was so heavy, individual droplets of lead, clogging in his joints, slowing the beating veins in his head.

 

Fingers, fingers around his numb hand, pressure up his right arm all the way up to the elbow. Warm pulsebeat and the quiet calm presence and

 

He finally forced a lungful of air down and it hurt like hell, like he hadn't used his lungs in months instead of nanoseconds. It caught and he coughed, and the fingers tightened around his.

 

"It's all right. We're almost there, honey." The hysteria. He hadn't heard it before. The thinnest edge, the intake of her breath as she finished the words, as though she could suck them back in, terrible mistakes that should never have been. "Almost there. Ned, oh God."

 

Keep walking. If he kept walking it would make sense.

 

With supreme effort he drove the wedge in, and stopped so suddenly that Nancy was taken off balance, especially in the long gown, the silk gleaming in the moonlight. Ned stared at it blindly. Wedding dress. Her fingers still wrapped around his, but he could feel the twitch, a long sibilant shudder traveling up and down the length of her body, waiting to drive her feet toward...

 

He didn't. He couldn't look over there. He knew.

 

"Nancy, what the hell are you doing?"

 

"He wants me. He wants me to come back to him tonight. In this dress. We have to..." She was shaking her head, back and forth, faster and faster. He had anticipated her, and her fingers writhed in his grip but found no purchase. "I have to go there..."

 

"I want you. Right here. Tonight. Right now." He wrapped his other arm around her waist. "Out here on the beach. Right here." He leaned down, his mouth against her ear, and now his breath was the cause of the shudder he could feel under his palm. "I want to fuck you so hard you won't even remember his name," he whispered, his grip on her tightening.

 

Her knees gave way as she stared into his eyes, unabashed interest in her own. She murmured slowly, "I want you to fuck me so hard that my screams drown out the sound of his voice in my head, in my fucking head, oh God I can hear him..."

 

"No," Ned whispered. "No. Right now. I'm going to take you back to the room and rip that dress off you and when I find him, when you're strong enough to let me find him..."

 

Nancy put her finger over his lips. "Shh," she murmured. "Don't let me go. Don't let me."

 

\--

 

"He's there."

 

The cop shook his head. "No, he's not. Believe me. We've had guards posted around the clock, and there hasn't been so much as a cricket out of place. No movement at all."

 

"He went somewhere though. His jet is still here. He's still here."

 

He shrugged. "Even if he did, we have no proof. There's nothing wrong with having headshots, nothing wrong with having a woman living with him."

 

Bess scowled. "I wouldn't be this worried if it weren't my best friend we're talking about here."

 

"But she's married. She has more than enough to distract her from trying to track this jerk down. I think you need another drink."

 

"Maybe we just need distractions from the distractions."

 

\--

 

He sank to his knees behind her, unfastening every button, all the way down. He reached the last and his hands fell to his sides, and Nancy turned around to find him staring up at her.

 

"You're so beautiful, I can't believe you're mine," he whispered.

 

"I've been yours from the first moment I saw you," Nancy replied, sinking to her knees gracefully before him. She took his hands. "Always."

 

He leaned forward and they kissed, hungrily, he reached up and pushed the dress off her shoulders and she shrugged out of it, then gasped for breath as he left her lips to trace a path down to her collarbone. He groaned as he encountered the formidable fastenings of her strapless bra.

 

"Let me," she whispered, and after a few swift complicated movements she was naked to the waist, rising from the lake of white silk that gleamed around them. She looked up at him and a tiny smile crossed her face.

 

"Can you hear him right now?" Ned asked, fingertips sliding over her ears. "Can you hear his voice?"

 

She shook her head. "All I hear is you," she whispered, shivering as his hands slid down to her waist. She smiled at his sudden expelled breath when she kissed the place between his neck and shoulder, as she tugged at his sleeping shorts. "All I want is you."

 

He pulled her up from her knees and she rose, a blushing angel, from the tomb of white silk, and they went to bed naked, wrapped around each other as though for dear life. She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed his ring quietly, and as he stared into her eyes he found himself paralyzed again. She rubbed the side of her foot lazily against his leg.

 

"Are you all right?"

 

Ned shook his head slowly. "I thought that ring on your finger meant it would never happen again. I thought you'd never go out in the middle of the night again, I thought I was enough..."

 

Nancy's lip was trembling, and her eyes were wet. "Ned, please... don't say that..."

 

"You can't tell me it won't happen again."

 

"If I knew how to stop this, if I knew what to do, I'd do it, I'd chain myself to you, I'd never let you go..."

 

"What's going to make this enough?"

 

Nancy brushed the side of her hand angrily against her wet face. "I love you," she whispered, pleading. "Ned, love me, please love me..."

 

He kissed her, sudden, hard, and she cried out in relief, her body melting against and into his. "Nan, I love you so much and I've never felt less in control than when  you walk out that door to him..."

 

"It's not me!" she cried out, tears spilling down her cheeks again. "It's not me! I would never, I love you so much, I love you, I want you—"

 

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pressed her into the mattress, his weight comfortable in its new familiarity, and he kissed her desperately, to stop himself from speaking the terrible things and hearing her pained confused replies. He traced the yielding curves of her flesh, taking hold, hearing her startled gasps, and when they began, her head tilted back, his forehead against her own, slow and then building until her screams vibrated against his skin, he forgot it all in the imperative to go deeper, so deep within her that he'd wipe out all traces of the other, the cloying scent of his cigarettes and the promise of light flecked on the walls, so deep, he'd leave himself where no one else could go. And she cried out, pausing only for gasping breaths, meeting his every touch feverishly, fingers wet and limp and her chest heaving under his, every atom of her being consumed by the rhythm of his movement within her, the rhythm of her instinctual response.

 

She was raw, aching, full, in his desperate speechless embrace, as she felt her blood slow, as she felt the pain throbbing from his harder caresses fade. She buried her face against his shoulder, heedless of anything, clinging to him as surely as he clung to her. She felt a sob rising and stifled it, and breathed "Hurt."

 

"Oh God," Ned whispered. He ran a hand over her hair. "Nan..."

 

"Shh," she whispered, eyes closed, all her energy spent. "Just hold me."

 

\--

 

He waited until she was asleep. He'd thought that he could just slip out. But despite himself, despite her occasional gasped breath, he felt himself slipping. He thought maybe his presence was hurting her, just his being there beside her, but she was warm and naked and he was so tired, so tired, and she was holding the arm he had slung over her stomach.

 

When he woke she wasn't in bed with him anymore. He found her on their balcony staring moodily out to sea, her eyes matching the grey of the sky. She was wrapped in the hotel bathrobe, holding it tight around her, leaning against the rail, against the wind.

 

"Hey," he said quietly. He rested a hand on her back.

 

"Hey," she replied, toneless.

 

"I'm sorry," he said after a long silence had stretched between them.

 

She smiled wryly and stroked her abs. "Yeah. Well, I doubt I'll do that again."

 

"Go walking in your sleep?"

 

"Something like that." Nancy leaned forward again.

 

Ned took a deep breath. "I think we need to get out of here."

 

Nancy turned to him, opened her mouth, then shook her head and leaned forward again.

 

"What is it?"

 

"And go where, Ned?" Nancy burst out.

 

Ned's brow furrowed. "Back to River Heights."

 

Nancy shook her head. "You don't understand," she muttered.

 

"I don't understand what?" Ned grabbed her arm and turned her toward him. "What do I not understand?"

 

Nancy's eyes widened. "Are you going to hurt me again?"

 

\--

 

"I hurt her," Ned breathed.

 

Bess picked at her pretzel. A flying grain of salt hit Ned on his tanned arm. "I think we do need to get out of here. I say they make one last sweep of the mansion and then we hit the next plane." She shivered. "I want to get out of here."

 

Bess and Ned were the only guests under the canopy. A strong wind had kicked up, and Bess was shivering in her sundress. She looked at him over the table and pulled a cardigan over her shoulders.

 

"Maybe once we get out of here she'll forget about him."

 

\--

 

"There's no evidence of anyone having been back here."

 

Jeff turned to Bess. "I don't know what else to tell you."

 

Bess leaned down and picked up a gum wrapper. She twisted it between her fingers and let the weak sun gleam off it. "Thanks," she murmured. "You'll let me know if you find her, won't you?"

 

"Sure thing."

 

Bess walked away, still folding the wrapper between her fingers.

 

\--

 

"Believe me, if it were up to me I'd stay here," Nancy said, shooting a dirty glance over her shoulder. "Daniel, I really don't know what to tell you. I think she doesn't want to be found. Do you really want to keep looking for someone who doesn't want to come back?"

 

After Nancy had hung up the phone, Ned pulled back the covers on her side of the bed, patted the mattress. "Come on in," he said.

 

Nancy reached for her tennis shoes. "I'm going to take a walk," she said.

 

Ned took her arm, gently. "Talk to me," he whispered.

 

"There's nothing to talk about."

 

"There are a lot of things to talk about." He slid his fingers down her arm, down to her fingers. "Why have you shut me out like this?"

 

Nancy shuddered. "You hurt me," she whispered.

 

"I swear to God I didn't mean to."

 

"I bled again."

 

Ned froze. "You didn't tell me."

 

"What would that have changed?" Nancy stood up and paced the space between the bed and the balcony. "What if I walk out tonight, are you going to bring me back and rape me—"

 

"I didn't rape you." Ned stood, his voice low and dangerous.

 

"I know that." Nancy wiped tears from her eyes. "Not this time."

 

"I would never." Ned's fist convulsively clenched and unclenched.

 

"I don't know who I am, what I'm doing, I can't—"

 

"How the fuck can you even say that."

 

Nancy dropped to the floor, sobbing. "Ned I'm sorry just don't touch me—"

 

"I'll touch you anytime I damn well want," he growled, grabbing her by the arm and throwing her onto their bed. She cried out and watched him through red-rimmed eyes, curled in on herself, shaking for fear he'd touch her again.

 

"Nancy..." Ned shook his head suddenly. "I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you last night, I just... how could you possibly think that?"

 

Nancy grabbed a kleenex from the box on the bedside table and wiped her face. "Could you just calm down and think for a minute that when we got here you and I were just dating?"

 

"But we'd talked about getting married before..."

 

"Where the hell are we going to live, Ned?" Nancy laughed harshly. "I look at another guy and you..." Nancy swept her arm wide, over the bed. "Whatever happened last night. I needed it, you needed it, I wanted you to do that, but I have no idea what happened. No fucking idea. I feel like I woke from one nightmare to another one. You're jealous and I'm afraid and I want this to be over, but I have no idea how to fix it. Or how long I'm going to remember last night every time you touch me."

 

"Right now?" he whispered. "Right now are you remembering it?" He slid his fingers all the way down her arm, and she shivered.

 

Nancy closed her eyes. "Don't hurt me again." Her fingers twitched under his.

 

"I swear to you I will never hurt you again."

 

"If I tell you to stop..." her lips were trembling.

 

"Then I'll stop. Doesn't matter where we are."

 

He pulled the shades and turned off the lights, then took off his clothes and joined her under the covers, where she was shaking, similarly waiting. He laced his fingers between hers and they lay with foreheads touching.

 

"Are you still bleeding?" he whispered.

 

She shook her head. "It was a little. Just enough to scare me," she replied.

 

He curved an arm around her shoulders and pulled them together. "I'm actually tired," Ned laughed. "This has been one of the longest days of my life."

 

"You too?" Nancy looped her arms around his neck. "I'll take a raincheck, trust me."

 

\--

 

"Come on, please," Bess giggled. "For me. It's not like we have that much time."

 

"Fine." Jeff grumbled, but smiled at her, as he picked up the phone and called headquarters. After a brief conversation, he hung up the phone and grabbed Bess.

 

She squealed and pushed him back after a few kisses. "So?"

 

"Results haven't come back from the lab yet."

 

"Remind me to throw my forwarding address on your jeans when we're done here."

 

"Yeah, because you're about to have your mind blown, baby." He grinned and kissed her again.

 

\--

 

"I left you a note," Nancy called over her shoulder.

 

"I didn't find it," Ned replied. "But I was strangely calm when I didn't find you beside me."

 

He leaned over and studied the sand castle she was making in the moonlight, the waves barely lapping at her heels. Her fingers traced curves in the mound's surface.

 

"This is it," she whispered. "I didn't find her. I feel like I let Daniel down."

 

Ned settled down behind Nancy, his chest solidly against her back, his legs spread to envelop hers, his arms around her waist. She paused for a second as he adjusted, then went back to smoothing a pile of sand up into a tower, without turning around to face him.

 

"There are no leads, there's no trail to follow. And I'm afraid if we stay here that you'll lose your mind, or I will." He rested his head against her shoulder, his mouth close to her ear. "I love you so much," he whispered.

 

"I love you too," she replied. Her fingers shook a little and one of the towers partially crumbled into an uneven pile of damp sand. He sighed and she felt it brush against the fine hairs on her neck, and she shivered.

 

"What is it?"

 

In answer he pulled her to his chest and leaned back, until his back was against the sand and his chin was against the crown of her head. She held his arms over her stomach, and carefully balanced her legs on his spread ones, not wanting to disturb the castle complex between them.

 

He was quiet for a long moment, then he laughed, reached up and brushed some of her hair out of his face. "I kind of want to know why you came out here tonight," he finally murmured.

 

"I wanted to see the stars one last time. They're so beautiful here, away from all the city lights."

 

"Are you sure you don't feel him?"

 

"I'm sure now." Her tone was hard, but not cold.

 

"Will you come back to bed with me and let me love you?"

 

She smiled. "How long have I been waiting to hear you speak those words."

 

He was so gentle it would have been frustrating almost any other time. Reverent as he should have been, but this time with fingers instead of words. She met his kisses, leaned into his touch, and when she found herself afraid again and cried silently he stopped, her tears on his skin, held her and murmured to her until she could kiss him again. She quivered when he ran his tongue around her belly button, her fingers dug into his back as he sank inside her, his teeth against her shoulder, waiting for her permission, and when she gasped her plea he moved inside and there was desperation in their movements and her moans, but not the hard frightened desperation of the night before. When her voice reached that pitch, her hips that frantic movement under his, he held out the slightest bit longer and felt her come, felt her release so strongly that he shook when he reached his own climax and began to fall.

 

She rolled over with him on the bed and they were so close, there was only the sweat on their skin between them, as he buried his face in her hair and drew in its scent. "Oh God, Nan," he whispered. "Was that okay?"

 

"Yes," she replied in a voice muffled against his chest, and then laughed. "Oh yes."

 

\--

 

"Hey," Bess called sleepily in the morning.

 

"Hey," Jeff replied, buttoning his jeans and smiling at Bess's tousled hair. "Have a nice flight."

 

"You too." She gave him the finger when he chuckled. "Hey, bring me my purse. I want to give you my address and phone number for those test results."

 

"I could send them to Nancy," Jeff replied, but brought her the purse anyway. She started digging through it for a pen.

 

"Well, yeah, but what if I wanted to arrange a little return visit?" Bess smiled, still searching. She came up with a handful of assorted bits of paper she had in her purse, and one of the first things she pulled from her fingers was the slightly crumpled gum wrapper.

 

"Hey. Jeff?"

 

"What is it?"

 

"Get this analyzed too."

 

Jeff accepted the wrapper with a wrinkled forehead. "A gum wrapper you found in the bottom of your purse."

 

"No. I found it at Jean's house. I wasn't sure if it meant anything."

 

"What makes you think it does mean anything? That wrapper could have just blown onto his property."

 

"Look, humor me. I'll definitely eat my words if it turns out to be nothing." Bess ran her fingers through her hair. "Prove me wrong, you know you want to."

 

"You're so cute when you're angry," Jeff laughed.

 

\--

 

George nodded to the stewardess. "Screwdriver."

 

Bess had been staring intently at the LED screen on the back of the seat in front of her. Slowly she paused the movie, moved an earphone from her ear, and turned to stare at her cousin. "I'm sorry, I think I just heard you say..."

 

"Here's your screwdriver," the stewardess said, placing a punch-sized plastic cup in front of George along with the napkin and tiny bag of honey roasted peanuts. "You?"

 

Bess shook her head. "Just a Sprite, please." She gestured the woman to move on once she had received her drink, not wanting her to stick around and hear Nancy and Ned's less than inconspicuous murmurings about the Mile High Club. "Killing a hangover?"

 

"You'd know if you hadn't called it an early night with that cop." George tossed back her drink and tore open the peanut bag.

 

"Excuse me if I didn't want to stick around and watch you dirty dancing with Mister All-American. What was his name again?"

 

"I didn't quite catch the name."

 

"Oh? Too busy falling asleep while watching movies?"

 

"Something like that. So did your little tryst with the cop actually result in anything, like getting those test results back?"

 

Bess sighed, crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. "Not yet. But at least I gave him the gum wrapper before we left."

 

"You sure we shouldn't just have taken it to Chief McGinnis? I think he might have gotten things done a bit faster than some island cop you wrapped around your little finger."

 

Bess shrugged. "The longer we stayed there, the less optimistic I was about finding Jamie. Especially if what Nancy said is true, that Jean has Jamie. Jean is viciously hot. Daniel may be a cutie, but he'd never pass for Johnny Depp even if you gave him a wig and brown contacts."

 

"But he might have Jamie drugged. Like Ned was sure he did to Nancy."

 

Bess started chewing the end of her straw once she'd drained her punch cup. "Yeah, but she sure looks fine now, doesn't she?"

 

George stared past her cousin and had to admit she was right. Gone was the jealous, paranoid guy Ned had started to become. George could hardly believe Bess's account of what had happened between Nancy and Ned a couple of nights before, not with his hand firmly holding Nancy's, his eyes laughing into hers.

 

George dropped her voice. "Has she talked to you any more about him... getting rough with her?"

 

Bess shook her head slowly. "She didn't even tell me. He did."

 

George sighed and popped another peanut into her mouth. "I am going to be so glad to get back to River Heights. Away from all this paranoid chatter about missing girls." She crumpled the bag in her fist and stuffed it into the rear pocket, then folded up her tray table. "Wake me up after Lord of the Rings," she yawned, gesturing to Bess's paused movie screen.

 

"Sure," Bess agreed, concentrating on her movie and hoping intently that she didn't notice if Nancy and Ned went to the bathroom within a minute or two of each other.


	3. Chapter 3

"You did _what?_"

 

"We... got married, Daddy."

 

Carson Drew threw his newspaper on the floor. Nancy cringed, her fingers twisting in Ned's grip.

 

"Mr. Drew... you knew we were talking about getting married."

 

"_Talking about_. Not imminently planning." Carson shook his head. "Where are the two of you going to live? Where's your marriage license?"

 

Nancy and Ned exchanged glances. "They... left it on file in the islands," Nancy murmured.

 

"Well, get a copy of it. Because I'm not going to have the two of you sleeping in this house until I see it." Carson shook his head again. "I'm very disappointed in both of you."

 

"Why, Dad?" Nancy's eyes were flashing.

 

"Nancy, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? You haven't even applied to college yet. And you, Ned..." He gestured incoherently. "Look, three years from now, four, I would have been more than happy to escort you up the aisle. But you are too young."

 

Ned shook his head. "We will make this work."

 

Carson sank back down into his armchair and buried his face in his hands. "You think you will..."

 

"I need to get out of here," Ned murmured to Nancy. She nodded, and followed him to the door, pausing as she pulled it shut behind them.

 

"Daddy?"

 

He made a shooing motion with his hand. Nancy closed the door, tears brimming in her eyes.

 

"Look, maybe he'll be fine after a few hours. Calmed down."

 

Nancy reached up and swiped at her cheek with her fist. "Take me somewhere else," she whispered.

 

\--

 

Despite herself, Nancy laughed through her tears. "I didn't mean a motel."

 

Ned ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry, I don't think I can go through an identical scene with my parents right now. Give me a minute. And I kinda want somewhere to stay, just in case..."

 

Nancy raised her eyes to meet his. "In case your parents throw us out too?"

 

Ned shrugged. "I don't want it to come to that. And I don't really want to be away from you."

 

"But... are the people at your campus gonna be that willing to let you move out of where you are right now?"

 

He sank down to the mattress, cupped his chin in his hand, and shrugged. He looked miserable.

 

Nancy stared at him for a minute, then clambered up on the bed behind him and started kneading his tense shoulders. He groaned, then let his muscles relax and slumped forward.

 

"You know what would be great right now?" he mumbled when she was finished.

 

"A nice dinner?" Nancy suggested.

 

"Among other things. Though are you positive it's such a good idea to fill our stomachs and then go have a knock-down drag-out with my parents? It might end up all over the lawn."

 

Nancy paused and her stomach took that opportunity to rumble loudly. "At least a Happy Meal, Mr. Nickerson."

 

"All right, Mrs. Nickerson."

 

\--

 

"The pool closed at midnight."

 

"Thanks," Nancy murmured, then hung up the phone. Ned turned over and Nancy watched him closely for a few minutes, then relaxed as his breathing eased.

 

She looked down at her left hand. The diamond looked like glass in the moonlight. She eased back down onto the mattress, then cupped her chin in her hands.

 

Her father had called his parents. So James and Edith had been waiting for Ned, and hadn't been much more conciliatory. After that tense conversation, Ned had driven in silence, and Nancy hadn't been able to think of anything that could possibly help their moods.

 

Maybe it would be good to go ahead, move in at Emerson. Sign up for some classes.

 

But Nancy didn't want that. Nancy wanted her freedom. She wanted to be able to go where she wanted, do what she wanted, just as she had been since graduating high school. Ned had merely tolerated her investigations; now that they were married...

 

She glanced down at the diamond again. She had called the island. The woman on the other end had assured her that she'd get the license out right away. Standard procedure. Until then, Nancy dreaded the next time she'd see her father. She hadn't even packed anything; it was all still back there, in that house, with her father. Her disappointed father.

 

Nancy lowered her body to the mattress and kicked under the sheets, pulled them over her head. Ned shifted next to her. She almost, almost, turned over, almost nestled into his back, but...

 

Job. She would have to find a job. Something to support them while he was in school. While she was in school. Waitressing. Like she'd done in high school.

 

Bills. Cramped student housing. Ned next to her in bed.

 

"Nan?"

 

Nancy turned over so that she was on her back. "Hmm?"

 

"Go to sleep?" he murmured. He tossed an arm in her direction and she moved under it, shifted closer to him across the bed.

 

"You go to sleep," she whispered to him, but his breathing was already slowing.

 

"We've got a big day tomorrow," she murmured.

 

\--

 

"Nancy?" Bess said slowly.

 

"Yeah?" Nancy dragged a hand through her hair as she dropped to the floor, after having dug her cell phone out of her purse in the darkness of their room.

 

"I just called your house..."

 

"Yeah, too much to explain. Maybe over lunch. What's up?"

 

"Just heard from Jeff."

 

"Jeff. Cop?"

 

"Yeah. He says that there were traces of a hypnotic in the cigarette George brought."

 

"What about... wasn't there something else?"

 

"I took a gum wrapper to him too but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. He says that there was so little material on the wrapper that any results might be inconclusive." Nancy could hear the shrug in Bess's voice.

 

"Thanks."

 

"So... lunch? Maybe Andy's?"

 

"Yeah, I'll see you there. Noonish."

 

"All right, Nan." Bess sounded concerned.

 

"Bye."

 

Ned yawned, ran a hand over his face. "Who was that?"

 

"Bess." Nancy shivered in the breeze from the air conditioner and crawled back under the covers. "I'm gonna go meet her for lunch."

 

Ned put an arm over her and pulled her against him. "Yeah. Just not right now..." he trailed off, nuzzling in her direction.

 

\--

 

"So he didn't take it well."

 

"Not at all." Nancy swirled the tea and ice cubes with her straw, watched it spin in her cup.

 

"Nan, you gotta eat something."

 

"Not hungry." Nancy stared down at her drink. Bess smacked her hand, and Nancy's head snapped up, her eyes wide.

 

"What's wrong with you?"

 

"Dad's pissed, Ned's parents are pissed, and... soon I'm gonna have to find a job."

 

Bess picked a pepperoni slice off her pizza and popped it into her mouth. "Eat that," she said, pointing at the stromboli on Nancy's plate.

 

Nancy shook her head. "I threw up everything I ate last night."

 

Bess stopped chewing and raised an eyebrow. "That bad?"

 

Nancy nodded miserably. "Ned's..." she snorted. "I don't even know what he is right now. I... well, I don't know what I was expecting when I got back here, but it wasn't this."

 

"When does Ned go back to school?"

 

"Two days from now."

 

"Do you think your dad will let you go back there until you get the housing stuff straightened out?"

 

Nancy shrugged, her eyes dim. "Do I want to?"

 

Bess snorted. "Well, where else are you gonna go?"

 

Nancy opened her mouth, then shook her head and closed it.

 

"No, what?" Bess asked. She peeled a mushroom off and popped it into her mouth.

 

"I'm..." Nancy shook her head.

 

"Tell me."

 

"Promise you won't tell anyone."

 

"Who would I tell? Well, I won't say that. I won't tell."

 

"I'm afraid that if I go back home, I won't... I won't leave."

 

"You think your dad will keep you there?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "It's going to be so hard to do this. Can you see Ned being cool with me going off, helping people, after this?"

 

Bess propped her chin on her hand. "Nancy, what happened between you and Ned?"

 

Nancy's face was suddenly guarded. "What do you mean?"

 

"He told me he hurt you."

 

Nancy was quiet for a long moment. Then she picked up her fork and stabbed the stromboli on her plate. "He did."

 

"What happened?"

 

"I woke up and put on my wedding dress and dragged Ned out onto the beach, and he woke up and figured out what was going on, and we went back to our hotel room, and..." Nancy shrugged.

 

"And he... hurt you."

 

"Well, not really. I mean, it's not like we've had sex more than five times, and of course I'm still a little bit sore..."

 

"Nancy... dammit. Are you telling me the truth?"

 

She nodded, dropping her chin to her chest. "He didn't really hurt me," Nancy mumbled.

 

"I should smack you again," Bess said. Nancy raised her head and met Bess's gaze. "If he did..."

 

"He didn't," Nancy mumbled again.

 

Bess took several bites of her now-cheese pizza before she could go on. "So you're worried about... basically growing up, I guess."

 

"I don't even know what I want to do with the rest of my life."

 

"Well, you'll have time to figure that out. Maybe you'll take some classes at Emerson."

 

Nancy thought for a second, then a sardonic grin crossed her face. "Bess, imagine if right now you were married. And about to leave home."

 

Bess chewed thoughtfully, then took a sip of her drink. "I see what you mean."

 

\--

 

Nancy took two steps inside, then looked around. "Um..."

 

Ned reached over and flipped a light switch a few times. "Hmm." He stepped around her, then pulled up some blinds.

 

Nancy made a face and closed the door to shut out the traffic noise. "Okay."

 

Ned turned around and met her gaze. "We don't have to settle for this."

__

_What other choice do we have?_ "But it is really close to campus," she said.

 

He nodded. Then he watched her eyes. "Nan?"

 

"Hmm?" She wouldn't meet his gaze, so he walked over and tilted her chin up to see her glistening eyes.

 

"Oh, Nan." He wrapped his arms around her. "Nan, I'm sorry."

 

"Did you think it was going to be like this?" Nancy gasped out before she could stop herself.

 

"The room, or..."

 

"This." Nancy spread her arms to indicate the apartment and themselves in it. "Us."

 

"I always knew I wanted to be with you."

 

"Me too." She rubbed a hand over her wet, swelling eyes. "But... Ned, what if Dad was right..."

 

He stroked her back. "We can make this work. And it will be work. It will be hard."

 

Nancy nodded, then drew a shaking breath. "You're right."

 

"Your dad..." Ned shook his head. "Nancy, hey." He kissed her forehead.

 

"Could we do this later?"

 

"Yeah," Ned said. Not mentioning that he would be starting class the next day. Not mentioning that there were three other people looking at the apartment.

 

And she didn't mention why she raised a hand to her forehead and rubbed it vigorously.

 

\--

 

George ran a hand through her short, dark hair and gestured with her tennis racket. "Bring it, Drew."

 

"All right..." Nancy served the ball, slicing it through the air to the other corner of the court. They both watched it fall outside the line.

 

"You okay? Sleeping okay?" George asked. "You're not usually like this."

__

_I said I was too tired last night so we didn't make love, but he doesn't know that I watch him sleep instead of sleeping now_. "I don't know what the problem is. I'll try it again."

 

After her second and third attempts were similarly unsuccessful, George stepped up to the net. "Nan?"

 

Nancy swiped a hand over her eyes. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "Maybe..."

 

"Maybe we should go get a soda and take a raincheck?"

 

Nancy nodded gratefully.

 

They had settled into a booth at a local cafe when George finally piped up. "So I called your house..."

 

Nancy laughed. "Yeah, just use my cell phone to get me."

 

"You're not gonna have a house phone?" George tried to say it casually.

 

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "Let me get back to you on that."

 

"So where are you and Ned staying?" George couldn't hide her curiosity any longer.

 

"At a hotel in Emerson. Right near campus."

 

"For how long?"

 

Nancy buried her head in her hands.

 

\--

 

Ned threw back the covers of their bed, drew a glass of water, and sipped at it, sitting on his side of the bed. Not mentioning the sniffles he heard issuing from the other side.

 

He finished the glass and curled back under the covers, a little closer to the middle than before, to see what she would do. She did move a little closer, and for a while that was enough, but then he had to, had to, speak.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

She rubbed at her face with clenched fists. Wet skin squeaked against wet skin. "I'm fine," she managed to choke out.

 

"Bullshit."

 

She turned over to face him. "I am fine," she said. Her eyes were brimming. She wrapped her arms around him and he returned the embrace. "You're not a mistake," she whispered into his chest.

 

Despite himself, he laughed. "No, I'm not a mistake." He smoothed her hair back. "Shhh, it's all right."

 

He felt her sobs shake her as she nestled into him. "I just... oh God," she whispered, her voice rising to a keening pitch at the end.

 

"Just try to go to sleep, Nan."

 

"But it will still be here tomorrow," she mumbled into his chest.

 

"What will be?"

 

She shook her head. "Need sleep."

 

For the brief time he stayed awake after that, her breathing never slowed.

 

\--

 

Hannah poured Nancy a glass of juice. "So... I was kind of surprised to see you."

 

Nancy picked up her napkin and traced the edges with her fingers. "Yeah. We're kinda moving today."

 

"Where are you moving?"

 

"To an apartment complex near Ned's college."

 

Hannah put the juice back in the fridge. "I didn't expect you to be gone so soon."

 

"Well, he is back in class..."

 

"No, I mean... I mean out of the house."

 

Nancy shrugged. "To be honest I didn't either." She started shredding the napkin, slowly, methodically.

 

Hannah sat down across from Nancy on one of the bar stools. "So tell me what happened. Ned proposed? While you two were on the island?"

 

Nancy nodded. "And I love him, and I thought it was the right thing to do." She tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling. "But I'm miserable right now."

 

"Why are you miserable?"

 

She closed her eyes tightly. "Because I think we did it to prove something and we've failed."

 

Hannah traced patterns in the condensation on the table for a moment. "Oh, I almost forgot, something came in the mail for you."

 

\--

 

Ned tossed a duffel bag and sleeping bag on the floor and tilted his head at the noises coming from the kitchen. "Nan?"

 

"Just a second," she called.

 

He absently punched a pillow on the mattress and spread the sleeping bag over it, then picked his way around the scattered unpacking on the floor and into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around Nancy's stomach from behind her.

 

"Ooo, my favorite. You read my mind."

 

She squeezed a little more ketchup onto the left hand plate, then handed him the other. He munched a fry, then bit into the burger.

 

"Mmm, flame broiled goodness."

 

"Buy one get one free." She smiled. "How was class?"

 

He shrugged, took another bite of his burger. "The usual. Test on Friday I need to start studying for. And Professor Smythe wants me to grade some papers tomorrow afternoon."

 

"Ahh, the glamorous life."

 

Ned cocked an eyebrow. "How was your day?"

 

Nancy shrugged, dragging a fry around in her ketchup, then letting it fall on her plate. "All right."

 

He put his plate on the floor. "So how does everything look in here?"

 

"I'm sure everything will be fine when we have it all unpacked."

 

He was still studying three hours later. Nancy turned over on the mattress, stretched in the cocoon of sleeping bags they had assembled over it, and looked over at him. "Come to bed?"

 

"Just this one thing," he mumbled, running his finger down the page. "All right. I'll be right back, just gotta brush my teeth..."

 

Ned clicked the lamp on and crawled into bed with her, flipping his book open again.

 

"What is that?" she asked him, propping her head up on her hand.

 

His lips still moving as he read, he looked over at her. He froze mid-word, then reached up to cup her cheek in his hand, sliding his thumb over the hollow beneath her right eye. "Have you slept at all?" he whispered.

 

"Why?" She reached up and traced the path of his thumb with her fingers.

 

"You look so tired. I'm sorry." He pushed the book off his lap and clicked off the lamp, then scooted down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

 

"I'm fine," she mumbled.

 

"You're not," he whispered.

 

"Hush," she whispered. "Please hush." She squirmed and he released her. He felt the mattress shift with her weight, and then heard the rustle as she pulled her nightgown over her head and tossed it.

 

"Too hot?"

 

"Something like that," she murmured, fingers pulling his face to hers as she climbed on top of him.

 

\--

 

Bess tore apart another breadstick and swiped one piece around the inner curve of her salad bowl. "You're making me jealous. I'll have to visit you at Emerson one of these days and look Parker up again."

 

Nancy smiled and took a sip of her iced tea. "Maybe you should. It would be fun."

 

"I'll just have to figure out an excuse to get his roommate out of the room. Unless he's cute this year..." Bess grinned.

 

"Never say Bess won't try anything once."

 

"Except today. I have to go with the seafood alfredo."

 

Nancy nodded. "I think I'll go with that new dish I keep seeing commercials about..."

 

"The lasagna? Mmm. I'll be surprised if it's any better than Hannah's..." Bess ducked her head. "Oops."

 

Nancy shrugged. "No, it's all right. I actually went to see Hannah yesterday. She gave me some mail that's still in my purse," she murmured, then started digging through.

 

"So has your dad thawed out any?" Bess mumbled through another bite of breadstick.

 

"I don't think so, but it's not like I've tried to talk to him..." Nancy tilted the envelope she found toward the lamp over their table. "It's from the island. Speaking of Dad thawing out, this might be just the thing..."

 

"They got your marriage license that quick?"

 

She slid a thumb under the flap and tore the envelope open, then withdrew a single sheet of paper. The blood slowly drained from her face as she read it.

 

"Nan?" Bess's fork fell onto her bowl with a loud click.

 

Nancy swallowed hard. "They apologize profusely but they can't find any record."

 

"So what does that mean?"

 

Their eyes met. "It means Dad will never acknowledge that Ned and I are married. And it means legally... that legally we aren't either."

 

"But... George and I watched you two say your vows."

 

Nancy was staring at a point over Bess's shoulder. After a moment she shook herself, smiled weakly, shoved the letter back into the envelope and back into her purse. "You're right," she said. "You're right."

 

Bess just stared at her for the long minute before their waitress returned.

 

\--

 

Ned unlocked the door and tossed his keys on the bed. "Nan?" he called. "Are you here?"

 

He slid his backpack off, left it at the foot of the bed, then wandered into the kitchen in search of something to eat. He washed an apple while his gaze wandered over the countertop. It caught on something sparkling as he bit into the fruit, and when he tugged on the sheet of paper he heard a clink.

 

He read it. Read the typewritten paragraph, and then Nancy's cursive underneath it, the apple falling from his suddenly nerveless fingers. When he had finished it, somehow, he leaned down.

 

Her engagement and wedding rings had been on top, and had fallen to the floor.

 

\--

 

"Hannah, please, please, let me talk to her."

 

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ned. She needs time. I know you can understand that."

 

He released a breath. She held the phone to her ear, waiting.

 

"Can you just tell her that... when she's ready to talk, I'll be here? Anytime. She can just call my cell phone. And I will be there, no matter what..."

 

"I'll tell her."

 

"All right. I'll... okay."

 

"Good night, Ned."


	4. Chapter 4

Five years passed.

 

 

Nancy shouldered her duffel bag in a smooth motion, maintaining her balance even in stilettos. She smoothed one hand over her hair, then pulled a pair of sunglasses from her purse and perched them on top of her head, in anticipation of her exit from the Hong Kong airport.

 

She checked into a hotel she had used before, one which catered to English-speaking tourists, and dug through her purse as the concierge called up her reservation. She made a frustrated noise as she came up empty-handed.

 

"Something I can help you with, Miss Bellaris?"

 

Nancy didn't even pause as she answered to her alias. "A pack of playing cards."

 

He pointed over her shoulder. "Try the gift shop. They'll be open another fifteen minutes."

 

"Thanks."

 

After a few rousing hands of solitaire and a white russian courtesy of room service, Nancy went over her files. _This job shouldn't take too long_, she thought, _and then maybe a bit of sightseeing_. She glossed over a few facts one more time to make sure they were securely in her memory, then turned off the light. But her television, muted, stayed on all night.

 

\--

 

She trailed the businessman through the downtown shopping district, flipping a press ID when she followed him into his club. As she had suspected, it was there that he made his contact; but just in case, because she didn't want to miss anything, she followed him back to his hotel, where he changed for dinner. Then into a restaurant, and once she saw its menu she breathed a prayer of thanks for the company gold card in her purse.

 

As she sipped her drink she kept an eye on her quarry, who was seated in her line of sight but three tables away. To treat herself for a long day spent on heels she kicked them off beneath the floor-trailing tablecloth and rubbed her stockinged feet together as she ordered a filet mignon and house salad.

 

The woman who joined him flipped a wing of midnight-dark hair over her shoulder, and her profile clicked in Nancy's head as that of his mistress. Her slender body was presented to advantage by a scarlet sequined cocktail dress. Nancy ran a hand gently over her smooth chignon with a bit of regret. Tomorrow she could ditch the linen business suit for jeans and sneakers, and maybe charge some cheap knockoff of a designer dress to the expense account for a few hundred dollars less than she'd pay back home.

 

In honor of Valentine's Day, she treated herself to a slice of chocolate mousse cake. The businessman and his date had already left, doubtless with more important things to do. Nancy let her gaze wander as she slowly slid the fork out of her mouth.

 

Another familiar profile.

 

An American. Of course she had run into Americans in Hong Kong before; such was the curse of being the daughter of an internationally known attorney. This one, brown-haired, was conferring every now and then with a girl sitting beside him, and then she chattered back to the native businessmen across their oversized table. But his back was to her. It was only when the waitress came over, asking if he cared for another drink, that she caught it again.

 

Her self-control allowed her only an eyebrow raised in faint amusement.

 

She was at the coat closet, waiting for a bowing, smiling girl to return with her coat, when she felt a light hand at her back, removed as quickly as it took her to register its presence. "I'm sorry, don't mean to startle you, Miss...?"

 

She turned slightly. "Miss," she confirmed, smiling. "Been a while, hasn't it."

 

"Didn't want to blow any... things you might have going on."

 

She dipped her head in thanks. "Speaking of... you're fluent. So what's the deal with the translator?"

 

"I haven't quite gotten down the terminology yet. Data cards, semiconductors..." He shrugged into his own coat. "Well, I have, but it's far more interesting to hear what they say when they think I don't understand it."

 

"Sneaky." She smiled at him. Outwardly cool while her heart pounded.

 

He checked his watch. "Look... I have a few loose ends to tie up, but after that... can I buy you a drink? No strings attached, I swear," he said, holding his hands up, palms toward her.

 

"I... I'd like that," she said.

 

"Maybe we can swap stories about what brought us to Hong Kong."

 

"Sounds like a plan," she nodded.

 

\--

 

He raised his index finger. "One more," he said, pointing at Nancy, and the bartender swiftly poured another shot and placed it on the bar in front of her.

 

"No, no," she said, shaking her head so that her hair flew. She had taken it down from the severe chignon, at his questioning the hairstyle, but now she rather wished she'd left it up. It felt so hot in the bar. But shaking her head wasn't the best course, either; she gripped the edge of the bar with both hands and waited a few seconds for the room to stop spinning.

 

"I'll take one too."

 

"No fair," she scowled. "You... bigger framed. Won't be as much."

 

"What about a double? That fair?"

 

She thought about it hard for a second, then nodded. "Okay."

 

"'Cause we're gonna need it." He signaled the bartender.

 

"Why?"

 

He placed a finger over his lips, then lifted his double and raised three fingers. She lifted her smaller glass. He counted down and then they tossed them back in one fluid movement. The glasses hit the bar at the same time.

 

"All right," he said, after Nancy had shaken her head in a shiver and had almost fallen off her barstool as a result. "I heard from Bess that two days after, you went to Europe."

 

She nodded. "On a case. Very urgent."

 

"Kind of convenient that one came up."

 

Nancy tried to stare at him steadily, but couldn't do it. Her eyes were wandering too much. "It was. Very convenient. I needed something to take my mind off things."

 

"And that did?"

 

She nodded, running her finger around the edge of her glass. "Yeah. It was a tough one. Took me a while."

 

He raised another finger at the bartender. "What happened after that?"

 

Nancy shrugged. "Eventually I was licensed, and I'm in pretty high demand. Right now I'm being contracted to tail a businessman suspected of taking government bribes to illegally ship goods back to the US. I've already taken my pictures and gotten all the evidence I need."

 

He raised an eyebrow, took a sip of his mixed drink. "So your work here is done?"

 

She nodded. "But I still have a few days. Wanted to do a little sightseeing. I don't have anything lined up that has to be taken care of right away. What about you? What brings you to lovely Hong Kong?"

 

"How far back do you want me to go?"

 

She shrugged. "As far back as you want."

 

"I finished my degree in business management and now I'm working a good deal of our overseas accounts. All that traveling really helped. Now I'm trying to make sure we don't get screwed by our partners."

 

"Sounds like a blast."

 

He shrugged. "Something to keep the penthouse and convertible, I guess."

 

"So where do you live now?"

 

He gave her a hard look, but her expression didn't change. "Nice little apartment building in Chicago."

 

"Girlfriend, or maid three times a week?" She toyed with her drink.

 

"No girlfriend." He watched her gaze as he touched her hand, going from his right to left, checking for a ring. He wore none.

 

"None for me either." She giggled, then caught herself.

 

"Yeah, I didn't really peg you that way."

 

She pulled the straw out of her drink and traced a pattern in the condensation on the bartop. "I didn't trust myself to look you up."

 

"Why?"

 

"I didn't want to face you." She met his eyes for a second. "I knew you were probably mad at me. And you had every right to be."

 

"I was more hurt than angry, Nan."

 

"Ned..." She shook her head, then propped it on her right palm. "I should never have told you yes. I just wasn't ready."

 

"But..." he shook his head and touched her hand again. She flipped it over, palm up, and he traced his fingers over the lifelines. She felt a pleasant tingle at his touch. "But you were gone after that. You were never home. Or maybe you were and Hannah lied a lot."

 

Nancy gave him a tiny smile. "That could be. But the year after... it's all a blur now. I think I spent three weeks in Paris, and then an FBI recruiter contacted me..."

 

He pulled back his hand. "I just wanted to know you were okay."

 

"And that I was thinking about you. I know you wanted to know that too."

 

He nodded. "Of course."

 

"I did. I thought about you all the time. Like whether you'd been punished for me vacating the lease..."

 

Ned shook his head. "I kicked a sophomore out of my room at the frat and just went back there."

 

Nancy sighed in relief. "I was really worried about that."

 

"Was that all?"

 

"All what?"

 

"All you were worried about?"

 

"I was sure you hated me. I didn't like to think about that."

 

"Did you date anybody else?"

 

Nancy buried her face in her hands, then looked up at the bartender, raised a finger. "One more."

 

"Same, ma'am?"

 

Nancy nodded, then patted the table right in front of her. "Yes. Right now."

 

After she had tossed it back, she turned to him. "I ran into Mick when I was over in Europe."

 

Ned dry-washed his face with his palms, ran his fingers through his hair, then turned to face her again.

 

"Do you want to hear the rest of it?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"He and I spent a lot of time together. He treated me like a princess. Was totally sympathetic. Said he knew everything I was going through. And then he asked me again to marry him."

 

She looked up. His mouth was a firm line. Tight control.

 

"I told him he had no idea who I was, and he hadn't heard me at all, and I never wanted to see him again."

 

"Shot," Ned called to the bartender above the din, holding a finger aloft to silence Nancy. After he had tossed it back and placed the glass firmly on the bar, he lowered the finger.

 

"So was there anyone else?"

 

Nancy shrugged. "A few guys. Nothing serious. To be honest I haven't really had the time or desire to get involved with anyone else. So... did you?"

 

He met her gaze. "There were a few," he admitted. "One named Erika. Things got kind of serious with her, but..." He shrugged.

 

"Just didn't work out?"

 

He nodded. "There wasn't anyone else like you."

 

\--

 

"Hang on. Don't get out until I go around."

 

"All right," she laughed, and waited until he had walked around to her side of the taxi, opened the door, and offered an arm to attempt an exit. She laughed up into his eyes and he gestured behind her.

 

"Don't forget your shoes."

 

She grabbed her shoes and purse from the taxi, and he reached around her to grab his coat, his shirtsleeves rolled up to expose his tanned forearms. His side was flush against hers, and then he lightly slid an arm over her back, his hand up at the back of her head.

 

"Don't bump your head, Nan."

 

His hand was still on her hair as they stood on the sidewalk. Ned slammed the door of the taxi and turned to see her staring at him.

 

He raised an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

 

"Um..." she cleared her throat. "Thanks."

 

"For what?"

 

"The... the not bumping head thing."

 

He nodded slowly. "I think we'd better get you inside."

 

She grinned at the desk clerk, who shot her an odd look in return. Ned looked at her, then laughed. "I might regret this later, but..." he said, and swept her up into his arms.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"I want to get to the elevator before five a.m."

 

She made an affronted noise. "We would have."

 

"Maybe if I'd taken a running start and pushed you across the floor in your stockings."

 

The doors closed behind; they were alone in the car. "Which floor?"

 

She was leaning her head against his shoulder. "Which is yours?"

 

"Three."

 

She opened one eye, then said slowly, "Why am I not surprised that I'm on the same floor."

 

He stepped out with her. "Left or right, Nan... Nan?" He ran his thumb over her cheek but her face remained slack. He looked back at the placard, then down at her face again. He shrugged his other shoulder, then walked to his room, opened his door, and deposited her gently on the bed. She curled up slightly but otherwise made no sign.

 

After he'd tossed their coats and her shoes on a chair, he decided to make one more effort. "Nan?" he murmured, touching her shoulder.

 

"Mmm," she mumbled, her brow furrowing. She murmured something incoherent and turned away from his arm.

 

By the time he had made himself ready for bed, she was out cold again. He wondered whether he should at least attempt taking off her stockings, but when he gingerly tugged her dress up, the sight of garters made him go back to the bathroom and splash cold water on his face a few times. He didn't look at her again until he'd pulled the covers up to her chin. Her face shone slightly in the dimmed moonlight.

 

"This is probably a mistake," he murmured. He smoothed a hand over the comforter, then settled on the couch with a pillow and blanket for a few hours of late-night satellite television.

 

\--

 

He balanced two cups of coffee and a danish while opening his door, to find Nancy putting on her shoes. Her hair was still mussed, but she had tossed the covers back over the bed.

 

"Good morning."

 

Nancy merely groaned. "I always hated the way you never had a hangover."

 

He handed her a cup of coffee. "Drink this," he ordered.

 

She took a sip and closed her eyes. "I... listen. Last night..."

 

He was watching her carefully, and she trailed off. "Last night what, Nan? I took you out for a few drinks, we caught up on each other's lives, and you passed out before you could tell me which room was yours. I slept on the couch and was about to kick you out of my room anyway, since I have a breakfast meeting in half an hour."

 

She leaned down and shoved her heel into one of her pumps. "Then I won't keep you."

 

She approached him, but he didn't move away from the door to let her out. "If you'll have lunch with me today."

 

She scowled at him and rubbed her forehead gingerly. "My lunch will probably be two aspirin and a swallow of water, assuming I can keep that down."

 

"Then let me order you room service. And maybe take you out for an early dinner, since I have another meeting over my real one tonight. If you're feeling better by then."

 

She pulled on her coat. "Is this so we can do some more catching up?"

 

He tried to hand her the pastry, but she refused it and turned slightly green. "Something like that."

 

She smiled faintly. "If I'm not dead at four this afternoon I'll leave you a message, all right?"

 

"Guess that's all I'm going to get," he said.

 

"You're lucky you got that," she called over her shoulder as the door swung shut behind her.

 

\--

 

By the time Nancy answered the knock at her door, all that greeted her was the tray on the floor. She lowered herself to the floor slowly to avoid vertigo, and took the tray to her countertop.

 

The smell of noodle soup wafted up to her nose when she removed the lid. She stirred it, then touched the rose on the tray. The note pinned to the vase read "Sorry" and Ned's signature. She smiled weakly, lifted a spoonful of soup to her lips, then changed her mind.

 

\--

 

"Thanks."

 

"For what?"

 

"I actually kept down some of the soup."

 

He smiled, then held the door for her to walk into the restaurant.

 

She gazed around. "What, do you know every American restaurant around here?"

 

"Don't you?" He found a table and took a seat. "I didn't think you wanted fried rice and egg rolls tonight."

 

She nodded. "Dry toast and water would be great."

 

"I think they could probably manage that."

 

"So what did you do while I was lying on my bathroom floor all day?"

 

Ned winced. "Meeting with another set of people from the same company. They're in PR and they wanted to make sure we'd do a good job, but I have to meet with the R&amp;D people for dinner again."

 

"Was that girl with you?"

 

He smiled. "That girl and her husband were both with me all day. I'll definitely recommend her for a raise after this."

 

"You have enough power to do that?"

 

He nodded. "I think I could probably manage it."

 

Nancy took a sip of her drink. "So did you have sex with Erika?" She clapped a hand over her mouth.

 

Ned almost sprayed his drink all over the table, then forced it down and started coughing. "What?" he finally managed. "No. I didn't. Why?"

 

She peeled her fingers off her mouth. "I really didn't mean to ask you that."

 

"But you were wondering. Why, did you?"

 

She shook her head. "Not really. I did a few things I regret, but not that."

 

Ned picked up his napkin and started twisting it in his hands. "I know it's stupid..."

 

"What?" she prompted him.

 

"I know no one else considers us married, but I always thought being with someone else would make me unfaithful to you."

 

"Why should the being married part matter?" she smiled at him. "I felt the same," she admitted.

 

"I kept our rings."

 

"But you don't wear yours."

 

He shrugged. "It hurt too much to look at it."

 

They paused for the waiter to take their orders, then she met his eyes. "But you kept them anyway?"

 

He smiled and blushed slightly. "I was superstitious. I thought that as long as I kept them safe, I'd get a second chance."

 

"What if we had gone the rest of our lives without running into each other?"

 

He shrugged. "I was going to look you up when I turned thirty. I hadn't really planned past that. Kind of because I was afraid I'd find you with some other guy, and three kids and a station wagon in the driveway, and then I'd walk down to the river and throw those rings in and try to start over."

 

"But maybe not?"

 

"Maybe I would have found you in a cold apartment with a cat and a thriving career as a detective, and just driven by every night."

 

"I would have noticed after a while."

 

"I would have played it off somehow. Said I was visiting someone else in the neighborhood."

 

"And then you would have been flustered when I'd have asked who." Her eyes were sparkling.

 

"Maybe not. I'm not a bad detective, I'll have you remember." He was grinning now.

 

"I'd threaten to call the cops, maybe," she prodded.

 

"But I'd have known you were bluffing."

 

Nancy ducked her head. "And how would that dance have ended, Mr. Nickerson?"

 

He leaned back in his chair, a lazy grin on his face. "Who can say."

 

"Where are those rings?" she asked.

 

"In a very safe place in my apartment back home. I may be a good detective but I had no idea I'd run into you here."

 

She smiled. "Nor did I." Then she held up her glass. "To unexpected meetings."

 

He echoed her and clinked their glasses, but could not pull his gaze from hers as they drank.

 

\--

 

Five minutes after he entered his hotel room, the phone rang. He picked it up, his shirt unbuttoned and his pants in a pile on the bathroom floor. "Hello?"

 

"Hey stranger."

 

A slow grin passed over his face. "Damn, you're good, aren't you."

 

"The bellhop is one of my many spies." She stifled a yawn.

 

"I'm surprised you're not passed out right now."

 

"The exertion of our verbal sparring is not quite so tiring," she chastised him mildly.

 

"I meant your hangover."

 

"Oh, that," she dismissed, as he stretched the phone cord as far as it would go, gathering his dirty clothes to have sent to the laundry. "A distant, if unpleasant, memory."

 

He checked his watch. "Nan, I hate to do this, but I have an early meeting tomorrow..."

 

"Oh." She was subdued. "I'm sorry. I'll let you go, then."

 

"If I don't get a chance before then, do you want to meet for dinner?"

 

"Early dinner or real dinner?"

 

"Real dinner. My treat. And if you're feeling well enough we can even do traditional food, for once."

 

He heard the smile in her voice as she responded. "I'd like that."

 

"Then it's a—" he caught himself, freezing as he loosed his tie.

 

"It's a date," she finished, then laughed. "Good night, Ned."

 

"Good night, Nancy." After he replaced the phone, he stared down at it for a long moment, then shook his head.

 

\--

 

"There's a shortcut right through here," he said, tugging on her hand.

 

"Okay, okay," she protested, laughing. They were both in jeans, Nancy with espadrilles and a cropped sweater, Ned in a buttoned-down shirt. The sun had just set, and a chill was in the air.

 

He pulled open a gate and Nancy raised an eyebrow as she followed him into a temple garden. Gold statues stood guard over the building and its plants, and Nancy gazed curiously at a squat cross between a bulldog and a dragon.

 

Suddenly Ned no longer felt Nancy's hand in his. He turned around and she stood a few steps behind him, staring down at the ground.

 

"It's gorgeous, Ned..."

 

He slid his fingers between hers again as he returned to her side. They stared down at a rectangular pool. A school of brilliant orange goldfish bobbed near the surface. Decorative steps designed to look like lilypads formed a path across its surface.

 

All around it, all around them, grew a lush garden, deep green foliage and vibrant flowers. The fade of sunlight had lit the luminaries over the path.

 

"It's like a fairy garden," she said, then blushed and giggled. She looked up to meet his eyes. "That sounded stupid, didn't it."

 

He stared down at her, his fingers trailing up to brush over her cheek. "It didn't sound stupid," he whispered. "Everything in here is so beautiful."

 

Her heart was pounding in her chest, but she could only meet his gaze as he bent down. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt his breath on her skin, and their mouths met.

 

She twined her arms up around his neck and leaned into him, and for a minute all the years and her fear fell away. They broke for air and remained as close, their foreheads touching, breathing each other's breath.

 

"Nan," he murmured.

 

"Shh," she whispered, pulling his face to hers again. His tongue touched hers and she melted against him, leaning against his embrace.

 

"Um," she whispered, her head on his shoulder. "I'm famished."

 

"Me too," he replied. He ran a hand over her back before he released her.

 

\--

 

"Tell me it came with subtitles."

 

Ned grinned as he manipulated the remote, ordering the movie. "What, you don't trust my interpretation?"

 

"Hey, I know a little too. Not as much as you do," she laughed.

 

He tossed the remote on the bed beside him and dug into a box full of noodles with his chopsticks. "We'll see in a second."

 

Nancy reached over and plucked some noodles out of his box with her chopsticks, then devoured them. He made a shocked noise. "You don't know where those have been."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" she asked, then leaned over and kissed him. "Too late now, huh."

 

Ned blinked a few times. "I guess you're right."

 

During the movie, which did indeed appear with subtitles they only half-read because they had both seen the show before, they occasionally snatched bits of chicken or vegetables out of each other's boxes, then kissed. When they were finished with their meal they spread the considerably lighter boxes on the coffee table he'd dragged to the foot of her bed, and sprawled across it, their feet occasionally touching as they propped their heads up on folded arms to watch the television.

 

By the end he noticed that she was yawning, but trying to smother the sound with the back of her hand. He smiled at her and the room went black.

 

"That was fun."

 

She nodded. "We forgot the fortune cookies."

 

He smashed his between his palms before tearing open the plastic, while she broke hers the more traditional way. He leaned into the moonlight to peer at his tiny slip of paper, then smiled faintly.

 

"Tell me what yours says and then read mine."

 

"'Beware the wiles of pleasure women.' Guess the author had a bad experience," he said. Then he took hers, read it with a sober face. "Hmm. 'The beautiful stranger has a bedroom surprise for you.'"

 

"It does not say that," she challenged, snatching the paper back.

 

"How about 'Your friends think you are caring and special'?"

 

Nancy spread the paper flat on her thigh. "I feel like I don't have time for friends anymore."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Nancy shrugged, then sighed. "Bess's second baby is on the way. George is leading expeditions up mountains in Europe. And I don't seem to be in one place for more than three days anymore."

 

"But if you're in such high demand... surely you can name your hours."

 

"I guess I'm addicted," she said, half-smiling, meeting his eyes. "I can't seem to turn anyone down."

 

"Oh really?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Maybe tonight..."

 

"Well, I do owe you a return of hospitality," she said, spreading her arms. "I'll be right back."

 

When she returned from the bathroom in a knee-length t-shirt, Ned had swept the leftovers into the trash can, moved the table back to its former position, and flipped to a regular station. He was in his boxers and undershirt, sprawled on her bed. He met her eyes and sat up.

 

She gestured to the sink. "All yours."

 

He stood, stepped deliberately into her personal space, leaned down and placed his mouth near her ear. She shivered as he whispered, "'Your destiny may depend upon tonight.'"

 

She slid her arms around his neck as they kissed, slow at first, and then she was up against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, his mouth devouring hers. They broke and he carried her the three steps to the bed, then climbed over her, her hands tugging up his undershirt, his hands pulling her nightgown up over her breasts at they kissed. They broke again and pulled each other's shirts off, Nancy laughing as he nuzzled into her neck, unfastening her bra. She trailed her hands up and down his back, slow caress, and he placed her legs around his waist as he kissed her again.

 

Then he was naked. Skin instead of cotton against her inner thigh. Fingers against her side, mouth motionless against hers as his hips stroked against the black lace covering her own. She stared at his eyes as she felt his fingers trace the waistband, then tug down, and then he was ripping her panties off. She felt the pressure and release, heard the fabric rip in the darkness.

 

"Ned— no, we can't. Stop."

 

He froze and she cringed. The mattress compressed and bounced as he crawled off her, then closed the bathroom door behind him. She dragged a hand through her hair, took a shaking breath as she stared up at the ceiling.

 

He opened the door and flipped off the light, then stood there. Cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."

 

She had kicked off her ripped undergarments and pulled back the covers. The moonlight reflected off the milky white of her exposed limbs and torso. "Put your fingers inside me and touch me until I come..."

 

He put his boxers back on and spread her wide beneath his hands, traced her with his fingers and thumbs, then lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. His tongue darted inside with the same rhythm as his fingertips, and she tilted her head back. He traced kisses down her chin, throat, down to her chest, her hips shifting slowly into his touch as he ran his tongue over her nipples. Her gasps turned to deepening moans as he fondled her clit, her legs opening wider, sheet twisting in her fist. He moaned into her ear as her knee brushed his erection. He slid two fingers against her wet skin, down inside her, curled them in come-hither gesture and traced the seam inside her as his other hand stroked her clit, and she rocked into him, burying him up to the knuckle as she screamed. His eyes closed as he felt her clench, then stroked her even faster as she arched her spine and released a gasping cry. He stilled his fingers and stayed motionless as she came, and with a single twitch of his fingers she bucked beneath him, groaning again, her wide eyes finding his face. Her inner flesh spasmed around his fingers and his mouth fell open, careful to keep still again until she moved and he caressed her again and she nearly bent backward beneath him, only a gasp escaping her open mouth. She pushed herself back until he was no longer touching her, her breath rapid as she watched him run back to the dark bathroom and close the door behind him again.

 

She opened the door just as he flushed the toilet, but he didn't turn around. "Nan, please tell me you're wearing something..." He glanced over his shoulder, then turned his fixed stare to the wall as he leaned over and washed his hands.

 

She stepped up behind him, skin against skin, and he shivered as she cupped her hands around his hips. She leaned down against his back, her full breasts against his skin, her nipples still erect. He stood straight again and she slipped her arms around his waist, and he turned in her embrace.

 

"My turn to say I'm sorry."

 

"I think I should leave."

 

She tilted her head. "I don't want you to leave."

 

He reached up, taking the curve of her cheek in his dampened palm, pushed her hair back. He tilted his forehead against hers, then said slowly, deliberately, "You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you right now."

 

Nancy's eyes closed for a long moment, as she reached up and took his cheek in her palm, as she tilted her face to meet his mouth with hers. He kissed her briefly, then waited for her to open her eyes again.

 

"You don't want me to do that."

 

"I want you close to me," she whispered.

 

His fingers pressed into her skin, frustrated, and her eyes opened suddenly, stared into his. "I need more than that," he said in the same deliberate voice.

 

Her lids closed halfway. "I want you to fuck me," she breathed.

 

He backed her into the bathroom wall, and she gasped at the cold emanating from the tile, gooseflesh rising on her skin. "Don't," he warned her.

 

"We can't do this."

 

He nodded. "There are a thousand reasons this is wrong," he said, and then he kissed her, slow, deep, and she pressed her shoulders back, her arms up around his neck, his hands resting at her waist. He broke off and trailed kisses down her neck.

 

Then he froze, stood straight again, lifted her arms from the circle around his neck and stepped away from her. "Good night, Nan."

 

"I'll be good," she called to him, as he turned to leave.

 

"I can't promise I will be," he replied.

 

She followed him out, then placed her hand over his to still it as he picked up his boxers. "Will you at least sleep on the couch again?"

 

"Nan," he protested, his voice tired. "Nancy..."

 

"What if for tonight it's not wrong."

 

Ned shook his head, then sat down on the edge of the bed. "Don't do this to me," he murmured.

 

Nancy looked down at her hands as she sat down next to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.

 

"Please... stop telling me you're sorry. Just..." He ran his hands through his hair. "I need to get out of here."

 

"I've been alone for five years," she whispered. "I've cried myself to sleep at night remembering the way you touched me."

 

"Nan..." His face was a mask of misery.

 

"Not that night," she reassured him, shaking her head. "Not that night. Even though I've ached that deeply inside for you to touch me again."

 

"But we weren't ready. You wanted your own life. And you have it now."

 

Nancy shook her head. "It's not enough. I told you. Bess and George, I talk to maybe once a month. I live in an apartment and sleep with the television on all night."

 

"But..." his lips quirked in a smile. "Your entire life is doing the one thing that kept us apart."

 

"I threw myself into it because I couldn't have you."

 

Ned stepped into his boxers and pulled them up. His eyes were gentle as he looked down at her. "Don't tell me you'd give it all up for me. You won't."

 

"You're angry at me."

 

"It was us against everyone. Everything. And we could have done it. We could have shown everyone they were wrong. But you left me. With a note. A fucking note. You wouldn't talk to me. You wouldn't return my calls. And it was like it never happened, like I never happened."

 

"It wasn't like that," she said, her voice catching in her throat.

 

"Tell me what it was like. Tell me what it was fucking like, Nancy. Maybe I'm remembering wrong."

 

She reached down, picked up her sleep shirt, tugged it over her head to hide her nakedness.

 

"Well?"

 

She ran a hand through her hair. "I was someone else then."

 

"You were the girl I fell in love with."

 

"You fell in love with someone you could never have." Her eyes were flashing.

 

"So tell me why I can have you now." He leaned down until their eyes were level.

 

She was the first to look away.

 

\--

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey. I'm just on my way out the door..."

 

"This will just take a second."

 

"Then shoot."

 

"I'm leaving today."

 

Ned laughed under his breath. "I guessed as much."

 

She sighed. "I know... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you." When he made no response, she went on. "And... if you maybe sometime find yourself with nothing to do some Saturday night... then maybe you could look me up."

 

"Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

 

"Um... pretty much."

 

"Have a safe trip home, Nancy."

 

"You too," she whispered, and replaced the receiver.


	5. Chapter 5

A month passed.

 

He checked the rings once. One night after a particularly vivid dream, an elaborate fantasy his brain constructed involving what might have happened, if their last night together had not ended the same way. He could still feel the smoothness of her skin beneath him, could still feel her open and gasping beneath him even after he threw back the covers and tossed cold water on his face. He saw the bathroom tile and imagined pressing her against it, imagined ramming his hips against hers and the way she would feel as her body spasmed with his. That was the night he looked at the rings, but he still didn't call her.

 

His anger held for another week. Then he decided to find her again.

 

\--

 

"She and I were supposed to discuss a crucial matter this week."

 

"I'm sorry, sir. She was unexpectedly called away."

 

"Can you give me some idea of when she will be back?"

 

"I really... hang on a second," the secretary said, vanishing into the inner office. Ned took the opportunity to flip through a few papers, just in case she had anything written down.

 

A yellow Post-it note next to the telephone. International code.

 

Code that looked familiar.

 

He copied down as much of it as he could, then memorized the rest as he returned to his seat, looking expectantly at the secretary. "So when did you say she'd be back?"

 

\--

 

"She's in room one-forty-seven." Ned shuffled around some papers on his desk. "Or at least I think that's what she said. Her cell phone was garbled."

 

"Our records are showing her as having been registered in room two-thirty-seven. Maybe that's what you heard."

 

"Having been, though?"

 

"Yes. She checked out today."

 

"Thanks," he said, then replaced the phone.

 

\--

 

He called the secretary from the airport. Just in case.

 

"Just wanted to make sure... is she back yet?"

 

"Not for another couple of days, sir."

 

"All right. Thanks." Ned boarded the plane.

 

\--

 

He checked into the same hotel.

 

He walked out and breathed the same air. Again. This was where they had been, five years ago. Where it had all started to unravel.

 

Not very much had changed. The names of a few hotels, the name of the bar they had all frequented. But he found the same pool cue he had used. The bartender hadn't changed.

 

He didn't bother to ask anyone if they had seen her. Not the first night. Even if they had, he had an idea of where she probably was. Not at the nightclub. Not at the bar of the hotel.

 

He tried to sleep, with the help of a few shots and reruns of Gilligan's Island, but it didn't work. He found himself staring at the wall. Staring at his fingers.

 

The surf was black in the dim lighting, thundering into the sand and then pulling back. He shivered in his sweatshirt and shorts, slowing his steps the closer he came to the end of the beach. To his destination.

 

Jean's house was deserted. The yard had overgrown from their previous visit. He was sure Jean hadn't come back.

 

But Nancy had come here. Jean had to be somewhere on the island, or else Nancy would not have come.

 

Ned let his legs relax until he was cross-legged in the sand.

__

_Maybe she and Jean have a holiday once a year. Since she's unencumbered now. Maybe when she sees me she'll wonder why I'm here, why I'm bothering._

__

_Why _am _I here?_

__

_She's a big girl. She can take care of herself. Maybe a fling is just what she needs._

__

_Why did she say she was so alone if she had him?_

__

_Maybe this is the first time this has happened since. Maybe he called and she decided to come here. Because he probably won't demand anything. Any commitment. He won't be like me. She wasn't ready five years ago, she isn't ready now. I tried to force her to be mine and it just drove her into his arms._

__

_Why am I here?_

 

Ned scooped up a handful of sand and let it sift through his fingers, stared at it a while, then leaned back and looked up at the stars.

__

_I want her sleeping next to me in my bed. I want to wake up and see her smiling at me again._

__

_But if I can't have that, I want to go back to the way we were. Before we came here._

 

Chaste kisses at her father's door, separate bedrooms when they traveled, but still, the feel of her in his arms. Even when they (briefly) dated other people, knowing that he could still make her flush, still had some power over her.

__

_I can have her now because she's been with him._

 

Ned put his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

__

_Maybe she's with him right now. You know she is. Maybe they're out on the beach, out on his yacht, in another tapestried beach house, maybe she's touching him—_

 

He rubbed his eyes fiercely.

__

_Maybe you should just go home. Find someone else. Move on like she has._

__

_Not until I ask her. If this is what she wants, if she's happy with him..._

 

\--

 

He was very charming with the desk clerk, despite his dry mouth. She was willing to bend the rules for him just this once, tell him where Jean lived, so Ned could personally express his satisfaction in the hotel.

 

He didn't go immediately. He went for a jog down the hotel beach, then veered onto a path and threw himself into it, rubber soles pounding on the pavement. He ran until the sound of his breath drowned out the insistent voice in his head.

__

_She could say no._

 

He rubbed his hands over his face in the shower. Flimsy bar of hotel soap in a lather over him, and he stepped out, selected an outfit while wrapped in his towel.

 

The door had almost closed behind him when he caught it, walked back into his room, flipped open his suitcase. He reached into a pocket, stared into his palm, then put the contents in his pocket and walked out again.

 

\--

 

"Jean Varez?"

 

The butler (not the same one, Ned noticed) stood aside and gestured behind him, into the gloom of the hall. "Might I announce who is calling?"

 

"Scott Coleman."

 

He ran a hand over his hair as he followed into the house. Through the hallway, sparsely decorated, into the living room. The first thing he felt was the stifling hot air in the room. The morning had been unseasonably chilly but he would have been more comfortable in his shorts, or nothing at all, especially in that room. He pulled at his tie slightly.

 

He heard the butler announce him but he couldn't drag his gaze away from her, once he found her. She wore a shimmering ivory silk sheath and her hair was curled loosely over her shoulders. She and Jean were talking in a rather animated manner, but Jean stood at the sound of the butler's voice.

 

Ned was almost afraid to do it but he locked eyes with her. So he could tell her not to give him away, that he just needed to talk to her one last time, to tell her—

 

But he saw no shock of recognition. No silent communication. She gave him a polite nod, then returned her attention to Jean.

 

Ned exchanged handshakes and platitudes, half his mind on their conversation. He watched Jean's eyes carefully for any sign that he remembered him, but all he saw was a slight tightening around the corners of his eyes before he broke into a wide smile at Ned's glowing, but suitably understated, praise. He was offered a drink and took it. Anything to stay there a minute longer, in the hopes that maybe she would give him a signal or sign. Maybe she was just being a good actress.

 

Every further glance at her convinced him that she could either win the Oscar or have no less interest in him. She did follow their conversation, breaking into a grin or a light chuckle when appropriate. But she didn't join it. She fidgeted slightly.

 

She was just marking the time until she could be alone with Jean again.

 

His heart sank. He heard himself make some excuse about needing to freshen up before he left; he certainly felt it, could feel the sweat beading on his brow, but the cold sweat under his ribs had nothing to do with the fire crackling in the fireplace.

 

He washed his hands in the open powder room and then ran a wet towel over his face. When he looked in the mirror again, she was reflected there, leaning against the doorway.

 

"Are you all right?" she asked softly.

 

Ned turned around. "Are you all right?"

 

She shrugged. "I'm fine. I thought maybe the heat was getting to you. Jean did not think so."

 

"Nancy..." He placed a hand on her arm.

 

She gave him a quick hostile look and moved away. "Don't do that again."

 

He retreated slightly. "I'm sorry. This was a mistake, wasn't it."

 

"To come talk to Jean about the hotel? Why would that be a mistake?" She glanced in the mirror and adjusted her hair slightly.

 

"Nan—"

 

"Mr. Coleman, I don't believe we've even been introduced," she said. She turned to leave.

 

He couldn't breathe as he grabbed her hand. She turned around, eyes slitted, mouth opening to call out, and then he put the ring back on her finger.

 

Maybe she'd wrench it off and storm back to Jean. Maybe she'd scream for Jean and have him removed. Maybe she'd look down and her face would soften and she'd ask if they could talk later. He could feel his heart suspended in his chest as he met her eyes.

 

She did none of the above. Her eyes rolled back slightly and she fainted.

 

He caught her as she fell heavily, and the temperature of the house caught up with him again. He lifted her onto a chaise lounge in the corner and took a sip of water from the tap, then glanced over at her again. She was out cold.

 

For a minute he considered. He could toss her over his shoulder and find a back entrance. But he simply didn't have the time to wander around the house before Jean started wondering where Nancy had gone. Maybe the heat had finally gotten to her, too.

 

At the very second he'd put the ring on her.

 

Ned ran a paper towel under the water and pressed it against her forehead. "Nan?" he asked gently. She made no movement. He slid his fingers down her jaw and pressed into her neck slightly. Her pulse was there, strong, but a little quicker than he expected. He chafed her wrists, to the same lack of response.

 

He stared at her face for a minute, then carefully pressed up one of her eyelids with a thumb. Her eye was moving rapidly, like she was dreaming.

 

"Did something happen?"

 

Ned closed his eyes for a second. "She fainted," he said over his shoulder as he gently shook her. "I can't get her to wake up."

 

"I'm going to call an ambulance," Jean said.

 

When they were alone again, Ned looked up at Nancy's face. "I don't know what to do," he whispered. "Is a month that long? Is a month long enough to forget me?"

 

\--

 

Jean looked over his shoulder, then closed the door of Nancy's hospital room behind him.

 

Ned ran his fingers over his face and shook his head. What kind of excuse could he possibly give? Nancy would probably have snatched a candy striper uniform and headed in there. Ned didn't have the luxury to go find a doctor's coat. Nancy could wake up any minute, and then Jean would take her back again, and he might as well give up and go back home.

 

What if he found the ring?

 

Ned's head jerked up. He spotted a telephone just down the hallway and headed for it.

 

Once Jean had fairly raced from Nancy's room, Ned pushed a wheelchair down the hallway. When the hallway was clear he opened the door and hurried inside. Nancy was still unresponsive on the bed. He slid his fingertips over her cheek, watching her carefully, then pulled the ring off.

 

She sipped in a breath and moved slightly. Her fingers twitched and she opened her eyes, and he found her dress and brought it over.

 

"Ned?" she said hesitantly. "Hmm?"

 

He placed the dress in her lap. "Here, put it on," he said.

 

"What...?"

 

"We need to hurry," he said urgently, and she shook her head. She dragged her hospital gown off and pulled the dress back over her head. When she started asking questions again he shushed her and bundled her into the wheelchair.

 

"I think I can walk," she protested vaguely.

 

"It's all right," he replied, wheeling her out.

 

\--

 

She caught him staring at her on the taxi ride to the hotel. "Hey," she said weakly.

 

"Are you feeling all right?"

 

She rubbed her forehead. "Not really," she said, smiling faintly. "I need to take a nap."

 

"You can take one when we get back to the hotel."

 

"All right," she replied, then yawned and leaned over against him. She fell asleep against his shoulder.

 

About an hour later she smothered another yawn against the back of her hand, holding the door open for him. "So your name is now Nathaniel Barton and we were just married?"

 

Ned dropped his bags on the floor of their new room, in a hotel he was certain Jean did not own. "Do you have a better idea?"

 

"I hate to say it but I don't really see the need for all the secrecy." She chuckled.

 

"Yeah, sure," he said, sliding an arm over her shoulders. She looked up into his face and he held her gaze as he put the ring back on her.

 

She blinked, but that was all. "Feeling any better?" he asked.

 

That was when she put her hand up to her head and moaned softly. "I need to sleep," she whispered.

 

"Okay," he replied, but she was limp weight in his arms halfway to the bed.

 

\--

 

He checked her again. He didn't want to wake her, but she didn't seem to be in as intense a fugue as she had been. She was breathing normally, her pulse was strong and steady, and her sleep seemed almost natural.

 

He watched satellite television and her all night. When the infomercials got to be too much, he stared out the window, then ran his fingertips down her cheek as he listened to her breathe.

 

Despite the uncomfortable couch and his worry, he finally fell asleep.

 

She was shaking his shoulder. He started awake, her face in blue shadow above him.

 

"Hey," she whispered. Her face was wet. "We need to talk."

 

\--

 

He was staring up at the sky, watching the last stars fade from sight. Nancy was in the sand next to him. She wore one of his shirts, her fingers barely visible beyond the cuffs, which she used occasionally to swipe over her wet face.

 

"Why did you come here?" she began. She was nestled against his shoulder, with his arm around her.

 

"I wanted to talk to you."

 

She laughed, despite herself. "Must have been something important if you were willing to fly all the way out here."

 

She felt him shrug underneath her. "It can wait for what's making you so upset."

 

He shifted his gaze as she pushed herself up on her elbows and looked into his face. Her gaze searched him, and she opened her mouth, then closed it again. She nestled back against him.

 

"So..." he prompted her.

 

"I think I've been here a week," she started, her voice soft.

 

"You think?"

 

"It's hard for me to remember."

 

His arm tightened around her. "Take your time," he said softly.

 

"I think I've had sex with him," she said. 

 

He tensed underneath her but said nothing.

 

"It's like a nightmare," she said, her voice trembling. She swiped a hand over her face again. "He... I feel like this has happened before."

 

"When we were here before?"

 

"No," she said. "Not while you were here with me."

 

He shifted his arm and body away from her, and she put her arm over him. "Hey," she whispered.

 

"Nan, where is this going?" he asked. His voice was tight, his face set like stone.

 

"He raped me," she whispered.

 

She felt the shock spread over his skin. She gagged as she spoke the words; a convulsive shudder shook her. He pushed himself up and looked down at her face, which had crumpled.

 

"Nan," he breathed, running a hand over her hair. "Oh God, I'm so sorry." He reached down and pulled her into his arms as she started sobbing into his chest. He closed his eyes and buried his face against her scalp as she tucked her leg between his and cried.

 

Her sobs only seemed to increase as he stroked her hair. "It'll be okay," he whispered. She wiped her eyes again and rested her face against his neck. After a few minutes she rolled onto her back so she could see his face again.

 

"He gave me candy first," she whispered.

 

"And you told him no?"

 

She shook her head miserably. "I couldn't say anything," she whispered. "It's like I wasn't even there anymore."

 

"Then why did you come here?" he murmured, smoothing a strand of her hair back.

 

"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know how I got here."

 

"Could he have planted a posthypnotic suggestion?" Ned asked her.

 

Nancy leaned her head against his arm. "It would make sense," she said. "But... I think this has happened before."

 

Ned shrugged. "It was right around five years ago we were here the first time."

 

"I can't..." She buried her face against him again. "You could have me because he already did," she whispered.

 

"Shh," he whispered, stroking her hair again. "Nancy, I had you before."

 

She looked at him again, her face flushed, eyes shimmering. "You probably hate me," she whispered.

 

"Why would I hate you?" he whispered, tracing his thumb down her face to chase a tear. "He drugged you and raped you."

 

Her eyes dropped. "I could have done something," she murmured.

 

He took her chin in his hand and forced her to meet his eyes. "You know that's not true."

 

"I didn't even remember it. Not even the last time I saw you."

 

"Why do you remember it now?"

 

She shook her head. "I don't know," she said. "But you found me with him, didn't you."

 

He nodded slowly. "And then I put this on you," he said, showing her the ring on her finger.

 

She startled, then met his eyes. "You put that on me?"

 

"And you fainted," he finished.

 

Nancy smiled gently. "Tell me why you followed me."

 

"I love you," he whispered.

 

"I know," she replied. "But you flew all the way here. And after the conversation we had, I thought..."

 

He nodded. "I was hurt."

 

"I'm sorry." Her voice was tiny.

 

"It's all right," he said. "You said if I ever wanted to maybe look you up..."

 

She laughed. "So you looked me up."

 

"I wanted to know if you were with him. Because I would have just let you go."

 

She buried her face against his chest. "No," she murmured. "No, don't let me. Don't let me go again."

 

They remained that way until the sun was high in the sky and the kids started running around with their parents. He held her hand as they walked back into the room, and she was in the bathroom when the phone rang.

 

Ned leaned over with his hand on the receiver, then stared at it a minute. He picked it up slowly. "Hello?"

 

"Ned Nickerson," Jean murmured.

 

"Anything you want to tell me, you can address to my lawyer."

 

"What has she told you?"

 

"I'm hanging up."

 

"I can remove the suggestion. Or else you'll be chasing her back here a year from now."

 

"Is that what you're threatening me with?"

 

"It's not a threat. It's just what is."

 

Nancy walked out of the bathroom. Ned held a finger to his lips.

 

"I don't think either of us will be requiring your services. In fact, I think you'd better run. And pray that I don't find you."

 

"Is that a threat?"

 

"It's just what is."

 

Nancy's eyes were wide and staring as Ned hung up the phone. "Was that him?"

 

Ned nodded and reached out for her. "Come here," he murmured, and she crawled into his arms. "I have two tickets back to the States for tomorrow, if you want to go."

 

"I'd leave with you right now."

 

He smiled. "I'm not afraid of him."

 

"I am." She shuddered. "I don't ever want to come here again."

 

"Nancy." He rubbed his hand over her back, then shook his head.

 

"What?" She leaned back and looked into his eyes.

 

"Have dinner with me when we get back."

 

"All right." She searched his eyes, but when he was not forthcoming, she settled by quirking an eyebrow at him and then settling back against him.


	6. Chapter 6

"Am I back early?"

 

Nancy's secretary looked up from her desk. "I expected you back tomorrow."

 

"That would explain the lack of filing," Nancy said wryly, pointing at an unsteady pile of papers on the desk as she unlocked her office. "Anything come up while I was gone?"

 

"A policeman in River Heights would like to speak to you. He didn't mention any speeding tickets, so I'm guessing it's business related."

 

"If that's the only thing, I'll head there. I won't be available after 1 today."

 

\--

 

Nancy pointed her car back down the familiar street after she'd stopped for a chat with her old friend Chief McGinnis. The house stood with a few more feet of ivy on the trellis, a few more varieties of flower in the yard. Occupied by another family now. Her father had remarried and moved to a house a few streets over; Hannah lived in Chicago with one of her sisters.

 

She stopped for a second, finger against her lower lip. She hadn't been here in ages.

 

A few blocks past her house, there was the house still occupied by Bess's parents. George's parents were still a block down from that.

 

She stared at it a few more minutes and saw a mother and daughter emerge, climb into the station wagon in the driveway. Before they could see her she put the car in gear and started the drive back to Chicago.

 

\--

 

"So how was he?" Ned pulled back Nancy's chair.

 

She was glad she had decided on the pale blue silk blouse and white linen skirt. She hadn't expected to be eating here, an upscale restaurant where she usually took her more fortunate clients.

 

"He was good," Nancy nodded across the table, her face lit by candlelight. "He's confident that he's found everything, and I'll be seeing him twice a week. I was just curious as to why you'd be able to recommend a psychoanalyst who knows hypnosis. Did you call in a favor or something? I heard he has a waiting list for two years."

 

Ned shrugged. "What can I say, I just know people."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you should come over to my line of work."

 

Ned smiled at her for a long moment, in which she could feel her heart like a painful weight in her chest, and then looked down at his menu. "I've never had the chance to try the salmon here."

 

"It's excellent," she told him. She took a sip from her water glass.

 

After they had placed their orders and she had approved of his wine choice, he sat back.

 

"So what are we doing here?" she asked, propping her chin on her hand.

 

He shrugged. "Getting to know each other again."

 

"Tell me what you do in a day."

 

"Drive to work—"

 

"In your Jaguar," she interjected, smiling.

 

He nodded. "Juggle some paperwork, supervise a few of my middle managers, whom I have selected for their lack of babysitting need."

 

Nancy nodded and took a sip of the wine. "Sounds like my operatives."

 

"You have operatives?"

 

She smiled. "Everyone needs a lazy Saturday now and then."

 

He shook his head, grinning to himself. "Go out with the guys and drink some nights."

 

"Until you're drunk?"

 

"Not so much anymore."

 

"All Emerson boys?"

 

He nodded. "Not all, but a lot. Guys from management school like me. Play some pool, maybe poker night since I have the sweet bachelor pad."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "From what I remember I could wipe the floor with you."

 

He leaned forward. "Just try it, little missy."

 

\--

 

A bottle of wine later, Ned stopped with the keys in the ignition of his car.

 

"You cool to drive?" she asked, elbow against the window.

 

"Yeah," he replied. "I'm fine."

 

She smiled. "Want to go for ice cream or something?"

 

"Maybe a diet soda after that meal." He smiled as she burst into laughter.

 

"Oh come on. We can split a sundae."

 

\--

 

Their spoons bumped as Nancy scooped up the last piece of banana. She smiled. "You have some chocolate..." she murmured, then reached over and swiped it off the corner of his mouth, then licked her finger.

 

He stared at her a little too long before he dropped his gaze and his spoon. "Now I'm going to explode," he announced.

 

She looked at him thoughtfully. "I had fun tonight," she said.

 

"I did too."

 

She looked down, a half smile on her face, and dropped her spoon, then swiped her mouth with her napkin. "Bet all my lipstick's gone now."

 

He studied her lips. "Is it a bad thing that I can't tell?"

 

She laughed. "Do you work tomorrow?"

 

He shrugged. "I have a meeting in the middle of the morning that I have to make it to. Why, want to have lunch or something? Lunch usually isn't a problem."

 

She looked at him, then ducked her head again. "Lunch would be nice."

 

He glanced at his watch. "Wow. Yeah, we really have to get out of here."

 

\--

 

She smiled up at him as he walked with her to the door of her apartment building. "Thanks. For everything."

 

Ned grinned. "Everything. That would be a lot of thanks."

 

"For putting up with me," she amended.

 

"Just like riding a bicycle." He stretched his arms over his head. "Thanks for coming."

 

They stopped at the door and Nancy bit her lip. "Want to come up?"

 

Ned looked down at his watch again for a long moment. "I really shouldn't, Nan."

 

"Just for a second."

 

He met her eyes steadily. "I—"

 

"Look, you're parked in the thirty-minute parking, okay? Why would I tell you that if I wanted to take you upstairs and seduce you?"

 

He half-smiled. "Because you know it doesn't take that long. All right..."

 

She grinned and held the door open for him.

 

\--

 

"You can sit down," she called from the other room.

 

She'd taken one look around and made him stand out in the hall for five of the thirty minutes as she hurriedly tidied the living room. After loosening his tie, he eyed a stack of magazines she had piled under the coffee table, then tilted it so he could read the title of an article.

 

"You're interested in bigger tomato plants?" 

 

Hands on her hips, eyebrow raised, she stood in the doorway of the living room in a camisole and printed cotton pants. The sight of it made his mouth dry. She didn't seem to notice, as she came over to the couch and sat down, indian-style, at the other end.

 

"Not particularly," he admitted.

 

"So what do you think?"

 

He shrugged. His tie hung loose around his neck. She reached out and grabbed one end, then pulled it off. He reached out and took it back, then rolled it up and put it in his jacket pocket.

 

"It's nice."

 

"Not as nice as your place, I bet." She was grinning.

 

"Wow, you recover quick." He half-smiled, sitting on the edge of his seat, his palms flat on the cushions next to him.

 

"Ned..."

 

"Nan, I'm sorry," he said, half-rising. "I just..."

 

"You won't." Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear it, over the humming of the fish tank in the corner. "For five weeks more you won't."

 

He sank back down onto her couch. "Okay," he breathed.

 

"Stay with me tonight," she whispered.

 

"Without...?"

 

She nodded. "I didn't sleep at all last night."

 

He held her eyes steadily, then tilted his head. "I'll be right back."

 

"You will?"

 

He turned back to face her as he opened the door. "Gotta move my car. Let me back in when I buzz?"

 

She reached over to the table and tossed her key to him. "This better?"

 

When he opened the door ten minutes later, the couch was empty. The room was dim save the light in the fish tank and a lamp near the fireplace. He walked through and found her in the kitchen, sipping a glass of water.

 

"Gotta keep hydrated."

 

She smiled at him, then looked down. "Are you happy to see me, Mr. Nickerson?"

 

He followed her gaze. "I keep it in the trunk all the time."

 

"Other girlfriends?" Her tone tried to be light, but failed.

 

"It's useful when I get stranded somewhere," he replied quietly. "Like after a poker game."

 

She nodded, then turned away. "Find a parking spot okay?"

 

"Took me a minute. Hey," he said, and when she turned he tossed her keys back. "I guess you wouldn't know whether your couch is comfortable."

 

"Actually, it is."

 

"Had a lot of houseguests?"

 

She shook her head. "I've slept there before. Fell asleep watching TV."

 

He smiled thinly. "All right, then."

 

Nancy took another sip of water. "You can change in my bathroom."

 

\--

 

Ned jerked awake and groped on the nightstand for his watch, then pressed the button and read the glowing face. He slumped back down to the mattress and rubbed a hand over his face.

 

"Can't sleep either?"

 

Ned looked over at her, saw her eyes gleaming in the darkness. Her face was wet.

 

He had started a conversation with her, one he hadn't meant to last as long as it did. He'd kept glancing at her bedside alarm clock, watching the time, and then she had been under the covers still talking to him and he'd stretched out on top of the comforter, and he'd just rested his eyes a minute. A long minute.

 

He didn't question it now. He didn't fight it. He reached over and took her into his arms as she stifled a sob.

 

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

 

"Don't be sorry," he whispered, burying his face against her scalp. "Shh."

 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Her entire upper body was tense, her arms folded up against her chest, and she nestled up against him.

 

"Nan, it's all right."

 

"It's not."

 

"Shhhh..." He rubbed his hand over her back in slow circles. "Nan, it'll be all right."

 

She looked up at him. "I can't sleep," she whispered. "I put a chair under the doorknob and take three showers a day and I have the best locks money can buy, unbreakable, this place is like a damn fortress, Ned..."

 

"He's not coming back." He tilted her face back and kissed her ear, her cheekbone, the corner of her mouth. "He's not coming back. He's not. And if I have to kill him with my bare hands to make you stop crying..."

 

They reached at the same time for her cheek, and she closed her hand over his as she laughed. "Would you do that?"

 

"Maybe in a week it will be better."

 

Nancy closed her eyes and drew a trembling breath. "No," she whispered.

 

He curved his fingers behind her head, traced his thumb over her cheek, then leaned his forehead against hers. "I want you to be better," he whispered. "I want you to be okay again."

 

"What if I'm never okay again?"

 

He closed his eyes. "I can't stop loving you. I've tried."

 

She searched his face. "I'm so tired," she whispered.

 

"Go to sleep," he whispered, nestling against her, his eyes still closed.

 

"Will you stay with me?"

 

He opened one eye. "Sure you set the alarm?"

 

She nodded.

 

He closed his eye again and tightened his arms around her. "I love you," he whispered.

 

"I love you too," she replied.

 

He opened both his eyes. "Do you know how long it's been since you've said that?"

 

She sighed. "Yeah."

 

He leaned down and tilted his head, and she reached up around his neck. He breathed in her breath and she kissed him, slow, then harder. She broke it off and he leaned back into her, "More, shh," slow...

 

She gasped as she broke away again. "No," she whispered.

 

He ran a hand over her back. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

 

"Well, at least you didn't try to rip off my underwear again."

 

He pulled away from her and Nancy put her arms around him. "No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't leave."

 

He looked at her again. "Nan, last time we were like this..."

 

She shook her head desperately. "This isn't like that time. You can't touch me. They're going to..."

 

When she trailed off and looked away, he took her chin in his hand and forced her gaze back to his. "They're going to what?"

 

"Run a pregnancy test..." Her eyes were wet again.

 

"You mean..."

 

She raked a hand through her hair. "I've been on the pill all this time. Ever since you and I..."

 

He sighed with relief. "So it's just in case?"

 

She nodded. "But... I can't... do that right now. I just can't."

 

"Shhh." He ran his hand over her hair as he held her tight again. "I've waited five years. I can wait a few more weeks."

 

\--

 

"Miss Drew, someone..."

 

Nancy opened the door to her inner office. She was shaking hands with a slender girl who had wavy brown hair, and smiling. The client nodded to Ned as she passed through, and Ned returned the look with a smile before turning his attention to Nancy. She was incredibly skillful with makeup; the faint rings he had noticed that morning were smoothed away by her eye makeup, and her outfit was impeccable.

 

"He doesn't have an appointment," the secretary said, replacing the receiver.

 

"That's all right." Nancy reached behind her, flipped off the lights, and locked her office door. "I'll be back after lunch."

 

Ned offered her his arm as they walked downstairs. "My car this time?" she asked.

 

He raised an eyebrow. "What, does it have a bigger backseat?" He laughed when she smacked him.

 

\--

 

She leaned back after demolishing most of her salad. "How has your day been?"

 

He shrugged, wiping his mouth. "I have to go back in after we finish here. They might want me to go to Paris for a few days and smooth out some wrinkles in a business deal, but I'll see if I can talk them out of it."

 

"Why?" she asked, propping her head on her hand.

 

He was quiet for a minute. "Because I'm worried about you."

 

She smiled, then shook her head. "I'll be fine. Really. It's only a few days, anyway."

 

"I'll at least ask them if they can't put it off a month."

 

"That will make you look bad. Just go, Ned."

 

"It won't make me look bad. There are three other people who could go..."

 

"Do you want me to be honest with you?"

 

He nodded. "Always."

 

"I know I'm asking too much of you. I know that I've been doing that for a long time now—" she gave a self-depricating chuckle.

 

"Nancy, you've never asked for more than I was willing to give. Except the casual sex."

 

She ducked her head. "That was... I should never have done that."

 

He shrugged. "It's in the past."

 

She met his eyes again. "What I'm trying to say is that... I want us to have a relationship. A good relationship. Where we talk and do things together and have fun. And there's a lot of stuff that we need to talk about before we can even think about that again. Like whether you're even interested in pursuing a relationship with me. Whether you think it would even be worth it, now..."

 

He reached over the table and laced his fingers between hers. "Why do you think I followed you?"

 

Her eyes were shining. "I don't want to be a burden on you."

 

"You're not."

 

"You talk about me having my own life. You have your own life now too. Poker night and going abroad and hanging out with people I've never met. Five years' worth of things I don't know about you."

 

"You know all the important things."

 

"But..." she looked away, and sighed. "We can talk about the rest of this later. But you should go to Paris."

 

His grip on her hand tightened. "Nan, let me make this decision."

 

"You can call me from there at bedtime. Sing me to sleep."

 

"You won't sleep if I'm not with you."

 

She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, so her tears would not leak from her eyes and spill onto her mascara. "Please do this," she whispered. "If I stop you from doing things then you're going to start hating me."

 

"Nan, I won't..."

 

She shook her head. "Don't say it."

 

"I don't want to leave you," he said firmly.

 

"I don't want you to leave me. But I want this to be right. Do this for me, okay? This is what I want."

 

"For me to call you while I'm there? And when I come back, to sleep on your couch?"

 

She nodded. "Sleep on my couch. Or in my bed if we can be good. And we can talk about everything."

 

"I love you," he whispered. "What else is there to talk about?"

 

\--

 

"If you tell me to stay right now I'll call them and tell them I can't go, Nancy."

 

She could barely breathe, she was crying so hard and he was holding her so tightly. But she shook her head. "No," she whispered. "You have to go."

 

He glanced at his watch. The taxi was waiting downstairs. She was still in her nightgown, about to get ready to go to work, and he had to leave for the airport in the next five minutes if he wanted to make it in time. He wanted to just let the time slip away.

 

Instead he leaned back to see her, pushed her hair out of her face. "I will be back no later than Thursday," he said, reminding her. He leaned down and kissed her. She tasted like salt from her tears. "I will call you when I get there. And then again at bedtime. And then..."

 

"When you wake up in the morning," she finished. She reached up and kissed him again. "When you break for lunch."

 

He nodded. "Are you sure?"

 

She drew in a deep breath, then nodded. "Yes. Go. The sooner you leave the sooner you'll get back." She tried to smile brightly, but her lips were trembling. "Go," she whispered. Then she shoved him away and hurried into the bathroom, and he heard the door lock behind her.

 

Once she heard him leave, after she had bathed her bloodshot red-rimmed eyes in cold water to help the swelling go down, she opened the door and almost doubled over again.

 

There on the bed Ned had placed an enormous teddy bear, almost as big as Nancy's entire torso. Soft, too; she traced her fingers over its fur. She buried her face in it and told herself sternly not to cry.

 

\--

 

Her cell phone rang when she was in the middle of a conference. Nancy glanced at the caller ID. "I'm sorry, I was expecting an international call," she murmured, excusing herself to her private restroom.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey," he said. "The flight wasn't too bad. How are you doing?"

 

"I'm doing fine. The bear... wow. That was great."

 

He chuckled. "I thought you might like it. Something to wrap your arms around while I'm not there."

 

She laughed. "So have you had a chance to meet with anyone yet?"

 

"Actually, I'm just calling a taxi. But I should know more in a few hours. You gonna be busy then?"

 

"Are you joking? If I were talking to the Pope I'd still take your call."

 

\--

 

"Tell me what you named your fish," he said through his yawn.

 

"Philip and Linda," Nancy replied. She pulled the pan off the eye of the stove and waited for her stir-fried vegetables to cool down. "Ned, go to sleep."

 

"I told you, I can't sleep."

 

"You just yawned. You have to be jet-lagged."

 

"I'm fine."

 

She smiled. "I have the television on, I'm about to eat dinner, your teddy bear is waiting for me on my bed. Though I doubt he'll appreciate my nightgown as much as you would."

 

He growled. "You have to wait until I'm a continent away to tease me, don't you."

 

"The doc gave me a relaxation tape. I'm going to try it tonight."

 

"So you won't hear me if I call?"

 

"I'll put the phone on vibrate and sleep with it."

 

"Like that image won't keep me awake for hours now."

 

She chuckled. "Go to sleep, Ned."

 

"Promise me that you'll call me if you wake up."

 

"I promise," she murmured.

 

"All right. I love you."

 

"I love you too," she said, and replaced the receiver, her eyes shining. She rubbed them as she removed the cover from a pot of rice and stirred it, the steam billowing up above her stove.

 

She picked at her bowl of rice and vegetables as she stared blankly at the television. Midway through her meal, before she gave up on eating entirely, she went back into her bedroom and grabbed an afghan and the teddy bear.

 

The phone rang. "Hello?"

 

"Hey Nan."

 

"Hey Bess, how are you doing?" Nancy muted the television with the remote and settled back on the couch.

 

"Not too bad. You haven't seen Jordan yet, have you?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Not yet. Is she ready to leave the house yet, or you want me to come over there?"

 

"Actually I was going to bring her up to the city tomorrow around lunchtime, while Stephanie's still at preschool. Doing anything?"

 

"Not a thing. Nothing I'd like better than to gossip over lunch."

 

Bess laughed. "Good old Nan. All right. I'll drop by your office... elevenish?"

 

"That sounds great. Have a good night."

 

"You too."

 

\--

 

"Sure I remember that case." Bess settled her newborn in the high chair, made sure she was supported, then looked back at Nancy. "What, did you run into the hottie again?"

 

Nancy pulled a slice of pizza off the pie, watching the strings of cheese stretch. "Not quite. More like I went back to the island."

 

"On a holiday? Man, you should have invited me. Though I still need to lose another ten pounds before I'll try to wear that bikini again." Bess rubbed her stomach, eyeing the pizza over her own salad.

 

"No. I went back there to see Jean."

 

"Because of Ned?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Jean called me back there."

 

Bess dropped her fork. "All right. I give up. Go ahead and spill it, Drew."

 

Nancy explained everything that had happened, leaving out bits she didn't think Bess necessarily needed to know or cared to hear about in the middle of a restaurant. When she was finished, Bess took a long swig off her soda.

 

"So the doctor says you're cured. Of the hypnotic stuff."

 

"He's pretty sure I am. Right now I'm just going to therapy with him."

 

"Damn." Bess shook her head. "And Ned..."

 

Nancy's phone rang, and she raised an eyebrow. "Speak of the devil... hey there."

 

"How are things on the other side of the pond?"

 

"Just having lunch with Bess."

 

"And here I was thinking I was your only friend." Ned chuckled. "That's nice. How's she doing?"

 

"Pretty well. How are you doing?"

 

She could feel his shrug. "All right. I'm trying to speed things up as much as I can, but you know... snack break every ten minutes, it seems like. Looks like it'll still be Thursday."

 

"As long as you wrap things up by then. The bear's great but he's not you."

 

"All right. I'll call you later, okay? They're pretending that they want to discuss things again."

 

"All right. Love you."

 

"Love you too, babe."

 

Bess arched an eyebrow as Nancy replaced the phone. "Bear?"

 

"He bought me this enormous stuffed bear before he left."

 

Bess shook her head. "I don't care how many issues you have. I give it... three months. Three months before I see you two walking down the aisle again."

 

Nancy shook her head. "There's no way. But I will guarantee that if it does happen again, you will be there."

 

"Better darn well invite me. There's another reason to lose ten more pounds, so I can fit back into that dress again."

 

\--

 

She exhaled, then rolled over, then flipped over her pillow to feel the cool side. After a minute she sat straight up in bed and ran her fingers through her hair.

 

Something loose on her balcony. There had to be. She could hear it rattling around.

 

"One more time," she muttered, tossing the covers back. "One more time. And a glass of water and a television show and then if I'm not asleep Ned I swear I'll call you," she addressed the air in her apartment as she walked out through the kitchen.

 

The fish tank burbled in the corner; the light above the stove was still on. Nancy retraced her steps from earlier, walked around the table, pulled back the curtain. She unlocked the sliding door and pulled it back, felt the cool pollution-tinged city air wash over her.

 

A pair of eyes stared into hers. She felt something warm touch her hand.

 

She sucked in a breath and slammed the door shut, against the arm, heard the gasp of pain. Her bare feet skidded on the kitchen floor as she raced into the living room, scooping the cordless phone off its base before she tugged at the chair she'd wedged under the doorknob of her front door.

__

_Oh God_

 

She dialed 911 and winced as the chair crashed to the floor. "911—"

 

The hand jerked the phone from her own, holding her arm in a grip like steel. She cried out and heard the receiver beep as the man hung up the phone. She braced herself to kick out at him, but he knocked her feet out from under her, still holding her hand aloft. She filled her lungs with air, preparing to scream, but she could only squeak as he slid to the floor behind her, clapped a hand over her mouth, and tilted her head roughly to the side.

 

"What, you don't want to see me again?" Jean chuckled. He wrapped a leg around her and wrestled her arms behind her, duct-taped them securely, then ripped off another piece with his teeth and placed it over her mouth, holding her jaw shut. "Can't have you trying to scream again."

 

The phone rang. Nancy listened incredulously as Jean explained to the 911 operator that his toddler was having some fun with the phone and he'd make sure she never did it again. He was even laughing before he hung up.

 

"Now, Miss Drew, I think it will be for the best if you take a little nap right now. You need your sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."

 

He removed a syringe from his pocket, filled it with some clear liquid she guessed was an anaesthetic, and injected it into her arm. For a minute she thought she'd be fine, that she could fake sleep and somehow get away, but he was duct-taping her ankles and all she could think was that he must not be going to rape her if he was taping her legs together. Then her vision started blurring, and she slumped against the wall.

 

The last thing she heard was her cell phone ringing.

 

\--

 

_It's probably nothing. Probably nothing._

 

Ned had his hands in his pockets. He hadn't bothered to shave that morning, so he blended in rather well with the other Parisian guys he'd seen on his taxi ride over. His leg was jumping. His cuffs were folded up past his forearms.

 

The white-haired gentleman looked over as he flipped through the binder Ned had prepared, complete with red-pen corrections. He asked in French if Ned needed something to drink.

 

"No," Ned replied, managing a tight smile. "_Merci beaucoup_."

 

As Ned climbed into the taxi, he considered for a second. One change needed to be made, before the closing could take place. He called his assistant on his cell phone.

 

"Just adjust that last number... yeah, that one. He's finally agreed on five percent. Yeah, I pushed for eight, but... yeah. And no, I won't be able to make it. My flight..."

 

He hung up the phone and directed the driver to the airport.

 

\--

 

Jean, with one arm curled around Nancy's neck to hold the gun against her temple, flipped through the suitcase she had hastily packed. He nodded at the sight of the lingerie. "You left your best at my house, but that's easily corrected," he murmured, sliding the muzzle down her cheek. She shuddered, her face flushed and wet. "We have one last thing to do, darling, before we depart."

 

The piercing shriek of her buzzer sounded through the apartment. Jean shook his head impatiently. "Don't you have any way to silence that?"

 

Nancy shook her head mutely.

 

"All right." He rested a hand on hers. "We've had this talk before. Don't try anything." He fingered the bruise on her cheek. She had tried to feign sleep earlier, and when she'd lashed out he'd responded with the muzzle of the gun.

 

"What is it?" Her lips were trembling.

 

"He gave that bear to you, didn't he." Jean gestured at the stuffed animal with his gun hand.

 

Nancy's gaze shifted and she shook her head.

 

"You're lying to me." Jean peered into her eyes. "Maybe I should give you a bruise somewhere not so obvious."

 

"What does it matter?" she asked angrily.

 

"I prefer you pristine." She squeezed her eyes shut and tears slid out from beneath as he nuzzled against her neck. "It's not like he's had you."

 

Her fingernails dug into her palms. He gazed at her for a long moment. "All right," he finally said. "We're going to walk over to the desk and you're going to find a sheet of paper. And a pen. Very slowly. Without doing anything stupid."

 

"But you want me pristine," she spat. "Not with my brains all over the floor."

 

"Shh," he whispered, leaning over to kiss her. She jerked her face away from his. He shoved her roughly then. "Go on."

 

She sat down at her desk, pulled open the drawer. He kept his arm bent around her neck as she folded back a spiral-bound notebook and ripped out a sheet, then groped around for a pen. Her fingers were out of his sight under the surface of the desk.

 

She touched metal. An Exacto knife. She'd used it to forge herself press passes and security clearance badges. Her left fingers groped up to its tip and she removed the plastic blade guard while her right fingers found a pen and clicked it open.

 

"What do you want me to write," she asked through clenched teeth.

 

"Write 'I'm sorry, it would never have worked,'" he dictated. "And put your left hand on the desk."

 

He reached down into his pocket with his left hand and removed the ring he'd wrenched from her finger while she was drugged. Nancy blinked tears from her eyes when she saw it. She had to be able to see clearly. Might be the last thing she'd see clearly, if she didn't pull this off exactly right.

 

Both of them heard the scratching in the lock at the same time. Jean swiveled her chair around so she was facing the door with him, then shifted the gun so that its muzzle was directly against the base of her neck, where her skull joined her spinal column. Nancy shifted the knife to her right hand, and tugged down her sleeve to cover the glint of the metal. "Don't say a word," Jean hissed as the door opened.

 

Whatever Ned had been about to murmur in greeting died on his lips as he took in the tableau. He stood with the door still open, and Jean revealed the gun to motion Ned in with it. Ned reached behind him for the doorknob and locked eyes with Nancy.

__

_I love you_, she mouthed to him.

 

Ned had just begun to shake his head when she swung her hand around in an arc, angling it up to strike at Jean's torso as she slid out of the chair, away from his grasp. She screamed and he released his grip on her in surprise. She felt the blade meet skin and dragged it down. He gasped and she pulled her fist back and struck him again with it. Ned ran forward, wrapped Jean in a wrestler's hold and batted the gun away from his increasingly slackening fingers.

 

Nancy was still screaming incoherently. She raised both hands above her head, the knife dripping Jean's blood onto the hardwood floor. Her knees were bent, her face red with rage and anger.

 

"Nancy," Ned called out. "Nancy. It's okay. Call 911."

 

She stared at him for a moment. Her hands lowered to the ground, still clenched around the knife. Then she dropped it and started crying.

 

\--

 

They used the entire roll of duct tape. In the five minutes between her phone call and the arrival of the police, Nancy had bound Jean's feet and hands with Ned's assistance, had kept wrapping tape even when there was no way he could have broken through. Jean's face had gone grey and his shirt was slowly darkening with blood. When Ned glanced at it he kept wondering if he should put ice on the wound, but the thought of helping ease Jean's pain made him shudder.

 

Ned leaned against the back of the couch with Nancy in his arms. They were both staring at the body on the floor. Nancy's hands fluttered every now and then, still speckled with blood, and he soothed her back down. He reached up and drew her face to his neck.

 

"Shh, Nan, it's all right."

 

She sobbed against him, her entire body shaking. He ran his hands up and down her back in slow circles.

 

"He locked me in the closet," she whispered. "He was going to take me back with him."

 

"But he didn't," Ned whispered, leaning down to peer into her face.

 

"He made me write a note to you so you wouldn't follow me." She held up her hand. "He took my ring away..."

 

Ned followed her gaze to the desk, then slid over the hardwood floor and grabbed it off the top, watching Jean's chest rise and fall as he did so. He handed it back to her and she put it back on.

 

"I think he slept in my bed."

 

"Did he touch you—"

 

She reached up and winced when her fingers touched the bruise on her cheek. "He hit me with the gun. But he didn't sleep with me."

 

A knock sounded at the door and Nancy shuddered. "Police," a male voice called.


	7. Chapter 7

Nancy clutched the bear as she stood in the doorway of his apartment. "This is nice," she said weakly.

 

"You've never been here before, have you." He smiled at her as he carried their suitcases back to his bedroom.

 

All dark wood and cream-colored walls. She took a few steps and looked down into the sunken living room. His computer desk stood in the corner with his credenza next to it. Plush overstuffed cream-colored couch, gleaming silver entertainment center. A lone spidery potted plant.

 

"Isn't that the one Bess and George gave you?" Nancy asked, her voice a little bit stronger.

 

He nodded. "Amazing how hardy it is. I'm always forgetting to water it." He rubbed his hands together briskly. "So, care for the grand tour?"

 

She took in everything, even though she felt as though her feet were not actually touching the floor. After they had been released from the police station, after they had made their statements, he'd insisted that they go to the emergency room and have her checked out, even though she just wanted some place to sit down and Ned looked almost dead from jetlag. The paper bag from the drugstore, which he'd placed on the kitchen bar, contained the mild sedative she'd been prescribed. She was still a little bit in shock, she could feel it.

 

He opened the glass-fronted kitchen cabinet and took out two glasses. "Want a drink? Water or anything?"

 

"Water would be nice," she whispered. He filled the glass from the dispenser in the refrigerator door and handed it to her.

 

She cupped her hands around it and stared down at her reflection. "Thanks," she said, looking up. "I don't think I could have slept there tonight." She snickered. "Or any night, really."

 

"Hey, it's all right," he murmured, putting his arm over her shoulders. "You can crash here as long as you need to."

 

"And borrow the Jaguar?"

 

He laughed. "We can talk about that later."

 

\--

 

She knew he was dead on his feet, but she didn't want him out of her sight. Not now. If he had any trepidation or misgivings about entering the shower with her, he didn't say so.

 

He wrinkled his nose at her shampoo. "I thought you were using Herbal Essence," he said.

 

Nancy thought for a minute, then laughed. "That was years ago. And I wasn't actually using it then."

 

He shrugged as he lathered it into her hair, then his. "I've always wanted smooth hair," he said, reading the front of the bottle.

 

She smiled at him and he put it down, then accepted her into his arms. He leaned his head against her shoulder. "I'm cool with shampoo but I'm not gonna use that puff thing on you, okay, because it's really late..."

 

"It's all right," she murmured into his cheek. His arms tightened around her and she felt him sigh as she started crying again, but he didn't say anything. He just held her, stroking her back gently.

 

"I was so afraid," she whispered. "I couldn't do it, I couldn't let him take me again, and then you walked in the door..."

 

"You didn't answer your phone when I called," he murmured. He slid his fingers down her cheek.

 

"How did you get in?" She wiped her face.

 

He grinned. "Lockpick kits are really useful things to have," he replied.

 

\--

 

"Do you have a shirt I can borrow?"

 

Ned walked stiffly to his dresser and opened a drawer. "I thought I saw nightgowns in that suitcase," he commented.

 

Nancy shuddered. "He touched them. He made me pack for the trip."

 

He nodded to himself, then tossed her a shirt advertising a local radio station. She pulled it on and they burrowed under the covers, with the bear on Nancy's other side.

 

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "You took your sleeping pill, right?" he mumbled.

 

"Sure," she whispered.

 

"And you'll sleep, right? He won't be here. I swear."

 

"I'll try," she murmured.

 

He opened his eyes and stared into hers. "You don't try, you do," he said in a mock-stern voice. He kissed her forehead again. "Sleep, Nan..."

 

\--

 

He rolled over in her arms. "Hey," he said, stretching his arms over his head, then slipping one around her shoulders. "Hey."

 

"I tried to wake you up a few hours ago but you wouldn't."

 

He glanced at the clock. "They're not expecting me in today. I think we should eat something. Blueberry pancakes."

 

"Blueberry pancakes sounds great."

 

Ned leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Then we should get dressed and go to the pancake house."

 

Nancy laughed. "And here I was thinking that you would actually go in the kitchen and make us some."

 

"Did you sleep last night?" He stared into her eyes.

 

"I woke up this morning," she admitted. She traced a finger down his cheek. "I must have slept. You're really comfortable to sleep with."

 

He raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Thanks. Been a while since I've heard that."

 

\--

 

After they had ordered coffee, Nancy settled her chin on her hand. "Do you want to talk here?"

 

Ned glanced around. They were surrounded by talking couples and bustling waitstaff. No one seemed particularly interested in the two of them, beyond the usual vaguely admiring glances. "Just drop your voice when you start talking about all the things you want to do to me."

 

Nancy quirked an eyebrow. "About me staying over."

 

"You can stay as long as you want." Ned smiled and nodded at the waitress, then stirred sugar into his coffee. Nancy also smiled but followed the waitress away with her gaze before she continued.

 

"In your bed?"

 

Ned shrugged. "Two cold showers a day and I'm good." He smiled.

 

"Are you seeing anyone else right now?"

 

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Is this because of the overnight bag I keep in my trunk?"

 

She toyed with her coffee and nodded.

 

"That's for if I get drunk and end up at a friend's house. A male friend's house."

 

"What are you expecting out of this?"

 

He tilted his head. "Out of what? Out of us?"

 

She nodded. "Bess seems to think..."

 

"What?" he asked, when she just chuckled and didn't continue.

 

"She thinks that we're going to be serious."

 

He smiled and took another sip of his coffee. "Maybe we will."

 

"But is that what you want?"

 

"Nan... I want to be with you. If you want to be friends the rest of our lives..." he shrugged. "I won't like it but I'll live with it."

 

The waitress returned, and they ordered omelets, Ned's with blueberry pancakes. He took another sip of his coffee and met her gaze across the table. "Is that what you want?"

 

"I feel like I took advantage of you. Like I still am. Staying at your place..."

 

Ned reached across the table and took her hand. "Look at me. Right now. Everything that happened back then, starting now, I want you to forget it. Jean is in prison, and whatever happened between us, I'm sorry. You were right and we weren't ready, and I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you for making that mistake."

 

"But I left you."

 

"You were afraid, weren't you?"

 

She nodded. "I... God, I hate to say it now. I didn't want to live in that little apartment. I didn't want to live off ramen noodles and saltine crackers and keep house while you started a career. I wanted to be in my nice safe comfortable house with Hannah and my dad and my car and able to do what I wanted to do. I love you, I loved you then, but the thought of it... it was like prison. It was going to be so hard."

 

He was quiet for a minute. "Do you feel that way now?"

 

She shook her head vehemently. "No. If you..." She dragged a hand through her hair. "I've had my own life. I want you to be in it."

 

"But that's what I want too. You're not taking advantage of me by wanting that."

 

"I can't even sleep all the way through the night or go a day without crying."

 

He half-smiled. "You think I won't want to be with you until you can do those things?"

 

"I just..."

 

"Is that why you wanted me to go to Paris?"

 

She nodded. "I didn't stand by you back then. I don't want you suffering for mistakes I've made."

 

He raised his eyebrow. "I'm helping a friend," he said quietly. "I want you to tell me how you feel, what you're thinking. I don't want you to lie to me. And I want you to trust my judgement, Nan."

 

"The truth sucks."

 

"That's not your fault. What happened between us... that's in the past. And as for Jean, I'd take him apart with my bare hands if it would make you sleep through the night, if it would make you feeling this way."

 

"How can I stop feeling this way?" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "I went to him. Year after year." She rubbed her hands over her eyes as the waitress, looking concerned, placed their plates on the table.

 

"Are you all right?" she asked.

 

Nancy nodded. "I'm okay, thanks." Ned's gaze remained locked on hers as the waitress retreated.

 

"You're not okay, are you," he murmured.

 

She took a few deep breaths and scrubbed her napkin over her face. "I'm... I just wonder what I could have done differently. I feel so ashamed when I think about how I flirted with him back then."

 

"Stop it. You can't change it."

 

"I have to figure it out. So it won't happen again."

 

"Won't happen with me?"

 

She jabbed a fork into the egg and twisted it to reveal the cheese inside. "I don't know," she mumbled.

 

"Don't send me away again," he whispered, shaking his head. "So what if you can't do this by yourself? Don't you see..." He glanced away. "We're stronger together than we are apart."

 

"I need to do this by myself..."

 

He leaned over the table and placed a finger over her lips. "I want you to listen to me. Just nod your head, okay?"

 

She nodded.

 

"You can't do this by yourself. I'm sure Doctor Strathman will tell you the same thing. You can't. You need someone's shoulder to cry on, you need someone to help you when you don't have the strength left. And I have been waiting five years to be that person for you. For whatever reason, Nan, back then, it just wasn't the right time. But right now..." His eyes were wet.

 

She kissed his fingertip. "Have you been waiting five years to be my husband again?"

 

He blinked a few times. "I'm not saying that."

 

"You tell me to be honest with you. Be honest with me. Is that what you want?"

 

He nodded. "Yes," he said hoarsely.

 

\--

 

She gripped his hand tightly. "Not yet."

 

"All right," he replied, tightening his grip for a second, then releasing her. "I'm gonna grab the fish tank."

 

She watched him unplug it and gather her supplies, but her gaze wandered. Back to her desk. The blood drops still on the floor.

 

She was in her tailored lilac silk suit, he in his charcoal grey with a blue shirt. She had caught sight of him once when they were out to lunch together. They looked like a power couple together, sleek hair and gleaming profiles and smooth lines. Today he was sacrificing his lunch hour with her, to see if she was ready to go back to her apartment for a reason other than retrieving a few more clean business suits.

 

Despite herself she knew that she wanted the fish tank to sit at the end of his bar.

 

He walked back over and took her chin in his hand. "Hey," he said softly.

 

She focused on his face. "Hey," she replied.

 

"I think you only have three suits left in the closet. Want me to go grab them?"

 

She smiled softly. "If you don't mind."

 

\--

 

They were in the shower later, when Nancy felt Ned's hand lingering on her hip. She looked up at him in surprise, but he was staring down in something other than lechery. She followed his gaze.

 

"Um..."

 

"You have a tattoo?" he asked softly.

 

She brushed her hand over the design on her hip, but it didn't smear. "I don't remember drawing this on me," she replied.

 

"Five," Ned breathed. "One for every year..."

 

Nancy's eyes filled. "Do you think he did this?"

 

"Do you remember having five flowers scarred into your hip?" he asked.

 

"No," she admitted, then brushed her hand over her face.

 

\--

 

"Tell me you don't miss your lazy Saturday mornings."

 

He rolled over. "It's worth it, to be able to watch you dress."

 

She wiggled her hips and grinned. "You were right. My landlady almost bent over backwards. Offered me reduced rent, said she'd tighten security..."

 

Ned smiled. "And still no?"

 

She shook her head. "She's not even charging me last month's rent. But she couldn't think of any other places I might want to try..."

 

He threw back the covers. "I wonder why," he said through his yawn.

 

An hour later they were packing boxes. Ned was coming behind her in the bedroom with a bucket full of mop water as she finished cleaning out her closet's upper shelf. She brought down a box and started laughing.

 

"What's that?" he called, rolling up his sleeves.

 

She choked her laugh off. "Oh... just some things."

 

He spotted the scrawled black marker on the side of the box. "Things I gave you."

 

She ran her hand over the scarf she'd tied over her hair. "And things that made me think of you."

 

He smiled. "Wedding dress."

 

"Yeah," she said softly. She shook her head briskly, as though to clear it. "This is one to keep."

 

He laughed and returned to his mop bucket. "Now I'll wonder if you only said that because I was here."

 

"Hey," she protested, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around him. "You had the rings, I had the box."

 

"Remind me to show you my own box sometime," he chuckled.

 

\--

 

"You have the truck all day, right?" she asked anxiously.

 

He nodded. "Until eight." He reached over and tugged at her headscarf. "Take that thing off, I feel like I'm playing hooky with the hired help."

 

She raised an eyebrow at him, then untied it and tossed her hair so it gleamed in the dappled sunlight. "Sounds like a little fantasy you might have."

 

He chuckled. Then he unpacked a plastic container of roasted chicken and handed it to Nancy, who placed it on the gingham blanket she'd spread on the grass. He handed over a loaf of bread and a container of fruit cocktail, then moved on to the next bag.

 

"Please tell me she remembered silverware."

 

He smiled. "She said four other couples had come in today asking for a picnic lunch, so I hope so..."

 

Thirty minutes later she fed him the last deviled egg, giggling when his lips closed over her fingertips. She leaned back on the other side of the blanket. "We should do this again sometime."

 

He smiled. "When will we have another day like this one?" He swept his arm, indicating the view. "Beautiful weather, my hands smell like Pine-Sol..."

 

She laughed. Then she rolled onto her stomach and propped her chin in her hands. "You do so much for me. You even mop."

 

He mock-bowed. "At your service, milady."

 

She climbed up and kissed him on the mouth. "Thanks," she murmured, staring at his lips.

 

He kissed her in return. "I'd give up the rest of my lazy Saturdays for you. Just to see you in those cute little panties." He patted her butt.

 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and climbed into his lap. "Or out of those cute little panties."

 

He closed his eyes. "I didn't say that."

 

"But you're thinking about it. Thinking about how I sleep next to you, I've been sleeping next to you for, what, weeks now. And we've been so incredibly fantastically saintlike..."

 

"I think things would not be quite so saintlike if you wore that black lace teddy to bed..."

 

Nancy's eyes widened. "You went through my lingerie," she said, incredulous.

 

He cracked one eye open. "Helping you pack," he corrected her.

 

She paused for a long second. "I'm not pregnant."

 

His eyes opened wide, and then he crushed her against him. "Thank God," he whispered. "Thank God. You're sure?"

 

A smile quirked her mouth. "I'm on my period right now so it's not like any of this flirting's gonna lead anywhere," she chastised him, beaming.

 

He groaned. "Well, at least I'm not gonna try to fool around in the middle of the night for the next week..."

 

\--

 

"Are you sure you don't want me to whip something up?"

 

Ned shook his head. "You sure you don't want to stay?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Your friends come over here to get away from chicks, not to see another one."

 

He smiled. "I think they wouldn't mind seeing you so much."

 

She finished tearing open the bag of Doritos and smacked his shoulder. "What, would you have me prancing around here in a cheerleader outfit or something?"

 

"I don't think we'd get much poker played."

 

She dumped the bag into a bowl and snatched a chip. "Don't let me have any more," she cautioned him. "I don't think my stepmother would like it if I only had one serving of whatever she's cooked tonight."

 

"So are you just going to hang out with your dad after that? Not that you can't come back here," he quickly clarified.

 

She smiled. "Nice try. Nah, George is home for a month at her parents'. She's taking a break before she leads a group up Mount Rainier."

 

Ned smiled. "Mmm. I remember that. I half wanted you to come down with hypothermia."

 

Nancy chuckled. "Yeah, Bess and George and I are gonna go out for a drink. Little ladies' night out while you're hanging out with the guys, smoking cigars and exaggerating your sexual exploits."

 

"I never exaggerate," Ned said in a shocked voice. "And the landlady doesn't like cigar smoke so we don't do so much of that, either."

 

"Good for her."

 

"Bess can drink so soon after having her baby?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Bess'll be DD."

 

Ned looped an arm around her shoulders. "Just take it easy tonight, right? We both gotta work in the morning."

 

Nancy shrugged. "I'll be all right."

 

\--

 

"The phone at your apartment has been disconnected," Carson commented.

 

They were walking down the street outside the new house. Nancy's hands were in her pockets. "You can always reach me on my cell, Dad."

 

"Where are you staying?"

 

Nancy kicked at a stone in the sidewalk. "Ned's letting me crash at his place."

 

Carson's lips quirked in a smile. "Don't try to double-talk the lawyer. You're living with him?"

 

"Only for a while."

 

"How long have you been there?"

 

Now Nancy smiled. "Cross-examining, counselor?"

 

He slowed his steps. "I know it's been a long time, a very long time, since you've let me tell you what to do. You're a grown woman now and I respect that. But is it possible that you could find somewhere else to live?" He glanced down at her hand. "I don't see an engagement ring on that finger."

 

"We're not." Nancy sighed, twisting at the simple band she was wearing around her thumb. "And our behavior is beyond reproach."

 

"Like anyone would believe that, with the two of you under the same roof."

 

Nancy chuckled, holding her hands up, palms out. "All right, all right, Dad. Just because I know the truth doesn't mean anyone else does. I get that."

 

"Can you just promise me that you'll at least look for another place to live?"

 

"I'll look, Dad. Scout's honor."

 

\--

 

"Look doesn't mean move." Bess nodded. "As though your dad can tell you what to do anymore."

 

Nancy shook her head, twirling her straw in her drink. "Well, living with Ned is rent-free."

 

"In return for...?" George wiggled her eyebrows.

 

Nancy snickered. "In return for the occasional shower. And we're not even talking soap opera caliber here. We go to bed and sleep. Finally," she muttered under her breath.

 

"So things are going better that direction?"

 

Nancy took a sip of her drink and nodded at Bess. "Yeah. The shrink says I'm making great progress But come to think of it, he was also a little wary of me staying over at Ned's place..."

 

Bess exhaled explosively. "Guys. What do they know?"

 

"Says she who is the only married woman at this table." George tossed her straw paper at Bess, who giggled.

 

"Hey. All I can vouch for is that mine is good in bed."

 

"We are married," Nancy said to herself, then repeated it more loudly. "You saw it," she said, glancing between both of them. "What's the problem with us sleeping under the same roof?"

 

Bess shrugged. "Your Dad didn't accept it back then. Why would he now? And... Nan, it's not like you've exactly been acting like a married woman all these years."

 

Nancy looked at George, who shrugged, nodding at Bess. "She's right, Nan. Remember Mick?"

 

"And Peter? And Jake?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "All right, all right," she said. She raised a finger to the barman. "Shot."

 

"So... you two on my schedule yet?"

 

Nancy shook her head mournfully, then tossed back her shot and gave the bartender a dazzling smile. "We just found out I'm not pregnant. We're taking things slow. I don't want to screw everything up again."

 

"Pregnant?" George looked between them. "Um... thought you just said the two of you weren't having sex."

 

\--

 

"Thank God," Bess answered Nancy's cell phone about four hours and six shots later.

 

"Bess?" Ned asked. "Where's Nancy?"

 

"Passed out on my couch right now. If you're willing to drive out here into the subdivisions, I'll help you lug her out to your car. That or you can pay for the cab ride."

 

"Why didn't you just call me, Bess?"

 

"I lost your number. When I tried to find it in Nan's phone I think I accidentally switched the language to Japanese."

 

Ned laughed. "Put her in a cab. Thanks."

 

He hung up the phone. "All right, Jim," he said, prodding the prone figure sprawled on his couch. "Closing time, bud."

 

\--

 

Nancy jerked awake. "Mmm— what?"

 

Ned rolled over. "Go back to sleep, Nan," he slurred.

 

She reached up and brushed her hair out of her face with clumsy fingers. "How did I get here?" she asked thickly. She reached down. "Why am I not wearing a bra?"

 

"I really think you should consider not wearing a bra to bed every night," Ned commented. "I like the natural look on you."

 

Nancy's head fell back on the pillow and she moaned. Ned scrabbled under the covers and held his arm aloft above her. "Water," he droned, pointing at the nightstand on her side of the bed. She turned her head by slow degrees and stared at the glass he had placed there.

 

"Oh God," she murmured, and rolled off the bed. He heard the bathroom door slam behind her.

 

\--

 

The sunlight slanted through the blinds. Ned finished tying his robe and wrinkled his nose at the full ashtrays on the dining room table, the orange crumbs ground into the carpet. He nudged Jim's shoulder again, stifling a laugh at the sight of Jim's face up against the upholstery, his mouth gaping open as he snored.

 

"Hey man. Don't you have work?"

 

Jim blinked, then wiped his chin. He looked around the room. "Ugh. Thanks man. I'm gonna..."

 

Ned hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "Phone's over there. Call yourself a cab if you need one."

 

"My car should be downstairs still... man your couch is comfortable."

 

Ned was still laughing as the door shut behind Jim. He heard Nancy's distinctive cell phone tone ringing from his bedroom and wandered back in. Nancy was totally oblivious on the bed.

 

"Nan. Hey, Nan..." He shook her shoulder, then touched her face, which remained slack.

 

He shrugged and dug her phone out of the pile of her clothes on his floor. The caller ID read her office number. He tried one more time to rouse her. "Nan, it's your office..."

 

She didn't respond.

 

He sighed and pressed the answer button. "Hello?"

 

He heard her secretary giggle on the other end of the line. "Um, hi. I'm trying to reach Nancy?"

 

"She's asleep right now," he explained softly. "I'll get her to give you a call back."

 

"It's nothing that important, just wondering when she'd be in today. But yeah, have her call back. Sorry."

 

"It's okay." Ned hung up the phone.

 

Nancy was blinking at him. "Oh God. What ran over me?"

 

Ned quirked an eyebrow. "Um, you may want to call the office back, once you... finish," he called after her as she raced back to the bathroom.

 

\--

 

"You're looking better."

 

Nancy rolled her eyes. "So are you. Three days in New York agrees with you."

 

He smiled. "Maybe next time you can go with me."

 

She shook her head. "Thanks for coming with me today."

 

"Thanks for putting it off so I could come."

 

They were whispering in the back of the realtor's SUV. Nancy had contacted an agency to show her townhouses, but the girl she'd been paired with looked fresh out of school.

 

"What about this one? Good for a family," the driver said hopefully.

 

Nancy was about to laugh and direct her on when she glanced out the window. She glanced back at Ned, who shrugged.

 

"Hey, I'm just here to point out cracks in the foundation and get pointers for when I go house shopping."

 

Nancy gave him a half-smile as the SUV pulled into the driveway. "Yeah."

 

Ned slipped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "Hey, it's okay. I'll buy you lunch when we get away from all this."

 

Nancy rolled her eyes. "Just don't answer my phone again, okay?" she said, her eyes sparkling. She slid out of the car and tugged her jacket on. "My secretary has been teasing me about that for days now."

 

"Hey, you were in no condition to answer it," he protested as he climbed out behind her.

 

"Better to hear what a lush I am than 'Nancy and Ned are sitting in a tree...'"

 

\--

 

"Mmm, just like Mom used to make." Ned smiled.

 

Nancy smirked. "During your mom's forgotten Boston Market phase?"

 

"You keep sassing me, and no more picnics."

 

Nancy laid her plasticware aside and dropped to hands and knees. "Oh Ned, no, no, please, we must have more picnics," she murmured, her eyes gleaming. "What could I ever do..."

 

He swallowed his bite of mashed potatoes and kissed her. "Be good," he admonished her.

 

She laughed and spread her arms. "We're in the middle of a park with five toddlers around us. How can I be anything else but good?"

 

He took a sip of her lemonade. "Don't tell me you haven't been eyeing that clearing over there."

 

She put a hand on her hip. "I think you have."

 

He shook his index finger back and forth. "Be good and I'll actually cook the lunch next time."

 

She whistled appreciatively. "French?"

 

"Whatever you want. I'm a reasonable man."

 

\--

 

He knocked on the door of her office. When she glanced over, he raised his eyebrows. She shook her head, then motioned for him to come take a seat.

 

"No. Stay with him... listen, I think I'm going to come out there. No... no, I didn't say that. I don't think that. Let me call you back. Just keep an eye on him..." Nancy hung up the phone and rolled her eyes. "Poker night tonight?"

 

He nodded. "You look a little busy..."

 

She massaged her temples briskly. "I think I'm going to have to fly out to San Antonio tonight and babysit. She can't get a lead and I can't help but think she must be missing something."

 

"Need to be a bit more hands-on?" He came up behind her chair and started kneading her shoulders.

 

Nancy moaned and sank down to the surface of her desk. "Just don't let..."

 

They heard the cleared throat at the same time. Nancy's secretary stood in the doorway, her eyebrow raised. "Thought you might like to see this," she said, sliding a sheet of paper onto Nancy's desk. Then, smiling, she walked out and pointedly closed the door behind her.

 

Nancy muttered a curse. "Great."

 

Ned started in on her neck as he stole a glance at the letterhead. "No way," he said.

 

"Let me see," Nancy mumbled, tilting her head to see the paper. "Mmm, right there," she breathed, closing her eyes again. "Good thing you don't work with me, I'd never get anything done. But I'd be incredibly relaxed."

 

He laughed and gave her a final squeeze, then stood back. She pouted slightly, then glanced at the sheet of paper. Halfway down she stopped, balled the paper up and tossed it into her trash can.

 

"That's the third time this year she's tried to apply here."

 

"Do you have a lot of openings?"

 

Nancy shrugged. "Sometimes." She lifted her phone's receiver and pressed a button. "Hey... yeah. Can you book me on the soonest possible flight to San Antonio? Thanks." She hung up.

 

"At the rate we're going, Leslie probably thinks she's going to walk in on us next."

 

Ned sat on the corner of her desk. "That could be arranged."

 

"Maybe then she'd stop asking me if she can have your phone number. Though now she says 'if you promise not to answer when I call.'" Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "I'm really sorry. We had reservations tonight, didn't we."

 

Ned shrugged. "I'm sure the guys won't mind spending a few hours at a bar before we start playing cards. Makes some of them play better."

 

She half-smiled. "Maybe things will calm down soon."

 

He stood. "I think you've been to every corner of the continental United States this week."

 

She shrugged. "Not much is happening out in Seattle. Though I bet you just jinxed me."

 

He slumped back in the chair in front of her. "I really should go," he said. "You look like you're in the middle of a working lunch."

 

She propped her chin on her hand. "I'd love to go with you but we'd have to settle for a burger. Are you upset?"

 

He leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees, and steepled his fingers. "I'm not upset."

 

"Look at me," she murmured. He complied, then glanced away. "This weekend is ours. I promise."

 

He didn't say anything.

 

"I mean it, Ned."

 

He stood. "Look... have a nice flight, okay?" He put his hand on the doorknob.

 

She stood and came around her desk, put a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."

 

He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry." His jaw was set.

 

She smoothed a hand over her hair. "I'm cutting back," she told him in a low voice. "One of my operatives... well, anyway. She's ready to be in charge here. And I don't know that my heart's in this anymore."

 

He snickered. "Nancy, this..." he spread his arms. "This is who you are."

 

"Not this. Not chasing down unfaithful husbands and cheating wives. This isn't what I used to do. I used to help people."

 

"You are helping people."

 

She leaned against the wall. "Dad asks me every now and then if I want to come to his practice. Be a partner at the firm."

 

"You have legal training?"

 

She shrugged. "I have some. Wouldn't be too hard to go back and get a paralegal degree."

 

"And you want to do that?"

 

"I don't know what I want anymore. But it's like you said. I feel like I've barely seen you in the past week. And this is how it was, before... before everything that happened. I was never anywhere for long. I didn't have time for anyone."

 

He put his hands in his pockets. "We have a weekend, you said. That's a start."

 

"And next week I'll be waking you up at 1am when I come in, still thinking about the case I'm working."

 

He glanced at his watch. "Let me buy you a burger."

 

They walked past her smiling secretary down to the parking lot. Nancy fastened the seat belt in the passenger side of Ned's car. "You don't believe me, do you."

 

"It's not that. I believe that right now at this moment you may not be happy. But that's not the same thing as changing your career, your entire life around. And I'm trying to be realistic."

 

"So am I."

 

He reached over and patted her hand. "You'll be back tomorrow, right?"

 

She nodded.

 

"We'll talk then. And I'll make reservations for us, Sunday night. But you have twenty-four hours. Who knows how you'll feel tomorrow morning?"

 

She smiled weakly. "I'll still feel this way."

 

"And if you do we can talk about it then."

 

"About my options?"

 

He nodded. "Anything you want. I remember that you wanted to be a doctor once." He winked at her.

 

She smiled. "I don't think so, not anymore. I don't like to see blood."

 

They sat in silence for a minute. Nancy touched his knee. "I love you," she murmured.

 

He glanced over at her. "Love you too."

 

"Feels like we're dating again." She sighed. "No sex and we have five minutes for a burger before I have to go back and track down some woman who faked her own death eight years ago for insurance money."

 

"But back then I didn't spend eight hours with you in my arms almost every night."

 

Nancy grinned as Ned maneuvered his car into the drive-thru lane and ordered her meal without even asking her. Even remembered that she wouldn't want onions. "There is that," she admitted. "No more separate rooms."

 

He turned to her. "You can do anything," he told her, holding her gaze. "You can be anyone you want to be."

 

\--

 

"What if I want to be with you?"

 

Nancy stared out the window on the plane. She couldn't see; the night was moonless around her.

__

_Career or marriage. Love or job._

 

Ned didn't have that problem. Ned was working nine to five, corner office, business trips abroad and a Jaguar. His job didn't spill into their plans, the plans she had started breaking more and more frequently now.

 

He'd been the one to tell her that she needed to take herself off desk duty. He'd been the one to convince her that she was fine again, safe again. Who swore that he'd be with her, even if only as her friend.

 

But she could feel his frustration. For that glorious time between, they had lunch together nearly every day, cooked dinner together. Showered together. Slept together. She had become comfortable with him again. He had called her every time he'd had to leave, bought her unexpected white roses and dinner on nights they were too tired to cook.

 

They were playing at house.

 

And then she had gone back to work, full-time, no more time off for self-pity or unfounded fear. No more time for him, either. Work was what life was when Ned wasn't there.

 

They didn't talk. They had the night together, but he was asleep when she came home. No more morning jogs or breakfast in bed or time for picnics in the park because in her job everything overflowed from the four-hour pockets of time his job seemed to fit so neatly into. Operatives and desperate clients.

 

Why buy a house when she'd never see it, save in moonlight?

__

_Why buy a house when it means I'll have to sleep in an empty bed?_

 

Maybe he'd be better off if she left. He'd told her he wanted her to do what made her happy. That's what detective work had been. _Not even detective work_, she corrected herself. _Chasing down cheating spouses and dirty money and angry people._

 

But she couldn't seriously think about leaving. Not even with her father's admonishment.

__

_One day he'll find someone who works decent hours and doesn't have baggage and will sleep with him. Maybe he already has. He's stopped asking me, stopped waking up in the middle of the night..._

__

_For a week I've been so tired I couldn't see straight. For five years I've been the only one he's thought about. And he's said he'll be here for me as my friend._

__

_But he doesn't just want to be friends._

 

She remembered how her heart had sunk the first time he'd taken a shower without her. The first time he'd had to miss a lunch date.

__

_Cut back._ She saw his sardonic smile again. _As though I could cut back that way. It's all or nothing. With him one day it will be that too. He wants kids and a dog and a backyard, I know that. We're not getting any younger. And if it's not with me..._

 

Her eyes welled up and she covered them with her paper napkin until the stinging sensation stopped.

__

_He has enough money that I'd never need to work again._

 

Her throat closed up and she gasped for air, but she still heard her own voice in her head.

__

_We could move into a little townhouse in Chicago. We could be married in a church this time, Daddy escorting me down the aisle and punch and cake and flower girls. That's what he wants._

__

_But is that what_ I _want?_

 

\--

 

"Hey."

 

"Hey." She heard the general crush of the bar behind him, but it was silenced by the slamming of a door. "Sorry."

 

"Where are you?"

 

"Some bar downtown. Half of us are so drunk I don't think we'll be playing any cards tonight."

 

Nancy chuckled. "Are you drunk?"

 

"Nah," Ned replied. "I've had a few but I'm great. How's San Antonio?"

 

"Same way it was when I left it."

 

He laughed.

 

"Remember that great bathtub we saw in that one house?" she asked.

 

He murmured affirmatively. "Room for two."

 

"Too bad I'm not there right now. I could use that."

 

"Why? Your girl in Texas not doing a good job?"

 

"She just needs a little more confidence."

 

Ned laughed. "You're confident enough for an army, Nan."

 

"When it comes to following off-the-wall hunches, sure," she replied. "But no, instead of champagne and a bubble bath with you, I'm riding out to a horse ranch first thing in the morning."

 

"Sounds like you might need to get some sleep."

 

"I guess so."

 

"Call me if you can't," he murmured.

 

She smiled. "Okay, I will."

 

"Take care of yourself, Drew. I love you."

 

"Love you too. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"Good night."

 

\--

 

Ned hung up his cell phone and noticed Paul standing behind him, smoking a cigarette under the bar's awning. They nodded to each other.

 

"Girlfriend checking up on you?" Paul asked, smiling.

 

"You should talk. How many times has Brook called you tonight?"

 

Paul ducked his head. "She just couldn't figure out where I'd put the frying pan."

 

"Sure."

 

"So are you two really back together?"

 

Ned shrugged. "Kind of."

 

"Are either of you seeing anyone else?"

 

"No."

 

"I don't even remember the last time you did, Nickerson." Paul took one last drag and dropped his cigarette to the pavement, crushed it out. "She's a great girl."

 

"She is."

 

"I know there's no way we'll be playing tonight, because Scott's up on the pool table dancing to the jukebox... but maybe next time you think she could play with us?"

 

Ned snickered. "Yeah, right."

 

"I mean it, man. The rest of the guys, well, most of them, remember her. She was really cool to hang out with. Maybe we could all bring the girls and play one night. Teams." Paul's eyes gleamed. "Come on, man."

 

"You think you can take the both of us, DiToma?" Ned grinned.

 

"Bring it, star quarterback."

 

\--

 

The cell phone on Ned's bedside table rang. He opened an eye and groped for it. "All right we can have phone sex but only because you begged," he answered it.

 

Nancy giggled. "Oh, I caught you talking to your other girlfriend," she said. "You should be careful about call waiting."

 

"What's up?" He yawned, dragging his nails over his chest before smothering his mouth.

 

"Tell me a story."

 

"Can it be about how mismanagement of funds is a common problem among short-term investors?"

 

"Mmm— nah."

 

"About how I would have won about two hundred bucks if we could have gotten Scott to get off the pool table before the cops arrived?"

 

"That sounds more interesting, but... nah."

 

"About a very beautiful girl thousands of miles away whom I miss very much?"

 

"Will it involve candlelight? And maybe an easily-deciphered mystery about the innkeeper's cat?"

 

"Easily-deciphered is about all you're gonna get at—" he glanced at his alarm clock. "Four o'clock in the morning. Damn, Nan."

 

"I'm sorry—"

 

"No. No, now as punishment you have to hear the story. Complete with a tabby cat."

 

\--

 

"Five-card stud."

 

"What's wild?" Nancy asked.

 

Paul grinned. "Nothing, sweetheart."

 

The table hadn't provided enough space, so they'd moved Ned's coffee table aside and were all sitting indian-style in Ned's sunken living room, between the couches, while ESPN played faintly behind them. In return for having to listen to sports, Nancy had demanded that they prepare some sort of finger food. Ned had given in as long as the finger food involved triscuits.

 

Nancy pouted. "Oh come on. Are you afraid?"

 

Paul nodded at the stack of chips in front of Nancy and Ned. "Not afraid. Just a little more cautious."

 

Nancy sat out the next hand and wandered over to the bar for another plate of chips and dip. She called over her shoulder to ask Ned if he wanted another beer.

 

Brook groaned. "Don't do that, Nancy. It'll make the rest of us look bad."

 

Nancy grinned. A lot of the girls who had come tonight, she remembered from Emerson. Tamara had come with Howie, who looked ridiculous with his over-six-foot frame bent on the floor. Mindy Kwan, Susan... Bess had come with her husband, who turned out to know a few people besides Ned, and George had dragged Jon along. But Jon had to be told every time it was his turn, because he had a bad habit of staring at the television.

 

"Olympic tryouts," he read off the screen, and bumped George. "Looks like they're talking about you."

 

Ned turned to her in surprise. "Finally decided to bite the bullet?"

 

George blushed, but Jon announced proudly, "Yep. After the Mount Rainier trip."

 

"Congrats, George," Nancy said, lifting her beer. Everyone else followed suit, which just made George blush a bit deeper.

 

"It's nothing," she dismissed, bumping her shoulder against Jon's. "Didn't want to say anything in case it might jinx it."

 

A few hours later, when people started gathering their coats and making vague excuses involving babysitters and church in the morning, Nancy walked into the kitchen to find Brook and Mindy at the sink, suds up to their elbows. "Go ahead, Nan," Brook said, shooing her away. "We'll take care of this. And we really should do this again sometime."

 

"Yeah, we should," Nancy said. "Thanks, guys."

 

Ned appeared next to her in his leather jacket. "Want to take a walk, Nan?"

 

\--

 

She huddled against him in the unseasonably cold wind. "Thanks. Despite all my misgivings, I actually had fun."

 

He laughed. "You should thank Paul, but I'll take it. Especially if you'll knock me one on the cheek."

 

She reached up and kissed him. "Don't set your sights so low next time," she teased him. "Just think, I could have thrown you against a wall and kissed you until your knees were weak."

 

"You still could."

 

She laughed, then linked arms with him as they walked through the pools of light beneath the streetlamps.

 

She tilted her head back to see his face. "I've been thinking..."

 

He nodded, a smile quirking his lips. "Always good."

 

She looked down. "You were right. I did need a day to think about things."

 

"So what do you think now?"

 

"I think... that I don't want it to be one or the other. I don't want to choose between having you and having a career."

 

"But..."

 

She reached up and placed a finger over his lips. "Shh. Now you listen. If I have to choose, I choose you. But it doesn't have to be that way. I need something, some way, that I can put it all down at five o'clock and come home to you. Some way that we can have lazy Saturdays together. I want to give the girl a chance. I want to provisionally give her the job. After the first few weeks, I'll know whether it can be like that. Whether my professional life is going to become my personal life to the point that I don't even need one anymore."

 

He kissed her fingertip. "What if it doesn't? What if that's not enough to make you happy?"

 

She sighed. "The thing making me happy right now is you. I get... cranky and irritable when I don't see you, when we don't have a chance to talk. I constantly want to talk to you. And... and all this house shopping and... Ned, I don't have a life apart from you. I don't want one."

 

"What about the house shopping?"

 

She pouted. He stopped and tilted her chin up so he could see her face. "I don't want to buy a house if it means I have to sleep alone in it," she said quietly.

 

"Why should we be sleeping together? We don't even have sex."

 

"It's not about that," she said hotly. "It's about..."

 

"What?" he prompted her. "Out of fear and a need for protection?"

 

"No..." She peered up into his face. "Are you... saying that you don't feel the same way? That this past week hasn't been hell for you too? I just... I didn't even know how much I just need to talk to you. After being without it so long... I go back there and after ten hours it feels like seeing you again, finding you again, was just some dream I had."

 

He nodded. "But I never want to wake up," he said softly.

 

After another hour they stumbled back into his apartment. They glanced through the rooms to make sure no unexpected guests had decided to camp out for the night, jostled for space at the bathroom sink while brushing their teeth, and fell into bed, exhausted.

 

"I love you," she mumbled through her yawn. She slid her hand down onto his hip, just above the waistband of his boxers.

 

"Love you too," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her. She put her arms around his neck and pulled herself up to meet him. She felt lightheaded as they broke for air, one of her legs tossed carelessly over his.

 

He rolled over onto her, her knees bent, legs open beneath him, so that he was settled against her sleep shorts. Their kisses became more intense, his hand cupping her jaw, his thumb stroking her face. They broke again.

 

She ran a hand over his hair, her eyes half-lidded, stars in them. He rested his forehead against hers as she traced over his cheek with a finger. Then she felt him sigh.

 

"Good night, Nan."

 

He rolled away from her, facing the wall, on his side. She curled up behind him and put an arm over his chest, and he held it there.

 

"Good night," she whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

Her dress was a fitted burgundy with a sweetheart neckline and beaded fringe at her knees. When he twirled her on the dance floor, he watched it fly.

 

The orchestra finished their number and everyone clapped. Nancy was still laughing, flushed from their dancing. When the band members left their seats for a break, she gazed up into his eyes.

 

"Maybe they'll play it when they get back," she said, breathless.

 

He shrugged. "It's all right. I didn't mind that much."

 

They returned to their table and Nancy took a long sip of her iced water. "It's been a while, hasn't it," she said.

 

"It has been a while, since we've been to a place where the dance music wasn't throbbing out of a speaker."

 

She tossed her hair back from her glowing face. "I still like the clubs, don't get me wrong. But this... this place is great. Excellent food, fantastic company."

 

He smiled at her and took a sip of his own water. "Glad you like it."

 

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is this for my birthday?" she asked point-blank. "Because I saw you whispering to the host when we came in. Though I doubt they'll sing at me here. Gosh, I hate that."

 

"I told him to keep an eye on my Jaguar."

 

"Sure you did." Nancy crossed her arms.

 

Their waiter appeared. "Would you two care for dessert? Coffee?"

 

Nancy beamed at him. "I couldn't eat another bite. Dinner was fantastic."

 

Ned smiled. "I'll have a piece of cheesecake with two forks. And a coffee."

 

Nancy shook her head. "Where do you put it? Maybe jogging two miles every morning really is good for the figure."

 

"What can I say, I'm just naturally handsome."

 

She swatted lightly in his direction, then glanced over his shoulder and clapped her hands. "Guess the band just went on a five-minute break. They're back now. Do you want to go dance some more or wait for your coffee?"

 

"I think I'll wait for my coffee. And you have to help me with that cheesecake."

 

"Only if you swear you'll make me jog those two miles with you tomorrow morning."

 

The bandleader stepped up to the microphone. "Before we leave tonight, we'd like to play one last song, requested by one of the guests. Everyone have a good night and a safe drive home."

 

They played the opening bars. Nancy recognized it and her face lit up, tears springing to her eyes. "It's our song," she whispered. Ned pushed his chair back and stood up. "Do you want to dance?"

 

He shook his head and reached into his jacket pocket, then dropped to one knee. Nancy covered her mouth with her hand as she met his eyes.

 

"I know I'm not perfect," he began. "I know I can be selfish and jealous and inconsiderate. I know that a long time ago I screwed this up and I was afraid I'd never get a chance to make up for it.

 

"But I've been given a second chance. I know a lot of things have happened. I know it will be hard. But I also know that I want to keep waking up next to you. I want to keep making you laugh. I want you to be there for the rest of my life.

 

"I don't want to lose you again. I want you to give me the chance to make you as happy as you've made me.

 

"Nancy, marry me again."

 

Her blue eyes searched his brown ones as he opened the box in his palm. Inside was a triple diamond band.

 

She plucked the ring from the box and folded it into her palm. "Yes," she whispered, and all the tears spilled down her cheeks. "Yes, Ned, I will marry you."

 

He fairly vaulted off the ground and pulled her into his arms in a bear hug, laughing. He twirled her around three times before placing her back on the floor. "Nan," he whispered into her hair. "I love you so much."

 

"I love you too," she whispered, and sniffed. Then she laughed.

 

"Are you sure this is what you want? To try again? To let me bounce ideas off you and hold me when I can't sleep?"

 

"Are you sure you want to put up with poker night and morning jogs and ESPN?"

 

She hugged him tightly. "More than anything."

 

\--

 

"Call me when you set the date. I have a pool going with some guys at work."

 

Nancy stuck out her tongue at the receiver. "Thanks, Bess. I can always count on you for a reality check."

 

Bess's tone softened. "Congratulations, Nan," she said. "I always knew the two of you would get back together."

 

"Guess we were the only ones who didn't know."

 

Ned poked his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in his mouth, as she hung up the phone. "Everything okay?"

 

Nancy extended her fingers and gazed down at her left hand. "Oh yes."

 

She fussed around with her clothes until he left the bathroom, then gave him a peck on the cheek and closed the door behind her.

 

"Don't be too long," she heard him call.

 

Nancy took a breath and stared at her reflection. She brushed her teeth thoroughly, checked to make sure she'd shaved, and ran her fingers through her hair until it reached something like artfully tousled. Then she stepped out of her clothes and into a black lace silk slip.

 

She knew she'd bought it for something.

 

After a few more deep breaths she grabbed the lone candle in the room, lit it, and walked back into the darkened bedroom. She placed it on the bedside table and looked down at Ned's gleaming eyes. He searched hers.

 

"Hey," he said softly, reached up for her.

 

In a fluid motion she tugged the slip over her head and dropped it on the floor. She crawled into bed and onto him and their mouths met in desperate hurried kisses. He reached down and pulled the covers over them both, his hands drifting down her spine as his tongue tangled with hers. When they broke for air he rolled over so he was on top of her and pulled his shorts off.

 

"Nan," he whispered, giving her a slow, deep kiss that seemed to make the room spin. His hands slid down to her hips and she wrapped her legs loosely around his waist.

 

"I love you," she gasped as he trailed kisses down her neck. She could feel his response to her closeness, and tightened her legs around him, pulling him closer.

 

"God," he gasped, his mouth descending upon hers again. She arched her back and his grip on her tightened slightly. His fingers trailed slowly but deliberately down to her hip, down to the hollow. "Damn, you're so wet right now," he whispered, and his eyelids fluttered when she briefly closed the distance between them again.

 

He stroked the lips and she made a choked sound, tilting her head back. She felt him start to enter her and she sighed.

 

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

 

"You won't," she whispered. She rolled over with him and mounted him, a little at a time, taking him inside her in slow inches until he was groaning, until his grip on her tightened. She adjusted the angle and pushed herself up, then sank down again, her head thrown back. He reached down and stroked a finger up to her clit, then again, until she was trembling, rocking her hips down against his, taking more and more of him inside her.

 

Then he rolled over with her again and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He felt her body tremble as he sank fully inside her, then thrust into her again, her screams building. She thrashed underneath him as his hips slammed against hers, gasping his name when she found breath. She found his rhythm and he groaned, he could feel it, he could feel it...

 

They froze and he felt her come around him. She screamed, arching her spine, as he pressed inside her and released. He stayed still as her muscles slowly stopped spasming, then reached down to slide his thumbs over her nipples. She inched away from him, eyes half-lidded, mouth open, as he flicked his nails over the very tips. She groaned something intelligible. He flicked a nail over her clit as he thrust into her again.

 

She screamed, full-throated, her fists clenching the bedsheet as she came again. He rocked his hips against hers and it increased pitch, her legs tightening around him.

 

She was still whimpering gently as he collapsed back on his side of the bed. He reached out for her and she slid into his arms with no hesitation.

 

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?" he murmured, still out of breath.

 

She laughed. "Five years," she replied. "Five long damn frustrating years."

 

\--

 

His alarm rang and he groped out from under the covers, then smacked it and sighed in relief. Nancy turned over and ran a hand over her face.

 

"Hey," he mumbled.

 

"Hey," she whispered. She kissed his cheek and he reached for her before she could toss the covers back, rolling on top of her. She laughed and looped her arms around his neck, holding him to her as he traced kisses over her face and down her neck.

 

"Sleep well?" he whispered into her skin, and she shivered.

 

"You tire me out, Nickerson," she teased him, then gasped as he moved his hips between her bent legs. She kissed his shoulder and he felt her teeth against his skin as he slid his fingers inside her, then stroked her until she was wet again. She tilted her head back, eyes sown shut in pleasure, as he thrust into her. Her heavy breathing turned into gasping moans as their hips rocked together, her spine arched.

 

He traced his fingertips over her face, his eyes rolling back slightly as he felt her come. She whimpered and he sighed, then rolled off her.

 

"Now I definitely have to take a shower," he murmured. Then he turned his head to look at her as she ran her fingers through her hair, still breathing heavily.

 

"Okay," she whispered, then laughed. "Wow. Screw the morning jog."

 

He finished lathering her hair five minutes later. "I'm sorry."

 

She met his eyes, hers sparkling. "You don't have a thing to be sorry about."

 

He smiled. "I promised myself I'd wait until we were married again."

 

"I think if I'd had to spend one more night like that I'd have ripped off your clothes myself."

 

He dipped his head under the water, then turned so she could do the same. "And to think I was afraid you'd never want to have sex again."

 

"I didn't want to take advantage of you. I'm already sleeping here, mooching off your groceries. I didn't want to..."

 

"Add casual sex to the tab?" He smiled and traced a hand down her side. "If every night had been like last night I would have bought you a Jaguar."

 

She grinned. "Ooh. I want a Jaguar. Anything I can do to... convince you?"

 

He laughed and hugged her. "I didn't want to take advantage of you, and you were so scared for so long, and I didn't want to hurt you..." he whispered.

 

"That's why I think you never will again," she whispered into his shoulder. "And sex with you is never casual."

 

"I never wanted it to be." He kissed her forehead.

 

\--

 

"Tracy, you've been an excellent operative."

 

Tracy bit her lip. "Did I... do something, Miss Drew?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "I've been thinking a lot the past few days, and this... this isn't what I want right now. To be this close to everything. Supervising every single case, seeing every single shot of cheating couples in their hotel rooms. You've been invaluable to me. And I'd like to provisionally offer you the supervisory position. I want you in charge of day-to-day operations here. I want to be able to pick and choose my cases."

 

Tracy nodded. "That's completely understandable."

 

"If you don't want to do this, I understand. I won't punish you."

 

Tracy shook her head. "Miss Drew... I'm flattered. It's a lot of responsibility."

 

"Think you're up for it?"

 

Tracy nodded. "I think I can be. If you'd give me a try."

 

Nancy stood and reached over the desk, and Tracy took her hand. "Thank you so much."

 

"Don't mention it," Nancy murmured.

 

As Tracy was leaving, Nancy saw Ned peering in from the office. She beckoned him in and he closed the door behind him.

 

"I just did it," she said, and sighed.

 

"So the girl I just saw is the new you?"

 

"Something like that." She leaned her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

 

"You okay?"

 

She slipped out of his arms and sat on her desk. He glanced down. "I'm all right."

 

"Don't tell me you're wearing knee-highs," he breathed. "You really want your secretary to walk in on us, don't you."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Three times in twenty-four hours? On my desk over my lunch break?"

 

"How did I not see you put these on this morning?" He traced a finger up past her knee and she twitched. "Have I even seen these before?"

 

She inched her skirt up to reveal her garters. "I don't know, have you seen these before?" she asked throatily, staring up into his eyes.

 

"Miss Drew..."

 

They both jerked around to see Nancy's secretary in the doorway. "Your father's on the phone..."

 

"Thanks." She closed the door and Nancy reached up to massage her temples. "Next time just bring a Do Not Disturb sign for the door, okay?"

 

"Shh." He tilted her chin up and kissed her soundly. "You talk to your dad. I'll go to that deli down the block and pick us up something?" He raised his eyebrows.

 

"That sounds great."

 

\--

 

"You know where it is, right?" She held the phone between her ear and shoulder as she negotiated a turn onto the interstate.

 

"I think I can find it pretty easily. You still wearing...?"

 

She laughed. "Yes. Not that I particularly want my Dad to know that."

 

"Hey, I'm just trying to make up for five years of lost time," he protested. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

 

"Later, darling," she said in a low voice, then laughed.

 

Two hours later Nancy and Ned were seated in her father's living room with Carson and Nancy's stepmother. Nancy took a sip of her after-dinner coffee and peered at her father over the cup's rim.

 

"I notice something's a little different about you, Nan," Carson said. He smiled. "Ned, are you responsible for that ring on her finger?"

 

"Guilty as charged, sir." Ned took a sip and smiled. "We're going to try to do things right this time."

 

Nancy's stepmother smiled. "So have the two of you set a date?"

 

Nancy and Ned glanced at each other. "Not quite yet," she replied. "But it will be soon. At our church in Chicago."

 

Carson stood and reached over. "Congratulations," he said, shaking Ned's hand.

 

\--

 

"Start things off right," Nancy giggled, stumbling into the apartment with him. He tossed his keys onto the couch and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. He unzipped her skirt and she wriggled out of it, then kicked it away from her on the floor.

 

"Damn," he whispered, tugging her suit jacket off. He tossed it on the couch as she unbuttoned his shirt and tugged it out of his pants.

 

"You really do need to get out of those clothes," she murmured to him as he let his jacket and shirt fall to the floor. She gasped in surprise as he swept her up into his arms, wearing only her silk camisole and her stockings and garters over her lace thong.

 

"Mmm, high heels to bed?" he murmured as he nuzzled against her. She kissed him as they made their way to the darkened bedroom.

 

\--

 

They had sex ten times in the next week, even though he spent three of the seven days on a business trip. In the kitchen, the living room while they were trying to watch television, the shower, the bathtub, the bedroom, even once in the closet when he'd been looking for a tie and she'd leaned over to pick up a pair of shoes. She'd had an otherwise inexplicable buckle imprint on her back, thankfully out of sight of her secretary.

 

She rolled off him and dragged a hand through her hair. "Sorry," she breathed.

 

"Hey, it's all right," he replied. "Now I'll definitely get..." he glanced at the clock. "Five hours of sleep before my flight."

 

She smiled and traced a hand over his shoulder. "The way we're averaging, we would have had sex, what, six times? While you're going to be gone."

 

"Let's be optimistic and say eight." He slid a finger over her cheek.

 

"So when are they going to let you stay in the country for more than a week?" She bit her lip, not meeting his eyes.

 

"Hey, I like to travel," he joked. Then he propped his head on his hand. "Actually, I was going to tell you about this when I got back, but..."

 

She searched his eyes. "What is it?"

 

"They've offered me a promotion. I'll have to take trips three or four times a year, but the rest of the time it'll be optional."

 

She threw herself into his arms. "That's fantastic," she said.

 

He laughed. "Yeah. I thought so."

 

"Now you can afford to give me a matching Jaguar."

 

"Are you trying to give me additional incentive or are you just happy to see me?" he asked, running his hands over her back.

 

\--

 

She had just started to wonder what she'd do for lunch without him when Leslie put the call through.

 

"It's from the FBI," she said, in a normal, not overawed, voice. They had investigated a handful of cases for friends Nancy still had in the agency.

 

An hour later Nancy brushed back her hair with one hand and offered the seated man the other. "Thanks for meeting with me over my lunch break, Agent Roberts."

 

He grinned. "Any excuse to put a lunch here on the expense account, Miss Drew. Nice diamond," he commented.

 

She smiled. The waitress noticed her presence and hurried over to their table.

 

"Just some water," Nancy told her. After a brief glance over the menu, she settled back and crossed her arms. "So what can I do for you? Some ambassador causing trouble?"

 

"Not quite," Agent Roberts sighed. Then he gazed at her for a moment. "I heard you were cutting back at your agency."

 

She raised an eyebrow.

 

\--

 

A drop of condensation fell from her water glass onto her camisole. She brushed at it, then folded her pajama-clad legs underneath her as she reached for the wedding planning book. She flipped a few pages and consulted her day-planner.

 

His key scratched in the lock and he opened the door to find her, back propped up against the couch, sitting on the floor, eight magazines open around her and the wedding planning book in her lap. She smiled up at him and extracted herself. He offered her a garment bag and she slung it over her shoulder.

 

"How was your flight?" 

 

He dropped his bags on the floor and hugged her tightly. "It was fine," he replied. "Long. I've seen all the movies on rotation, now." He traced a finger down her cheek and she reached up for his hand.

 

"I have just a few more things to finish up," she murmured. "I know you have to be tired."

 

He searched her eyes. "Yeah," he replied. "I am beat."

 

She settled back down with her book but the words blurred in the soft light. She caught herself staring into space and flipped through one of the wedding dress catalogs without seeing a single page. She glanced at the clock and shook her head. Still mentally elsewhere, she stood and walked over to the fishtank. Her fingernails tapped against the glass. She ran a hand over the countertop, but she'd already cleaned it earlier. Already unloaded the gleaming chrome dishwasher.

 

She stuck her thumb in her mouth and chewed her nail gently, unable to wait any longer. Very quietly she turned off the kitchen light, then padded on bare feet and peered around the corner, into the bedroom.

 

He was sprawled on his back, mouth open slightly, eyes closed. His arm was flung on her side of the bed.

 

She crawled in, staring at him, waiting for him to open his eyes and reach for her. But he remained asleep, so she nudged his arm over and stretched out facing him.

 

\--

 

"Reservations?" He laughed. "Make me a deal. This weekend we eat in. Sandwiches and things like that."

 

"I just wanted to do something special. I know you just got back, but I thought you'd like this place. I don't think you've been there."

 

"So where are we going?"

 

"It's a surprise." She grinned, glad he couldn't see her over the cell phone.

 

"When are the reservations?"

 

"Do you have anything you're doing tonight?"

 

"No, just wondering."

 

"Well, I'll pick you up from work. If that's all right."

 

\--

 

He raised his eyebrow. "Something special? I'm tempted to ask you if you're pregnant."

 

"I'm not pregnant." She smiled. "Not from lack of your trying." She pushed open the door of the lobby and held it for him as he stepped through, into the lobby of the Peninsula Chicago.

 

Within a few minutes they were seated in Avenues, the hotel's restaurant. She was digging into the first course when he reached over and touched her hand.

 

"You're sure you're not pregnant?"

 

She tilted her head. "I'm still on the pill and we only started having sex again maybe a week and a half ago. So no, I'm not sure. But I don't think I would be. Haven't been on antibiotics or skipping any doses."

 

He touched the ring. "I don't think we'd be here if you were breaking the engagement..."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "I'd be an idiot to break it off with someone as good as you are in bed."

 

He returned to his plate. "All right. I'm going to stop asking questions now."

 

"That sounds like an excellent idea." Her eyes were sparkling.

 

Instead of returning to the sidewalk after their meal as he was expecting, she led him to the elevator, then pressed a button. He opened his mouth and she placed her finger over it.

 

"Just give me five more minutes," she murmured. He nodded and kissed her fingertip, and she returned to watching the numbers light, her eyes dancing.

 

He reached over for her hand as she ran her keycard and opened the door to their suite. She smiled up at him and closed the door behind them, then reached out for one of the long-stemmed red roses on the table just inside the doorway.

 

"Okay, Nan—"

 

She reached up and drew his face down to hers, kissed him soundly. He wrapped his arms around her waist and returned it, groaning when she broke off.

 

She pointed over at the bag she'd packed for him. "Why don't you get ready for bed?" she suggested.

 

"Bed?" He raised his eyebrows.

 

"Go." She shoved him gently.

 

He took the master bathroom while she took the guest. After washing all her makeup off, she pulled the ivory silk ankle-length nightgown over her head, then pinched her cheeks a few times until they flushed. When he opened the door of the bathroom she was draped across the bed, her features bathed in the glow from the gas fireplace.

 

"Nan, you're scaring me," he said.

 

She patted the cover next to her and he stretched out on the bed beside her. "I wanted to talk to you," she murmured. "Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

 

"I knew there had to be bad news," he said. He shrugged. "You decide."

 

She took a long breath and stared at the ceiling for a moment. Then her blue eyes met his brown ones again. "I met with an agent from the Bureau," she began.

 

"Met _with_?" he repeated. When she nodded he visibly relaxed. "Okay."

 

"He said they heard I was... not retiring. Looking for a lighter workload, now that I'm getting married." She smiled. "Again, but he doesn't know that.

 

"They want me to help them on a case. Basically I'd be joining the Internal Affairs office, helping them track down some agents they suspect of being on mob payroll. And he said after that, he'd like me to be in the Chicago office. Still doing internal investigations, but on a desk job with benefits. I can travel when I want, but for the most part I'm helping him out in the Chicago branch."

 

"He, you said?" Nancy nodded. "And he would be..."

 

"Married," she answered his unspoken question, smiling. "Happily. He's never made a move on me."

 

He hugged her. "Sounds good," he said. "Sounds like what you wanted, Nan."

 

She nodded. "I hope it is. We'll see, though. He said if I don't like what they do there, I can just help out on the mob case and go back to working at the office."

 

He kissed her, then froze and pulled back. "If that's the good news..."

 

She smiled up at him warily. "Don't be mad at me," she said. "I actually kind of got this idea from you..."

 

"Spit it out, Nan."

 

"I think that maybe we shouldn't have sex again until our wedding night."

 

"Hello, cold showers," he said, rolling onto his back and rubbing his forehead. "Man..."

 

She leaned over him and met his eyes. "Except for tonight," she whispered.

 

He rolled off the bed and flipped off the bathroom light, then turned down the gas logs. She pulled back the covers and propped her head on the pillow, watching him.

 

He crawled on top of her and she looked up into his eyes as he straddled her. "Thanks," he whispered.

 

She smiled. "For what?"

 

"For tonight. This place is fantastic."

 

"I just didn't want you to be mad at me."

 

He leaned down and kissed her gently. "You just want it to be special."

 

She closed her eyes and breathed his breath. "I know we can't have our wedding night back, our first one, the first time, but it'll just be like another night unless we stop for a while." She opened her eyes. "But I just wanted one more time. And I wanted to soften the blow with an outrageously expensive hotel room."

 

"You trying to buy my affections?" He laughed and kissed her earlobe. "Obviously it's working," he murmured, and she shivered.

 

He trailed kisses over her cheek until he reached her mouth again, and she slid her arms up around his neck as they kissed. His tongue touched hers and she tilted her head, tasting him. She shifted underneath him and he reached down to take her gown in his hands. She arched her spine, pressing herself up from her heels, mouths motionless, her eyes closed as he slid the silk above her hips. He kissed her again as she bent her knees, letting him settle his hips between her unencumbered legs.

 

He pressed a kiss just under her chin and she reached down to pull his shorts off. He gently pushed her hands away, then reached up to cup her breasts through the silk. She moaned softly as his thumbs traced over her already hard nipples. She opened her eyes again as he slid his palms down her sides, then tugged at her nightgown. She pulled herself up and lifted her arms over her head, and he tugged her nightgown off, let it fall to the side of the bed. Her thighs tightened around his hips as he took her face in his hands and kissed her again, slow and gentle, her lace underwear against his silk boxers.

 

She opened her legs under him as they broke again. She breathed heavily as he trailed kisses down her neck, his mouth wet over her breasts, down to her belly button. He stroked her open inner thighs a few times, then hooked his fingers under her panties to open her. She arched her spine and moaned in frustration as he pulled back, then opened her mouth as he pulled her underwear off.

 

He stroked her hips gently, then kissed her belly button again. She bent her knees and opened her legs wide, eyes closed, as he trailed his lips down to her clit. His tongue slid inside her and her fingernails scratched against the sheets as she bunched the cloth in her fists. He rubbed his unshaved chin over her and she purred in pleasure, then pushed herself up on her elbows. After he scraped his teeth over her clit, she pulled back and pushed him onto his back.

 

She trailed kisses down his chest as she straddled him, leaning back as she reached his belly button. She pulled his shorts off and dropped them over the side of the bed, then trailed kisses over his erection, running her tongue over the tip. She slid her fingertips gently over his balls and he groaned. She slid her tongue up the underside, slowly, and he tensed under her ministrations as her mouth touched the tip again. After a moment he flipped her over, onto her back, closed his hands over her shoulders and pressed her down into the mattress. She searched his eyes as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

She tilted her head back, her neck bared, her spine arching, as he slid his fingertips down, caressing her skin, caressing over her, dipping his fingers inside her, closing his eyes at the feel of her wet smooth skin. He slipped inside her and the undulation began almost immediately, the slow rhythm in the movement of her hips against his. Her whimpering became moaning became screaming almost at once, her nails biting into his back as he matched her movement and quickened it, burying himself inside her. He watched her face carefully as he thrust into her harder, but she came almost immediately, gasping his name as he followed. They stayed that way, slow, breathing heavily, both centered on the spasms inside her. She groaned as he withdrew and rolled onto his side next to her.

 

"I love you," he whispered.

 

"I love you too," she murmured, rolling over into his arms. She pressed her face into his chest and he ran a hand down her back.

 

"Are you all right?"

 

She leaned back and smiled up at him. "Just try me, big boy."

 

They had sex twice more and then fell asleep in each other's arms. When they woke in the morning she drew a bath and spread the petals of one of the roses over the water, and they sank into the warm water together. He pressed her against the side of the tub and rocked his hips into hers until she tilted her head back, damp tendrils of hair against her skin, and her gasped screams echoed from the bathroom tile. He pressed his mouth to hers and she kissed him slowly, releasing him. She washed her arms and his, and then he moved behind her and started massaging her back. She rolled her head around and murmured happily, and he pulled her into his lap. She reached down and touched his erection under the water as she wrapped her legs around his hips. His wet hands slid slowly from her shoulders, down over her breasts, down under the water to her thighs. She tilted her head back onto his shoulder and gasped his name as he started stroking her, their movements became more frantic, her spine arched against his chest. His fingers slowed at the feel of hers, and when he compensated with the brush of a thumbnail or a stroke down her inner lips she groaned his name and slowed her own fingertips. After the movement of her hips became more insistent she turned around in his arms and pressed him against the side of the tub in return, fingers curled under the ceramic lip as she mounted him. He leaned back, felt her breath against his shoulder, felt the rhythm of her hips against his as he closed his eyes. He groaned her name and suddenly she was kissing him, he was so deep inside her that his hips were flush against hers. He moved in her as he returned the kiss and felt her gasp, and they both rocked desperately into the movement, breathing each other's breath, eyes closed, he reached down and led her hips to pull her against him even more closely and she cried out as she came.

 

He whispered her name. "I don't care what anyone else says," he murmured, taking her into his arms. "You're my wife. Right now and forever."

 

"And you're my husband," she whispered, kissing his earlobe. She smiled. "But that was your last conjugal visit for a while."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed Alexandra Cabot from the Law &amp; Order: Special Victims Unit universe.

"The district attorney called."

 

"Oh?" Nancy unlocked her office. "Did she say why?"

 

"She just wanted you to call her back as soon as you could."

 

An hour later Nancy closed the door behind her. "Miss Cabot?"

 

District Attorney Cabot looked up from behind her desk. "Miss Drew. Please sit down."

 

Nancy sat down and crossed her legs, pulled her skirt down past her knee. "How's the case going?"

 

Alex took off her glasses. "I wanted to go over a few points in your testimony, a few things the defense attorney might ask you about."

 

"Can I ask you a question first? Have you tracked down any other girls?"

 

Alex looked down. "The investigation is still ongoing, Nancy. I appreciate your agreement with me, that you won't look into this. The defense attorney would kill us both over that. But I will tell you that we have some promising leads."

 

Nancy nodded. "All right. What did you need to ask me about?"

 

"Nancy, did you ever have consensual sex with Jean?"

 

She shook her head. "Definitely not."

 

"But you went back to the island. They'll put people on the stand who will testify that there was no one there with you holding a gun to your head."

 

"I was under hypnosis."

 

Alex rubbed her forehead. "Yeah..."

 

"I know hypnotic testimony is unreliable. But I'm not testifying to those things. I'm testifying to what happened when he came into my apartment. Ned is the one who can testify to the way he found me."

 

"Ned had a grudge against Jean."

 

"Ned didn't..." Nancy sighed.

 

"Can you clearly remember what happened? Do you remember what he did to you?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Vaguely. I remember being drugged..."

 

"Were your memories recovered by hypnosis?"

 

Alex saw something spark in Nancy's eyes. "No. They weren't. But they're not even enough to... I tried to forget. Things are hard enough without remembering what happened."

 

Alex smiled. "I'll call if I have anything else," she said, reached across the desk to shake Nancy's hand.

 

\--

 

"She's living with you."

 

"Yeah, she is." Ned shuffled a few papers on his desk, then shifted the receiver to his other shoulder. "You knew that."

 

"She wants to do something. And I need your help."

 

"Doctor Strathman?"

 

"The past two sessions she's asked me to regress her."

 

"To what?" Ned stood stock still.

 

"She's trying to recover memories of the rape. But she can't do it by herself. She doesn't feel safe enough."

 

"She didn't tell me." Ned sank into his desk chair.

 

"It's because of your previous response. The last time she drew your attention to it, you physically dominated her to bring her back—"

 

"I'm not like that anymore."

 

"You were sexually active with her again recently. This is all subconscious, Ned. She doesn't mean to be feeling this way, and on a conscious level she isn't. But whenever you and Jean are together in her head, she gets hurt. The trial is soon. You'll be seeing him again soon."

 

"Is she... going to be like this forever?"

 

"Not if we can finish this. But I'll warn you of the same side effects I warned her about. Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, anxiety. This might get worse before it gets better."

 

\--

 

"You're safe, Nancy. You're safe."

 

Ned maintained steady pressure on Nancy's fingers as he watched her face. She opened her mouth. "I'm safe," she whispered.

 

"Do you remember going to the island, Nancy?"

 

She nodded.

 

"You were with Ned. You met Jean there. Jean talked to you. And we've talked about this before."

 

She nodded. "Yes."

 

"You went back a year later. Because he asked you to."

 

Her fingers tightened in Ned's. "Yes."

 

"Did you check into the hotel, Nancy?"

 

She nodded. "The first night I did. Then I checked out."

 

"Where did you stay the next night?"

 

"With Jean."

 

"Did you stay with him the rest of your trip?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What did he do?"

 

She bit her lip. "I don't remember."

 

"Did he give you candy?"

 

A tear slipped out from under her eyelid. "Yes," she mumbled.

 

Ned raised his eyebrow and the doctor nodded. "It's okay," Ned whispered. "Nan, it's all right."

 

"He touched me," she whispered. "Ned don't hurt me."

 

"I won't hurt you," he whispered, stroking her cheek. "I won't hurt you. I won't. I love you."

 

"I couldn't move," she whispered. "I couldn't talk. And he was inside me. I was crying but he didn't care."

 

"It's all right," the doctor said.

 

"Ned, you didn't hurt me like he did," she whispered. "You didn't. You didn't know. He knew."

 

"Shhh." Ned took her in his arms and she buried her face against his chest.

 

"Nancy, you're safe," the doctor said.

 

"Don't let him touch me again," she whispered, and Ned's heart broke.

 

"Jean told you things, didn't he?"

 

She nodded. "He said he'd give me a star."

 

"Did he tell you anything else?"

 

She was rocking slightly in his arms. "He told me that the next time he saw me he'd take me to the island. Not the same one. He has another one. That's where the other girls go. The girls he can't let go. He was going to take Jamie there and then he found me. He traded her for me."

 

"Where is the other island?"

 

She shook her head. "I don't know. He said that there he would let me be free because there was no way to leave."

 

\--

 

"She said she'd pass it on." Nancy blew the water off her lips.

 

He stood in front of her, not touching her. She was staring somewhere in the vicinity of his neck, hair streaming under the curtain of water.

 

"Did she ask you why you'd suddenly thought of it?"

 

She nodded and smiled wryly. "I told her that if it could help put that bastard away for the rest of his life, I'd go back and remember what happened one last time."

 

"Are you afraid of me, Nancy?"

 

She met his eyes. "No."

 

"Because I swear that I'll understand..."

 

She shook her head and stepped forward, slid her arms up around his neck. "No you won't," she replied softly. "You're not the same person you were then. And I'm not who I was then either."

 

He wrapped his arms around her waist and stood there quietly.

 

"I love you. I'll never forgive him for what he did, but I forgive you. You didn't mean to hurt me that night."

 

He shook his head. "I just didn't want his voice in your head anymore."

 

"It's not." She kissed the side of his neck. "What happened was a misunderstanding. It's over." She smiled. "And if I hadn't just sworn to keep my hands off you until we get married again, I'd show you just how much I trust you."

 

He traced a hand over her cheek. "Don't tempt me," he whispered roughly.

 

\--

 

"Cross-examine, counselor."

 

Nancy rubbed the worry stone Ned had pressed into her hand just before she'd been called and met the defense attorney's gaze.

 

"Miss Drew, how did you first meet my client?"

 

"When I was on a case at the island."

 

"Were you licensed at that time?"

 

She shook her head. "No, I wasn't. I was an amateur."

 

"So you were acting as a private citizen in that case."

 

She pursed her lips. "Yes."

 

"Under what circumstances did you meet Mr. Varez?"

 

"I was first introduced to him when I went to his house to ask him about a missing persons case I was investigating."

 

"Were any charges ever filed against him in regards to that case?"

 

"No. I uncovered no solid evidence to connect him to Jamie's disappearance. I witnessed them together, but she later denied ever meeting Mr. Varez."

 

The attorney stood and walked around the table. "Why would Jamie deny meeting Mr. Varez?"

 

Miss Cabot stood. "Objection."

 

"Sustained."

 

"So how would you characterize your relationship with my client?"

 

"I was investigating him. Professional."

 

"Did you spend a significant period of time alone with him?"

 

"When asking him questions."

 

"Did you flirt with him?"

 

"I may have. I was trying to get him to open up to me."

 

"Open up to you how? Maybe in bed?"

 

"Objection."

 

The defense attorney turned to the judge. "Miss Drew is claiming that she was raped by my client on five separate occasions. I am trying to prove that she wasn't, and if she has any past sexual history with Mr. Varez, that is admissible and goes to show the circumstances."

 

The judge turned to Nancy. "Did you and the defendant ever have that sort of relationship?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "Definitely not."

 

"At this point the court orders a recess."

 

Nancy grabbed Ned's hand as soon as she could. "He was staring at me. Did you see it?"

 

Ned darted a glance over his shoulder. "Should I tell someone?"

 

She shook her head. "It won't do any good."

 

\--

 

"Why didn't you go to the police immediately? Four years ago?"

 

"Because I didn't know what had happened."

 

"You were seen at the airport by the previous witness. You were alone, under no duress. If as you say his treatment of you was so terrible, why did you go back? No one was holding a gun to your head."

 

"Because he'd planted a suggestion."

 

"You expect this court to believe that Mr. Varez hypnotized you?"

 

"I know how it sounds, but he did."

 

"Let's go back, Miss Drew. You said you didn't remember what had happened. For four years, you didn't remember what had happened to you?"

 

She nodded. "That's right."

 

"And that's why you didn't go to the police."

 

"Objection, question already asked and answered."

 

"Sustained."

 

"If you don't remember what happened, how do you know he raped you those four times?"

 

"Because I spent those weeks there. I never consensually had sex with Jean."

 

"But you don't remember him raping you, either. You don't even remember being there those four times."

 

"Consciously, no."

 

"You wouldn't have been aware of the last time, you're trying to make us believe, if your fiancé, your boyfriend at the time, hadn't come there."

 

"That's right."

 

"If he was your boyfriend why didn't he accompany you from the beginning of the trip?"

 

She looked down at her hands. "We were having a disagreement."

 

"So you didn't go there to make him jealous?"

 

She shook her head. "No. I had no conscious recollection of making the trip at all."

 

"During that time didn't he verbally threaten Mr. Varez?"

 

"Objection, not best evidence."

 

"Oh, I plan on putting Mr. Nickerson on the stand as well," the defense attorney said. "But my client is being held responsible for things the witness can't even testify to having happened. It's my belief that she and Mr. Nickerson planned this entire hoax. I'll withdraw that and ask this: When you left Mr. Varez's company, where did you stay?"

 

"In a hotel room."

 

"Did you stay alone in that hotel room?"

 

She shook her head. "Mr. Nickerson stayed with me."

 

The defense attorney looked down at the stack of papers, picked up one. "According to this, he registered you as husband and wife. Under false names."

 

"He was trying to protect me."

 

"Did the two of you have sex?"

 

She met his eyes. "No."

 

"Because, Miss Drew, even though the hospital did find evidence of recent sexual activity, they found no sign that force had been used. Or any DNA implicating my client."

 

"He was smart enough to use a condom," she shot back.

 

"But do you remember that?"

 

She shook her head and a tear slipped down her cheek. "No."

 

"You've maintained residence with Mr. Nickerson practically since you returned from that trip, haven't you."

 

"Yes."

 

"He was very angry at Mr. Varez, wasn't he?"

 

"Because Mr. Varez raped me."

 

"You played on his anger, didn't you. And you wanted to see Mr. Varez suffer."

 

"I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to me."

 

\--

 

Ned gave the shaker one last twist, then drained the contents into a martini glass. "Drink it slowly," he advised.

 

She took a sip. "Thanks."

 

He bowed slightly. "Well, I am the mastermind behind this plot."

 

She smiled weakly. "Yeah. I made all this up. Because I wanted to be put on the stand and asked about my entire sexual history."

 

"I bet they're going to start in on me tomorrow."

 

"I'll give you the worry stone," she reassured him.

 

"I'll probably need it."

 

\--

 

"Where were you the day before my client was arrested?"

 

"I was in Paris," Ned replied

 

Just then the doors in the rear of the courtroom opened. Nancy turned around to watch, then stood as a dark-haired girl wearing a sequined dress walked in. "You," she breathed.

 

Three more girls followed her. Their eyes were dull, but every one of them turned to look in Jean's direction as they took seats behind the district attorney's table.

 

DA Cabot stood. "Your Honor, sidebar?"

 

\--

 

"How long were you there?"

 

Marie, the dark-haired girl, shrugged. "I think it had been about three years. It could have been more. Time goes very slowly there."

 

"And Mr. Varez was keeping you captive?"

 

She nodded. "He told us there was no way to leave, and we believed him. Not that we didn't try."

 

"Did he rape you?"

 

She drew a hand over her face. "He raped all of us. He would give us candy and then it was like it didn't matter anymore. I felt like I wasn't even in my body. I couldn't say anything. If we refused the candy it was just that much worse."

 

"Was Miss Drew ever there?"

 

"No. But he told us that there would be another one soon. He never mentioned names. We stopped having names for him while we were there."

 

"How many girls did you see there? Was it just the four of you?"

 

She shook her head. "We had a lot of girls come through. Some for only a little while. One girl had been there longer than any of the rest of us, but she drowned herself."

 

\--

 

Bess made a banner for the party they held after the verdict was read. "Twenty-five to life."

 

"He won't be eligible for parole?" Carson Drew asked Alex Cabot, as he made himself a plate with chips and dip.

 

"Nope. And if he becomes eligible, I will testify at every hearing about what he did." She shook her head. "He was gloating until the second Marie walked into the courtroom."

 

"You invited everyone, didn't you," Bess called to Nancy as she passed the table. "I think Frank Hardy just walked in."

 

"He and Joe were passing through, and they don't turn down parties," Nancy laughed.

 

Ned was behind the bar, ready with the cocktail shaker. Joe came up to him. "Hey man," he said, shaking his hand. "Heard you and Nancy are going to get hitched soon."

 

"Next month. If you'd like to come."

 

"Frank and I wouldn't miss it for the world." Joe grinned. "Unless we get called away to Russia, but I doubt that will happen. Let me take over for you, man."

 

Ned surrendered the shaker. "I wouldn't think you'd want to be standing back here."

 

"You kidding? This is a great way to pick up chicks," Joe said, winking. Just then a girl in a red dress sauntered up and Joe directed his thousand-watt grin at her.

 

Ned headed over to the kitchen table, which had been cleared for another poker game. Nancy was biting her lip in concentration. He glanced over her cards.

 

"How are things going?"

 

She showed him her pile of chips. "I'm wiping the floor with Paul but Howie's having a lucky streak I just can't seem to break."

 

"Any way I can get in on this action?" he winked.

 

"You can take over my hand. I've been dying to get to the bathroom."

 

She passed the fish tank just as Hannah removed another container of dip from Ned's fridge and unwrapped it. "Need to restock?"

 

Hannah smiled. "Bess is almost on top of things, she sent me back here to grab it."

 

"You'd better mingle, Hannah. Don't want you stuck back here with Joe Hardy. Who knows what would happen." She laughed as Joe shot a mock dirty look in her direction.

 

Half an hour later Ned pulled back the sliding door to his balcony and stepped out. Nancy was staring out at the landscape. "Hi," she said.

 

"Just wanted to check and make sure you were okay."

 

"Well, I had to wait like twenty minutes in line for the bathroom. If that's what you mean."

 

"And I just asked some girl I've never even met to please get off the couch and put the lampshade back on the lamp." He sighed and wrapped his arms around Nancy.

 

"I'm surprised they let you leave the table."

 

"Bess took over my hand. She asked if red or black was better. I think the boys are in good hands."

 

Nancy laughed. "She'll have our chips doubled by the time we get back to her."

 

"Next time we do this, we should rent a hotel room. For the party," he amended.

 

"I hope we'll never have to do this again. I hope he dies in prison in a knife fight."

 

"Me too," he whispered into her hair.

 

She turned in his arms and pressed her face into his shoulder. "All those girls. Alex was telling me that most of them were presumed dead. He didn't take me and Jamie, because he found out we were from the same place. It would have been too much of a coincidence for us both to disappear."

 

He took her face in his hands and wiped away the tear trickling down her face with his thumb, then kissed her. "Hey," he whispered.

 

They heard a muffled gasp behind them and turned around. Frank Hardy waved shyly. "Sorry," he said. "I just needed to get some air. Someone broke out some cigars, I think."

 

Ned muttered something ugly under his breath. "Thanks." He gave Nancy a final squeeze and headed back inside to take care of the offenders.

 

"Been a while, hasn't it," Frank said, stepping up to the railing.

 

She nodded. "Since that case in Switzerland. Thanks again."

 

Frank chuckled. "Just don't tell Joe I put on that maid's uniform and we're even."

 

She laughed, then wiped her face with the side of a hand. "That was great. I wish I'd had some film in my tiny camera."

 

"I'd have had to hurt you." The breeze ruffled his brown hair. "So you and Ned are back together."

 

She nodded. "Yeah. For good this time."

 

"We all thought it was for good before." He turned around and leaned back on his elbows, gazing at her. "I kind of regret it."

 

"Regret what?"

 

"I think if you and I had spent a little more time together..."

 

She shook her head, blushing. "No."

 

He shrugged. "Hey, it's in the past now." He winked at her. "We could have had a great fling."

 

"We could have," she agreed, jokingly. "You, in that curly blonde wig. I didn't want to tell you how much it turned me on."

 

"Maybe I should tell Ned about that little factoid. Help a brother out." He reached over and hugged her with one arm. "Congratulations," he said softly.

 

"Thanks," she replied. "So are you and Callie...?"

 

"Maybe once the Network gives me a more predictable job. Until then..." he shrugged. "Heard you were settling down with the Bureau, too."

 

She nodded. "Probably no more running into you on random assignments through the Continent," she told him. "Nice cushy desk job."

 

"Oh, I think you'll find a way to get out every now and then," he said, eyes twinkling. "You can take Nancy Drew out of the mystery, but you can't take the mystery out of Nancy Drew."

 

"Amen to that," Ned said from behind them as he stepped back out onto the balcony. "How are things, Frank?"

 

Frank shook Ned's hand and shrugged. "Can't complain."

 

"Joe's already promised you'll try to make it to the wedding," Ned told him, lacing his fingers through Nancy's. "Just to let you know."

 

"I'm sure we will." He smiled. "In the meantime, I'd better see if he's left the bar unoccupied..."

 

"Did you and he...?" Ned asked once Frank had gone back inside.

 

Nancy shook her head. "We ran into each other a few times, on cases. Nothing happened."

 

"Good to know," Ned said, hugging her again. "Because I remember a long time ago that you two seemed to..."

 

"We did," she admitted, brushing her hair out of her eyes, her body swaying with his to the music pounding loudly enough to be heard through the door. "A long time ago. There was a spark."

 

"Was?"

 

She nodded. "Not anymore. You fill up my senses," she sang at him, grinning.

 

He released her and clapped his hands over his ears in mock pain. "I better pour another drink in you before it's too late," he said. He picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder, and she laughed as he carried her back inside.

 

\--

 

"I'm sorry," Bess said. "Maybe you should contact the government and have this declared a federal disaster area."

 

"It's all right, Bess," Nancy said, lifting a hand from her lap and letting it fall beside her on the couch. "Go home. I'll have the maid take care of it." She laughed.

 

Bess looked questioningly at Ned, who gestured at the door. "You have to be tired," he said. "We'll take care of this. Thanks."

 

"All right," she said. "Thanks again. It was a great party."

 

As soon as Bess had closed the door behind her, Nancy took her shirt off. Ned was standing at the sink, surveying the plates heaped up on the counter. "Ned," she called.

 

He turned around. "Are you hot?" he asked her.

 

She shook her head and let the shirt fall on the floor. "Come to bed."

 

He looked around them. "This place looks terrible."

 

"And it will all be there in the morning when we wake up," she said. She reached down and unfastened her jeans, let them fall in a heap on the floor.

 

"Nan, what are you doing?"

 

She shook her head and he saw the expression in her eyes. "Come here," she murmured.

 

He walked over to the couch and stood in front of her, and she dragged her gaze slowly up until she met his. "Yes," she said. She lifted her arms and he swept her up into his, brushing by the light on his way back to the bedroom. He crawled into bed with her, catching a glimpse of the clock and cringing as he did so.

 

She stayed quiet and still for a minute, then reached over and tugged at his shorts. "Take those off," she ordered.

 

He leaned over her and took her face in his hands. "Are you drunk?" he asked her slowly.

 

She shook her head, her eyes wet. "No. Take your shorts off."

 

"If I do that then we might break our promise."

 

"No we won't. We'll be good." She reached down and tugged her underwear off, tossed it over the side of the bed.

 

He closed his eyes. "It's very hard to be good when we're both naked."

 

"But we take showers together," she protested.

 

"It's difficult enough to do that."

 

"Just do this for me," she whispered. "Please."

 

He sighed and rolled over to his side of the bed, and took his clothes off as she unhooked her bra and tossed it over the side of the bed. He propped his head up on his hand and looked at her.

 

She wrapped her arms around him and he responded in kind, and he actually felt her relax, felt her breathing slow as she pressed her forehead against his chest. "Thank you," she whispered, the sound muffled.

 

"Anytime," he whispered, running his hand over her back.

 

\--

 

She pulled back the curtains in the morning. "Damn."

 

He walked up behind her and kissed her shoulder. "I have an idea."

 

A while later she moved the coffee table out of the way, then spread the blanket in front of the TV. She sat down with her back supported by the couch, in one of his t-shirts, the bear he'd given her in her arms. She could still hear the wind beating the rain against the windows. "You about done in there?" she called.

 

"It takes a while to do a French lunch," he called back. "Give me five more minutes."

 

She'd just been mildly distracted by a cartoon when he brought the plates in. "Hope you're hungry," he said.

 

Her eyes sparkled. "I can't wait to see this."

 

He served her chicken cordon bleu, caesar salad, and crepes with wine. They clinked glasses and he patted the bear. "So you like the bear."

 

She nodded. "I'm impressed, Nickerson."

 

"With what?"

 

"All of it. The bear, the lunch... excellent wine choice."

 

He smiled. "At your service."

 

\--

 

"Want me to pick you up?" she asked Bess the next day.

 

"Why are you willing to come this far out of your way? We are going shopping in town, aren't we?"

 

Nancy giggled. "Ned let me borrow the Jaguar."

 

Bess laughed. "By all means, Nancy. I'll expect to see you here in under ten minutes."

 

The two of them had gone for a coffee, then browsed through a few boutiques before Nancy found one she was willing to try dresses on inside. Bess tilted her head and gazed at the dress silently for a minute, then selected a veil and pinned it to Nancy's hair.

 

"So you just didn't want to wear the other one?"

 

Nancy shrugged, gazing at her reflection. "I don't know, I guess I could wear it. As a fallback. I haven't even tried it on," she admitted.

 

"And it's probably gotten stiff after five years sitting in a cardboard box."

 

"There you are," they heard Ned's voice. He was walking toward them, but he stopped dead in his tracks when Nancy turned.

 

"You... you're gorgeous," he breathed.

 

She half-smiled. "Bring back some memories?"

 

He didn't respond at first. "I have no idea why I'm here," he finally managed. "I came here to ask you something. Isn't it... is this the dress you're going to wear? I'm not supposed to see it, right?"

 

Nancy shrugged her bare shoulders. "I don't think this is the one. It's nice enough..." she trailed off.

 

"I need the car keys," he finally remembered. "I left something in the trunk."

 

She leaned over and rifled through her purse, then tossed him the keys. "Grabbing your overnight bag for some nefarious purpose?" she joked.

 

"Surely not," he said. "I'll bring them right back, I promise."

 

\--

 

Nancy was in Paris the next week, taking a walk outside her hotel before she turned in for the night. For her own peace of mind she had tracked down an old associate and found a man suspected of embezzling funds from his company five years before.

 

She walked into a store specializing in bridal lingerie, but wandered too far and ended up in the actual wedding dress section. The saleslady approached her.

__

_"Non, je passe en revue simplement,"_ she replied upon the questions. _"Merci."_

 

She wanted to leave as quickly as she could, but then she caught sight of the strapless floor-length sheath.

__

_"Est-ce que je peux essayer cette robe?"_

 

\--

 

"I found it," she told him on the phone when she arrived back at the hotel. "It's gorgeous. I love it."

 

"I'm glad," he said. "And I bet you're beautiful in it."

 

She laughed. "Did you say you have bad news?"

 

"Yeah..." he sighed. "About a week before the wedding, my landlady's going to start remodeling my apartment."

 

Nancy thought for a second. "Can't she possibly reschedule?"

 

"No, she asked me about it a year ago, she's been planning this for a while. I didn't remember until she reminded me today."

 

"How serious will it be?"

 

"Tearing up linoleum and everything. I'm sorry."

 

"So are they going to boot us out?"

 

"Yeah. I went ahead and called Bess, she said it'd be cool for you to stay there. If you don't mind."

 

"Where are you going to stay?"

 

She could hear him shrug, across the ocean between them. "Maybe with Paul. I'm not sure but I'm not too worried."

 

\--

 

After Nancy had brushed her teeth she stretched out next to Ned and sighed contentedly. "Don't forget we have to go see the pastor tomorrow," she murmured through a yawn as he slid his arms around her.

 

He laughed. "Good thing there was no mood to kill or that would have done it."

 

"About seeing the pastor?" she asked sleepily.

 

"He's already not entirely pleased that we're in the same house."

 

"That was only before, he didn't understand we'd been married," she reminded him.

 

"But we've also been apart so long..." He leaned over and slid a fingertip down her cheek.

 

Her hand closed over his. "Never again," she said.

 

He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Think about nice things," he ordered her. "Like me naked, or..."

 

Nancy smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I don't want to have a nightmare tonight. I don't want him to spoil our last night together before we're married."

 

He stroked her hair a few times. "I don't either. Because if this keeps happening then we'll just have to split Bess's couch for the next week."

 

"I wouldn't mind that, you know."

 

"I know." He watched her eyes flutter closed and pulled the covers up over her shoulder. "You'll be fine," he whispered.

 

\--

 

Nancy woke up the last night she was spending at Bess's and rolled over before she remembered she was on the couch's pull-out bed. She glanced over into the kitchen, where her dress was, pressed and ready for the morning.

 

Bess walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later to find Nancy sitting at the table, sipping at a glass of water. "Hey," she said, drawing one for herself.

 

"Hey," Nancy said, rubbing her forehead.

 

"You don't want to have rings under your eyes in the morning," Bess said mildly. "Though I know some wonderful ways to hide them if you can't sleep. Need a pill?"

 

"No, I'll be fine," Nancy said tiredly.

 

"Surely you don't have cold feet," Bess smiled, then took a sip of water.

 

"I'm just... I want so badly for everything to be great tomorrow. I want to not be doing this for the wrong reasons."

 

"You're fine, Nan," Bess said. "If I had any doubts about this I'd tell you. And I don't."

 

Nancy half-smiled. "You've  been cheering for us from the beginning."

 

"Yeah," she admitted. "For good reason. You two... I don't know, you were just meant to be. How's your hip?"

 

Nancy glanced down. "I don't feel it anymore. It just feels a little dry," she said. "But it's a relief to have something other than those blasted flowers I don't even remember being there on my hip."

 

"Did it hurt?"

 

Nancy nodded slowly. "Oh yeah. Which is odd, considering I must have had it done five times before, but I can't remember it. While she was doing it, it felt like a hundred bees were stinging me. But Ned held my hand and he was great."

 

"But he's seen it, right?"

 

Nancy shook her head. "I told him it was a surprise. Unless he looked without my knowing."

 

"He wouldn't have done that."

 

Nancy smiled. "Go back to sleep," she told Bess.

 

"Only if you promise to."

 

\--

 

Because their first ceremony was not officially recognized, other than between them, Carson escorted Nancy down the aisle. They had applied for and received their license, which waited for their signatures to be affirmed. She wore the new dress from France, but the veil over her chignon did not fall over her face; everyone in the church knew about Nancy's ordeal with Jean, if not about Nancy and Ned's already consummated relationship. Bess, George, Jan O'Shea, and one of Ned's cousins stood in metallic grey bridesmaid dresses at the altar; Mike, two of Ned's frat buddies, and one of his other cousins stood as ushers. Nancy had appointed George her maid and Bess her matron, and Ned had asked Mike to be his best man.

 

Nancy carried a bouquet of white roses, lilies, and three red sweetheart roses, tied with a silver ribbon. George and Mike each held the rings Nancy and Ned had exchanged on the beach more than five years before. She still wore the diamond from the first engagement ring, just in the new setting.

 

Their guest list had been selective, and their vows were accordingly rather intimate. He promised to support her and keep her safe from demons real and imagined, and she promised to love him and stay with him until the day she died. The ceremony itself was brief, and then the wedding party joined half the town at the reception.

 

Their cake was white with red and silver sugar roses and leaves, and once they cut a piece they exchanged it without smashing it into each other's faces. Hannah was beaming over the dishes she had prepared, which everyone complimented, and once Nancy saw all the presents arranged on the banquet table tears came to her eyes. Everyone was there. Tracy and her secretary and many of the other operatives at her work, Agent Roberts, Chief McGinnis, the guys Ned invited over for poker and guys from his work she'd never even seen before. Helen Corning and her husband were there, and Ned's relatives seemed to make up a quarter of the people she saw around them. Her own family seemed rather smaller, with Iris and Iris's son, and Nancy's aunt Eloise with her husband Seth.

 

Nancy and Ned danced on the parquet floor and sipped from champagne flutes, and Nancy felt like she was dreaming. She had dreamt about this day for a while, a long time, but every now and then her dread and fear was concentrated and embodied in one uninvited guest. Ned saw Nancy searching the floor after greeting Alex Cabot, and he put his hands on her bare shoulders. Her eyes, slightly wider than normal, met his.

 

"He's not here," Ned whispered. "He won't be here. There are police guards right outside and we all know what he looks like."

 

Nancy buried her face against his shoulder with a gasp, and he reached up to slide his fingers over her hair.

 

The sun set outside and Nancy raised her eyebrow at him. She tossed the bouquet but they had agreed beforehand that she wouldn't wear a garter for him to toss. He had also threatened anyone that touching his Jaguar would result in immediate and severe consequences, so of course when they left the church in a shower of flower petals, his car was covered with shaving cream. He wiped off the windshield and they took off, Nancy's veil flowing behind her as she waved to the crowd.

 

"Roll your window up," he told her, as he pulled into a gas station. She grinned at him as he drove into the automatic car wash.

 

"I love these things," she admitted to him. "I love watching the water."

 

He reached over and they kissed lightly, still tasting of wedding cake.

 

"So where are we going?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

 

"Mike left something at his house that we need first."

 

"You never really told me how to pack," she accused him mildly. "And I didn't know I wouldn't be able to go back to your place before we left."

 

"We can swing by there," he said.

 

"When does our flight leave?"

 

"We'll have plenty of time."

 

Nancy shot a look at him and opened her mouth again, but he placed a finger over her lips. "Shh."

 

Ned directed his car into a neighborhood Nancy recognized. "Mike lives out here? You didn't tell me that."

 

"He just moved out here a few weeks ago. Maybe that's why." He smiled at Nancy.

 

She gasped as he pulled into the driveway. "He moved into the house I..." She snapped her mouth shut. "And what, he has a Jaguar too?"

 

"Why don't you come in with me?" he offered, stepping out and closing the door behind him.

 

"I'm not sure I want to see how they decorated it," she said, but she stepped out anyway, shaking out her dress as she walked up the front stairs.

 

"It's just upstairs... I'll be right back," he called as he bounded up.

 

"Okay," she called back. She looked at the couch. Ned's couch.

 

Nancy's mouth dropped open, then her lips quirked. She walked around, touching things with the tips of her fingers. The spidery plant from Bess and George, the coffee table from her own apartment; he must have taken it out of storage. She heard the aerator of the fish tank and found it in the kitchen, just where she would have put it.

 

"Hey," he called to her. His jacket was off, his vest unbuttoned. His shoes off.

 

"This is our house, isn't it," she said, tears shining in her eyes.

 

He nodded. "That's your Jaguar in the driveway."

 

She went to the window and pulled back the drapes. "Oh wow." She turned back to him. He opened his arms and she threw herself into them. "Ned..."

 

"Did you bring an overnight bag?" he asked.

 

She nodded. "Yeah."

 

"I'm gonna go get it out of the car."

 

"We're staying here tonight?" she asked. A giggle escaped her.

 

He stopped in the doorway. "If you're okay with that."

 

She nodded, touching the lower lashes of her eyes gingerly. Her fingers came away wet. "Yeah."

 

"Just don't go upstairs." He shot her one last disarming grin and went back out to the car.

 

She walked into the kitchen and tore a paper towel off the roll, ran it gently under her eyes. She had poured out to him how she'd have everything, and it was nearly perfect, the position of every piece of furniture, the drapes on the windows. He'd been listening, even when she'd thought he hadn't. But she'd never expected to have the house. She'd thought he would move her back into his apartment, that they would take things slow, and maybe later, once they had settled into their new positions, then they'd think about it again, when they started thinking about a family.

 

She held the towel up to her eyes again as she looked down at her waist.

 

He walked back in, carrying her overnight bag.

 

"Your landlady never wanted to do renovations, did she," Nancy said, smiling slightly.

 

"Oh, she did," Ned said. "I'm sure she's doing them now."

 

"You did this in a week." She waved her arm around. "Lights, water..."

 

He nodded, blushing slightly. "Yeah. I told Bess to keep you busy."

 

She smiled at him, and he swept her up into his arms, along with the overnight bag. "Why don't I take you on the grand tour."

 

She kissed his cheek as he climbed the stairs. "Ned..."

 

He stopped in the alcove at the head of the stairs. "Hmm?"

 

"Thanks," she whispered. "Thank you so much."

 

"It is a pretty sweet house, isn't it," he said, smiling.

 

She tugged at him and he carried her into their bedroom. She gazed around, at the walls, the bed. The candles. Not as many as their first wedding night, but she knew that would have taken a lot longer. He released her and she slid down, her unshod feet on the floor.

 

"Thank you for everything," she whispered. "For not getting mad at me at the reception. And this house, dear God—"

 

"I knew you liked it," he said.

 

She shook her head. "I love it. But if you'd brought me to a motel and given me a little Matchbox car, Ned, I'd still..." The tears spilled over again.

 

He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Stop it," he said, meeting her gaze. "Or you'll make me do it too."

 

She laughed, despite herself. "Let me go get cleaned up," she murmured. "I must look like a raccoon." He held out the bag and she took it, smiling softly, then stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

 

As soon as she saw her own eyes in the mirror she felt the sense of déjà vu creep over her. She slipped out of her gown and tossed it over the towel rack. She stood in her underclothes and was happy with what she saw, even without candlelight; nor did she worry that Ned would punch a hole through her stockings. With her hair still pulled back into its sleek twist she washed the makeup off her face and looked in the mirror again. She unfastened the pearl drop earrings and the triple pearl choker her mother had left her, left them on the counter.

 

He was standing at the window looking out when she walked into the bedroom. His shirt was unbuttoned but still hung on his frame, his feet were bare but his pants were still on. His lips curled softly as he walked over to her, and he kissed her, his fingers sliding through the silk strands of her hair as they curled over her shoulders.

 

"You're gorgeous," he whispered.

 

"So are you," she murmured back, tilting her head and smiling at him.

 

He shrugged out of his shirt and kissed her again, his hands sliding down her bodysuit. She was wearing a silk brocade whalebone suit with the attached garters holding up nude shimmering stockings. She reached down and unfastened his pants, and he stepped out of his clothes as they climbed onto the bed together.

 

He pulled back the covers and heard a snap. She had unfastened the suit and was waiting for him, on her back, her legs open. He looked down and then met her eyes.

 

"Hey," he murmured.

 

"Come on," she whispered.

 

"I don't want you like this," he replied. He knelt between her legs and unfastened the garters. "I want to touch every single inch of your skin." Slowly, carefully, he peeled her stockings off and tossed them off the side of the bed, then ran his hands up to her sides. She led him to the zipper and he tugged open her bodysuit. She squirmed out of it and stared up at him, her face golden in the candlelight.

 

Only then, once they were both completely naked, did he settle on top of her, smoothing her hair back from her face. He had ached for her, and knowing she was so close was almost unbearable. Their mouths met, desperately, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He groaned and traced his hands down over her, his thumbs tracing over her nipples until she moaned his name. Her legs tightened around him and he murmured, shaking his head, sliding his palms down over her hips, over her legs, to loosen her grip, before he slid his hands between her thighs. She arched her spine and tilted her head back, her breath coming in ragged gasps as he opened her and slipped three fingers inside her. She cried out and ground into him, and he could almost hear her heart beating, impossibly fast. He curled his fingers in and slipped his fingernails over her clit, and she gasped. He traced her with both hands, up inside her, and she lay motionless, waiting. He squeezed her clit gently between his fingers and she writhed beneath him, her moans even more desperate the faster he stroked. She pulled her feet off the bed, tilting her hips to allow him deeper access, and began to rock into his ministrations until she came, almost crying with relief.

 

He rolled onto his back, next to her, listening to her breathing slow. She ran her hands through her hair and pulled her legs up, then rolled over onto her side, propped her head on her hand, and looked at him. He met her gaze after a minute.

 

"Fuck me," she said, clearly, distinctly, her lips rounding on every word. "Not with your fingers."

 

He didn't object when she wrapped her legs around his waist again. He reached down and pulled her hips tight against his as he buried himself inside her. His eyes rolled back slightly as she moaned, finding the rhythm immediately, instinctually. She was still trembling from before, her fingernails scratching against the sheet, wet and hot around him. Her moan was low, pleading, orgasmic as he slipped his fingers back and forth over her nipples. She shrank away from him and in her next breath her hips surged against his. She grabbed the headboard and pulled herself up, and he pulled her to him, gasping in pleasure as they shifted together. She put her hands on his shoulders and mounted him, her head falling back as she took him inside her, again, over and over. Their mouths were motionless, eyes shut in pleasure, her hips falling in more and more violent thrusts against his. He fell backwards, onto his back, his hands resting on her hips, and she shifted, straddling him with her knees around his thighs, and as she moved against him he reached up and found her clit again. She trembled, the pressure of his erection hard inside her as he licked the fingers of his other hand and stroked her. She screamed and he felt her orgasm start again, more strongly the faster he stroked, the spasms so deeply inside her. He sat up and pushed her down onto the bed, and her eyes were so wide, looking up into his, still, oh God...

 

"You won't hurt me," she gasped to him, reaching up to rest her hands on his hips. "You won't hurt me, come inside me..."

 

Her nails bit into his skin as he started again, moving with her, her eyes fluttering shut as she came. Her movements became more frantic and he released inside her, shaking.

 

He collapsed beside her, onto his side, and they curled around each other, still gasping for breath. She slid her arms around his neck and held him to her.

 

"Can I tell you something?"

 

He opened his eyes and saw the moisture on her cheeks. He touched her face gently. "Was it that good?" he asked. "Or was it that bad?"

 

"Don't tell me you didn't feel it," Nancy whispered, smiling. Then she shook her head. "I almost went off the pill."

 

"Almost?"

 

"I didn't do it," she said, her eyes searching his. "I just..."

 

He kissed the tip of her nose. "Why?"

 

She shook her head. "I don't know. I... I don't even know if you want kids."

 

"Not tonight," he whispered, smiling. "We need plenty of practice, I think."

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Am I not good enough at it yet?"

 

"You're too good," he protested. "Too good for me to give up for a while yet."

 

Nancy turned her head and looked at the bathroom door. "Man, I've been dreaming about taking a bath in that tub."

 

Ned tossed the covers back. "Why don't we?"

 

They were standing in the bathroom together. Ned had started filling the tub, and Nancy ran her fingertips over the silver trim of the shower stall, the green tile walls.

 

"What's that?" he asked, smiling.

 

Nancy followed his gaze to her bare hip. She smiled back at him and stepped closer so he could run his finger over the script, a line of kanji in neat brushscript on parchment paper a shade or two darker than her own skin. "Want to know what it says?"

 

"Of course," he murmured.

 

"'I belong to and love my husband,'" she said, her eyes glowing.

 

He traced his fingertip over the last character and she jumped slightly. Then he kissed the ink, still swelled slightly into her skin, and she gasped.

 

"I forgot," she said. "I can't submerge it. We can't take a bath yet."

 

He pulled the stopper out of the tub and stood, putting his arm around her waist. "Want to try out the shower in the meantime?"

 

Nancy stood under the head closest to the tub, rubbing a cream cleanser over her face and then rinsing it off. Ned stood under the other, rinsing the gel out of his hair. She startled when she felt his hands on her hips.

 

"I kind of liked it the other way, didn't you?" he whispered against her ear, and she shivered. He traced his fingers over the wet skin, over her tattoo, and Nancy released a sigh. She leaned back, against his chest, felt him warm and solid behind her. "When we were so close we couldn't avoid..."

 

He kissed the point where her neck met her shoulder and she turned around in his arms after she turned the water off. In the sudden silence their mouths met, and he pressed her into the tile. She put her arms up around his neck as he kissed her over and over, on her cheek, down to her neck, her earlobe.

 

"I belong to you too," he whispered. "I love you."

 

She led his hands down to her hips and they moved together, pulling her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She rested her back against the tile, gooseflesh rising on her skin, her lips red from his kisses. But he didn't move toward her.

 

"Please," she whispered.

 

He brushed his thumb over her cheek, his eyes wet.

 

"Ned..." She released her grip around him and slid down to the floor of the shower, onto her knees, and took him into her mouth. He rested his fingertips against the tile, his eyes fluttering shut, as her tongue slipped over him. Before he could finish he pulled back from her and she looked up at him, her eyes fringed in wet black lashes. He pulled her out of the shower and they stood on the mat, shivering.

 

"You can't do this," she whispered, pushing wet tendrils of hair back from her face. "You can't let him make you afraid of hurting me. He's not here. The only time you ever hurt me was because of him, and that was a long time ago, so long ago, we've been together so many times since then and you've never hurt me, I swear. Now I want you inside me, without thinking, without being afraid, just let it go, please... I'm not afraid of you, I'm not afraid of this..."

 

He laid her down and her back arched as he trailed kisses down to her navel, down, his thumbs holding her open as his tongue flicked over her clit. She was silent throughout, save the occasional release of startled breath at a sudden caress or change of rhythm. He pulled back and looked at her face, her eyes closed, brow furrowed, mouth open. She moaned his name, a shiver trailing down her spine, asking him to finish her.

 

"I'm not afraid," she breathed.

 

His thumbs slid over her hips as he sank inside her, watching her expression become something between relief and pain. She wrapped her legs around him, tilting her hips back, and he closed his eyes and just listened to her breath, the moans and gasps. They moved together and it was perfect, slow and building until they were both unable to hold it anymore and just slammed into each other, over and over, crying out until they slipped apart.

 

"Yes," she murmured, her chest heaving as she lay motionless on the floor. "That was it. That was it... oh God..."

 

He exhaled. "Yeah," he whispered. "Wow."

 

Nancy pushed herself up to a sitting position and took him into her arms. "I love you," she murmured.

 

"I love you too," he whispered. His hands slid down her back. "He will never be in this house with us. He will never be in our bed."

 

She pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Do you realize this is the first time we've been alone?"

 

He arched an eyebrow at her. "We've been alone plenty of times."

 

"But he's always been there," she said. "Since the beginning he's been the third person in our marriage."

 

"And this is all new. This house, everything," he replied. "So you think maybe we've finally exorcised him? After five years and two weddings?"

 

She gave him a small smile. "I think so."

 

"So I'm not going to wake up and find you crying next to me?"

 

"I hope not," she whispered. "Definitely not if every night is like this one. I'm not even going to have enough energy left to dream, much less about him."

 

\--

 

A week later, after their honeymoon, Nancy walked into their house and punched the alarm code into the box. "You sure we didn't need to pick up anything for dinner?" she called over her shoulder.

 

Ned tugged their suitcases through the door and pulled it shut behind him. "We shouldn't," he said. "I gave Bess a key, and she promised to stock things up for us."

 

Nancy walked into the kitchen and opened cabinets. "Yeah," she said. "I think she did a pretty good job. What are you in the mood for tonight? Macaroni and cheese?"

 

Ned laughed. "I could go for that," he said. "Don't want to tire you out any more than I already have."

 

"Oh, right. This coming from the guy who is snoring almost immediately after," Nancy teased him.

 

"After the third or fourth time, you mean," he said, mock-sternly. "And I didn't hear you complaining, either."

 

She laughed as he carried their suitcases upstairs. "I still haven't had the grand tour," she reminded him.

 

"After dinner," he called back.

 

She opened the refrigerator door for the butter and milk, and found a pacifier on the top shelf. She stared at it for a minute, then shrugged, and laid it on the countertop for the next time Bess came over. Nancy noticed that Bess had restocked Ned's dwindling wine supply, unless he'd done that during all the chaos of the move. Their mingled furniture in the living room looked nice together, to her surprise. She couldn't see the desk, the one she had used in the front room of her own apartment with the Exacto knife in the drawer, and was taken aback when she found herself looking for it. As though it was a talisman that would protect her, should anything happen again.

 

She may not have had the grand tour, but she had been satisfied, if not impressed, by the security measures he had installed in their house. Metal solid-core front door, bulletproof windows and an awesome alarm system that she herself could not have disabled. As she waited for the water to boil she looked out over their back yard, empty and waiting, surrounded by a very tall fence that obscured all view. Maybe they could have a pool installed, or ask Hannah if she wanted to help them start a garden.

 

He smiled at the dinner she spread on the bar. "I'll do better this week, I promise," she said. "I'm just tired from the flight. And all our..." she raised a provocative eyebrow. "Physical activity."

 

"I'd live on bread and water if you wanted," he said, leaning over to kiss her softly. He grabbed two rolls, a healthy serving of the macaroni, and a spoonful of lima beans for his plate.

 

"We should go back sometime," she told him. "Maybe get a bit more sightseeing in. I feel like we missed a lot."

 

"We did," he said. He was smiling. "Maybe if we limit ourselves to once a night we'd get more done."

 

She mock pouted at him, her eyes sparkling. "Maybe twice?"

 

He laughed. "Twice an hour?"

 

After dinner he poured them each a glass of wine and they headed upstairs for bed. He caught her looking at the tub again, and raised a questioning eyebrow.

 

"Well, I can submerge it now," she admitted.

 

The water felt incredible on her skin, steaming as she sank into it. He lowered himself in behind her and settled their wineglasses within easy reach.

 

"This is the perfect end to the day," she told him, her eyes still closed. "Our honeymoon was great. Much better than the first one."

 

He smiled. "Change of locale can do wonders," he said, sliding a hand over her shoulder. "And more experience doesn't hurt either."

 

She opened her eyes. "I never complained."

 

"Well, let me just say I definitely think you won't now," he said, kissing her.

 

She had pinned up her hair, but a few strands still became damp as they washed each other. His hands were gentle and slid over her in remembered caresses, learned autopilot. She touched him the same way, thinking of the trip they had just taken. Leaving the hotel only to feign interest in buildings and art, counting the hours until the sun set and he was all hers again.

 

He caught her smiling. "I need to talk to you about something," he murmured.

 

"What's wrong?" she asked.

 

"I want..." he shook his head. "Why did you want to go off the pill?"

 

She shrugged. "I don't know."

 

"There had to have been some reason."

 

She half-smiled and looked away. "I think the reason was that I was over at Bess's house, watching her with her kids. She loves them so much. They're gorgeous. And she has a husband that loves her, a job that doesn't pay quite as well as mine, a station wagon... but she's happy. The way those little girls look at her..." Nancy shook her head. "I guess I just wanted that too."

 

"I want you to go off the pill."

 

She met his eyes, startled. "You made it sound like you didn't want me to do that. Besides, what happened to all that 'practice'?" she asked.

 

"We'll still have plenty of time for practice. And I've had some time to think about it. I just wasn't sure if you had, and this decision is really yours to make."

 

"You just bought a house and another car," she said. "Are you sure we shouldn't wait a while, maybe? At least until our finances are a bit more..." She trailed off when she caught him smiling. "What?"

 

"I've had a trust account for our children since I started working at my job."

 

She stared at him for a second. "Damn," she breathed.

 

He nodded. "I'm not saying we have to have kids. We could adopt, or never have kids at all. I don't even know if..." he gestured between the two of them.

 

"That's true." She still stared at him, wide-eyed, and he met her gaze.

 

After a moment he extended his hands to her. "Come with me," he said.

 

They slipped into bathrobes and he took her hand, led her down the hallway. Their study was spacious, and contained her desk along with his. The next room was a spare bedroom with twin beds already made and ready for guests.

 

He flipped on the light in the third room, and Nancy gasped. Pale lemon-yellow walls, picture windows, antique white furniture set with a crib, changing table, and rocking chair. Nancy walked over to the crib and ran her fingers over the rail, touched the rag doll Bess had placed inside.

 

"This is just here," he told her, resting his arm on the rail. "Besides, Bess would probably be happy if you said no. Then she can just have her kids in here when she comes to visit."

 

Nancy read the expression in his eyes, the false lightness. His eyes were low and met hers only briefly. She looked down at the doll, its face smooth under her fingers, and could feel him losing hope next to her.

 

"Okay," she whispered. "But I'm not making any promises. We'll see what happens."

 

"We'll see what happens," he agreed, nodding. Then he leaned over and kissed her, and she could still feel his smile.

 

"Like I could say no to this room," she said shyly. "To an excuse to buy Barbie dolls again."

 

"Or maybe Matchbox cars."

 

She put her hand back in his, and he closed the door behind them.


End file.
